humorousIdea8411 Member Profile

...See more Hi, I dont know if i doing this right cuz its my first day here, so sorry if I screw it up. I kinda grew up in a strict Christian family and I went to a strict Christian school, where most of the authority figures knew who my parents were and how strict they were to me and my sibling. At times (loll a lot of the times), they would exaggerate instances that would happen in school and coming home, I would get beat up for it. Most times, I would wanna tell them my side, but I was shut out, since I was a child and it was expected for a kid to misbehave. But the adults knew that I would get in trouble from my dad if I had a toe out of line. They'd constantly pull me to the side and be like "your dad is nearby, I can easily call him and you know what will happen right". I guess thats where my anxiety started and I guess I am a perfectionist and a control and clean freak to this day loll. Additionally, since my family (my dad'ssiblings kids) used to be in the school and they were considered to be naughty and vocal (they were not. They were the few willing to stand up to the adults), I would become a scapegoat, because anything bad that happened and I knew about it meant to the adults that I was most likely a leader or encourager(since my cousins were "misbehaving" it was expected of me to be misbehaving too). Now when I confront my dad, he really can't remember and I dont really blame him because he was lied to. But I really don't know how to deal with the emotions or how to get it out of my system and forget these memories. Additionally, I am terrified of projecting it onto people and I want to get over my anxiety and perfectionism because it is affecting my studies. Honestly, if anyone got any ideas please let me know, cuz these thoughts are very draining. Thank you.

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