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humorousBalloon429
1 129 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceJune 21, 2024
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Hi I need help advice anything I'm going out my mind
Trauma Support / by humorousBalloon429
Last post
 July 24th, 2024
...See more Long story  12 years ago I was in some kind of online relationship where I chatted to a guy for years, most often than not it was sexual like sending intimate videos and pictures, it progressed into exchanging numbers, he was quite possessive of me or so I thought, he'd call me up if I was going out ect. we eventually met each other for sex after about a year.. We'd only met 5 or 6 times but I was hooked, smitten. He dumped me, I was heartbroken. I begged him on text, calls and emails but he told me to go away, but send texts like 'sex' to bait me to reply he even had other women he was sleeping with call me names. I changed my number and went no contact. I started online dating a while later, meeting new people. Then I started getting messages on these dating apps from him, things like mine or you'll never get better than me, these were monthly messages from different accounts but he made sure I knew it was him. This went on for 2 years until I gave up dating sites. He contacted me on *** and was boasting how great his life was ect, still I never entertained him to meet him again. I eventually told him if I wanted to talk to him I'd come find him and deactivated ***. Silence for 4 years until 2022 I got an email from him, I put it to junk and deleted it. Then few weeks ago an email I didn't recognise with hi, so I replied back and he said a location we met, he said be civil, so I gave him benefit of doubt and met him for sex, he then started boasting about all the women he'd been seeing and calling us ***. I went home and didn't message him, he messaged me and said he had fun. Last week I asked him if he was coming to mine and he said yes asked me to send videos and my address.. Next morning I said u still coming over he said yes and he would be at mine at 3. He didn't turn up, I sent 3 messages, my last 1 saying you aren't coming are you? No reply. So sent an email with please don't contact me again. Next morning a message from him calling me a rat, I had mental health issues and should seek help. I don't know what I have done to him? Was it revenge because I kept refusing to meet him after he hurt me first time round.. I sent him another email on Sunday asking why he wanted my address if he wasn't planning on coming over, his reply was OK. Deleted my email account now.  I feel so stupid to allow him to hurt me again it took me years to get over him first time round but second Time?  I need advice 
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It's been 3 days since I last sent a message to toxic man
Depression Support / by humorousBalloon429
Last post
 June 25th, 2024
...See more I've closed my email down but takes 30 days to fully disappear. So he can't contact me again as he has narccisist traits that were unhealthy to my mind and wellbeing. The shame has lifted that I was duped by the man again and though dreading going out I am resuming my work tomorrow.  Please if anyone can help me get through a shift it would be appreciated 
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I allow a toxic person abuse me what's wrong with me
Depression Support / by humorousBalloon429
Last post
 June 21st, 2024
...See more It's a long story but I want to share it. I was in an abusive relationship with the father of my kids. I had nowhere to go and didn't have any friends. I started chatting to a male online and it turned to sexual chat and this went on for 2 years until we eventually met. We met about 4 times then suddenly he messaged me and said I was dumped. I was distraught and begged and pleaded to reconsider as I began having feelings for him. I slumped into even deeper depression due to the abuse I was getting off my partner. The male I had a fling with would sent random texts with 'sex' or 'call me' and when I replied or called he'd get other women to verbally abuse me on the phone. He done it to me a few times until I changed my number. I split up with the kids father and after a while tried Internet dating. At first it was OK I was getting better but ex fling had other ideas and would send me messages though the online dating sites, at first I'd respond then I'd block him. This went on for a while. Everything went quiet until 2 years ago I received an email from ex fling  I automatically deleted it. Everything is fine again. I'm happy at work and life getting back together. That was until last week I noticed an email I didn't recognise the email was just 'hi' so I replied hi back. It was the ex fling, so I told him to go away but he insisted we have a chat. We met up and it resulted in sex and he couldn't wait to get rid of me. He sent a text later asking if it was OK when I said it was fine, he made belittling comments and laughing. I asked if we would meet in a hotel and he just gave 1 word replies. he has went silent on me again. I knew it was a bad idea to meet him, I have had  nightmares again  and not eating much and I've withdrawn into myself feeling like a fool. I start back at work next week and I can't face going.  I think he has issues with me because this contacting me has went on along time over 10 years, I stopped responding 5 years ago until last week and know he will never stop doing this to me. And it's like I'm addicted to the abuse I receive from him.   I'm dying inside from shame of it all.
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