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iamestelle
118 M Embraced 1
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2021 Member sinceMarch 21, 2021
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My family are the one who gave me so much pain
Anxiety Support / by iamestelle
Last post
 March 23rd, 2021
...See more This will be a long thread. I just don’t know what to do anymore. These past few months I lost my appetite, always feeling nausea, severe headache, and insomnia. I want to go to a therapist but I’m not in a position that can go outside freely. It’s not I’m locked up or something but if I go to a therapist then my family will start acting up again. Because. I’ve been dealing with it since this pandemic started. I’m 25 and now I’m unemployed. It’s not because of the pandemic but because of the toxic work environment. My boss always abuses me verbally and shouts at me every day. Everything I do was wrong in her eyes. She always terror me with her demanding text message even on weekends. So I decided to quit that job. And then the pandemic happens, like it or not now I’m back at my parent’s house. I’ve been living on my own in a different city since I was 13 because I know how toxic my household would be. All this time the only one that supports me financially and mentally was my father, yet God apparently has a different plan and 2 years ago, took my father away in front of my eyes. Since then I have tried to support myself financially and keep living in another city. And I know sooner or later my mom will claim all of his inheritance and spent them recklessly. Now I’m trapped back in my parent’s house, with my mom constantly nagging me financially. All she cares about from me is money. I feel used. I have debts just to keep up with her demanding lifestyle. She never learns. Spent all of the money recklessly. She never works for her entire life. Making someone else work for her. Since I was a little she never truly care about me. I grew up with my nannies. But it’s a good thing tho because my nannies truly care about me, I learned everything from them. They even remember trivial things that my mom doesn’t even remember. My allergies, my fav food, my birthday, they always help me with my homework, we binge-watching series together, etc But apparently when I moved to another city one of them passed away. And the other one now falls sick. I just miss them now. After all, a family is not about blood. I feel like an ungrateful child. Because I always keep the distance from my mom. I really can’t cope up with her. Every time I talk to her I can’t even control my own emotion and easily get irritated and mad. We just end up shouting to each other. I never want to socialize with her friends either. I always lock myself in my room until one-day mom ridiculously thinks that I’m possessed by an evil spirit. And start calling some priests???? She knows something wrong with me but I can’t believe she concluded that I’m possessed instead of depressed??? I just don’t know what to do now. I’m financially struggling and trapped in this house. My other relatives aren’t helping either. And I’m too scared to open up with my friends.
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