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humorousOwl7988
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PathStep 3 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2019 Member sinceDecember 11, 2019
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Lying spouse
Relationship Stress / by humorousOwl7988
Last post
 December 11th, 2019
...See more So, I am needing somewhere to vent. Not really even sure I want/need advice. I just need somewhere to share my frustration and stress. My husband and I have been married 19 and a half years. (20 in March) we have 3 children. Our oldest is 19 and is special needs, our middle is 8 and quite the handful, our youngest is almost 1 month old. So yes we have our hands full and our kids ages are really spread out. But this isnt about the stress our kids put on us and our relationship... this us about something else. About maybe 5 years ago I found many of pictures on my husbands phone of half naked women. Like.. thousands... literally. I was completely shocked and thrown for a loop. My husband wasnt who I thought he was... I know that some women out there think porn is ok, that men and women can look at it and theres no harm done. I dont think that... and honestly I dont believe my husband thinks that. I seriously was devastated. I felt so betrayed and lost. Not just because of the pictures but because I felt lied to and like i was married to a stranger. Anyways, After finding the pictures he agreed to stop looking. He sort of got help and it seemed like it was working. I felt better about the situation and we moved on. A few months later I caught him lying and still looking and saving pictures... just hiding them. So we got into another fight. He agreed to work on it and I again forgave him. Fast forward with this same scenario happening at least 2 more times... me stressing that although i was hurt by him looking at the pictures it was the lying that was tearing us apart. I am unsure when the last time it happened but I remember telling him that I dont know how much more I could take and that I dont know if I could do it again. Tonight I found out that he has been looking at pictures for months. And over the last few months I have asked him randomly if he has been looking. He assured me he wasn't and I praised him for how well he was doing. While I was pregnant (so in the last 9 months) I remember getting paranoid and accused him of being shady and he basically made me feel terrible for not trusting him. Tonight I just felt... mad, but not the same mad I have felt in the past. I don't think I can EVER trust him again. He lied to my face like a dozen times and hid it really well. Idk... I want to forgive him, but he doesnt seem to want to stop. He makes excuses as to why he looks and why he lies. He tells me he hates seeing me upset so he lies to "protect" me. I try to explain I am more hurt by the lying than anything doesnt understand how the lying is worse than the actual looking at other women. Our relationship has eroded due to the lack of trust. And I dont see anyway for him to earn back my trust at this point. Honestly I feel as though its shattered into a million pieces andi dont want to try again. What sucks is he is a great guy on all other counts. I mean, as long as hes not lying about anything else. :/ I just hate that he lied to me... to my face. Ugh. Why dis he haveto do this? :(
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