ilovemarklee Member Profile

...See more i didn’t even think about losing weight at first and i didn’t even pay attention to how my body looked like, but i remember that one day when i REALLY decided to challenge myself and lose a bit of weight. it was hard at first but then it got so addicting that i couldn’t let go of it anymore. days turned into weeks, months... and it was becoming easy but i literally had to starve myself and lost for about 12 kilograms in perhaps 2 months? now, i still want to lose weight because i need a certain weight to be able to make it for my dream. i want to be an idol which is required to have a weight from 45-49 kgs and i want to weigh 45 kgs (right now i’m 53) but the problem is i started binge eating and it was getting worse everyday... i keep gaining and losing weight at the same time. i exercise everyday but now i stopped. every time i binge eat i feel guilty and throw up all the food. it’s awful that my family cooks unhealthy food too that’s why i have to make sure i vomit half of the calories i consumed. i want to start a healthy diet but if my family already thinks im too skinny and won’t let me, then i have no choice but keep on going with this... i hate it and im definitely not proud of it but i can’t escape it anymore..

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