how bulimia nervosa changed me
i didn’t even think about losing weight at first and i didn’t even pay attention to how my body looked like, but i remember that one day when i REALLY decided to challenge myself and lose a bit of weight. it was hard at first but then it got so addicting that i couldn’t let go of it anymore. days turned into weeks, months... and it was becoming easy but i literally had to starve myself and lost for about 12 kilograms in perhaps 2 months? now, i still want to lose weight because i need a certain weight to be able to make it for my dream. i want to be an idol which is required to have a weight from 45-49 kgs and i want to weigh 45 kgs (right now i’m 53) but the problem is i started binge eating and it was getting worse everyday... i keep gaining and losing weight at the same time. i exercise everyday but now i stopped. every time i binge eat i feel guilty and throw up all the food. it’s awful that my family cooks unhealthy food too that’s why i have to make sure i vomit half of the calories i consumed. i want to start a healthy diet but if my family already thinks im too skinny and won’t let me, then i have no choice but keep on going with this... i hate it and im definitely not proud of it but i can’t escape it anymore..
@ilovemarklee
hey hey❤️ Firstly i really am proud of you for sharing and writing this, cause talking about something that is effecting every aspect of your life and making you struggle is not easy and i know that
on a second note tho, you sound both tired and stuck in the situation, i understand that meeting your weight goal is really important to you, dieting, binging, vomiting cycle is a really hard one to go thru in daily life and your damily not supporting you in getting back into a healthy diet doesn't amke it any better
You might be going so hard on yourself for so mang things right now, for binges, and after that for the vomiting, and if you don't do it, for gaining too many calories, for not losing weight, for not eating healthy, for stopping exercising but don't!
you don't deserve that guilt, or that pressure!
your struggles do not and cannot define you
and i know, you can feel stuck in this cycle right now, but i believe in you to get yourself out of that, first to a healthy eating style and ater that to a healthy weight loss diet, i believe in you to be able to be kind and understanding to yourself
and i'm right here too, to support you and simply be a friend to both freely talk to and to ask for help when staying motivated gets hard
I look forward to hearing more from you❤️
~sarinn