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humorousField872
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceJune 10, 2023
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Toxicity or actual well-being?
Relationship Stress / by humorousField872
Last post
 June 12th, 2023
...See more Hello! I feel extremely overwhelmed about a relationship situation and I honestly dont know what decision should I make, maybe you could help. About two and a half months ago I met a girl, I texted her, we immediatly connected very well, spent that whole night talking via messages and in the early morning living very close to each other she asked me to go to her place. We connected very well and we really liked each other and it seemed like a really special moment to me. However after just a few days the problems started, first she got very upset because of something I said, I apologized we went over it but then the problems just kept coming, she would get very easily upset and as she started to know me and my situation more she started complaining about how my situation in life is not very good, that I am not mature enough for her, even if she is 5 years younger, and a lot of things like this around those problems. We had a few good days followed by some bad and went like this for like a month. After, I kind of became colder not knowing what I should do, is she is good for me or not, many times after she explicitly told me that I am not good for her I accepted the fact that we will not be together and I didn't contact her anymore, but after no more than 24 hours she would contact me, sometimes like nothing efer happened, sometimes just acting like she wants to casually chat or if more hours passed asking how am I and if I'm fine. Now after two and a half months, we are in a similar situation, we got along pretty well for a few days but today the same problem came up again, about me not being equal with her socially and stuff I am not good enough and also not improving and not wanting to improve, my attitude is wrong, I'm too indifferent she says, even though I want to improve but it cant happen overnight and it's not like I am a complete looser, I am happy and satisfied with what I do and I believe to have a good perspective over the future but right now my situation is not the best because it's only been 3 months since I started on a new career and after many years of being depressed and having no perspective and hope, I can tell that for the first time in my life now I do!…so of course I feel a little not great when she only points at what I dont have but I should….I dont really understand why she keeps talking to me, she either likes me in some way, but the problems she sees in me are not really hers but her parents, who have high expectations of her future, and she thinks I am not good enough for her, idk, I havent met them but I know they are strict with her, she being only 19 too. So I am in a situation where idk what to do, if I should keep talking to her or not, I still like her, I kniw I am in love with her and even if now I am much colder I still want her, something still atracts me, even the fact that she has such high expectations I believe atracts me as it gets me out of my comfort zone somehow but the anxiety and overwhelmed state doesn make me any good. I tried talking to her seriously about this, trying to find out what is in her head, but she either ignores texts I send, or sais that she doesnt want to explain things to me anynore, I should know but I am not mature enough to understand her... the present with her is certainly bad and there is really no point in continuing talking but for me at least thinking about how we were at first gives me hope, and also we still share some commune interests about the future, like wanting a family etc. I dont know about her though as I said and what her intentions really are, sometimes she seem like she really cares for me, sometimes it seems that she just talks to me because I am more easygoing and she gets satisfaction dominating me somehow, I am not sure. My point really si that she could be just a very toxic person and I should probably just lose contact with her as she will not easily do so, or maybe she really cares and likes me despite all the things she said, which makes me seeing her even as a better partner for a future together, and someone worth fighting for. I know the best solution would be to talk together very sincerely, but as I said she doesnt want to for various reasons, when I asked to meet she prioritized something else or said some excuse. The few times we did talk about this we never got to any conclusion, leaving me still with no path to follow .
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