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imaginativeBike2541
1 97 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2019 Member sinceJune 12, 2019
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I'm changing, my husband is not. I don't know what to do.
Relationship Stress / by imaginativeBike2541
Last post
 June 17th, 2019
...See more So I have a significant age gap with my spouse, 30+ years. He retired last year, and we moved to a new country. He loves it here, and I don't. I want to move somewhere else. We have had some arguments lately over that. Him not wanting to move and me wanting to move, I am not rushing to move. I would like to in the next few years, we just got here about eight months ago, and it was so stressful to move that I wouldn't want to do it again immediately. I am a very driven person; I worked hard when I was working, and we both had full-time jobs before my husband retiring. I am not working now, but I am going to University because I can't stand not doing anything right now, and I want to get a job after I graduate. My husband, on the other hand, retired, and now I am just noticing that he is deeply unmotivated. He spends almost all day on Facebook groups and has no desire to do anything. He is also drinking alcohol a lot; I knew he was an high-functioning alcoholic when I married him. But when we were working 40+ hours a week, and then he would have vodka when he got home, I didn't like it, but he doesn't get violent or rude ever, he just drinks too much. But as he has retired, I noticed that he is drinking a lot of every day. He has coffee in the morning and then switches to vodka. I thought this was just him enjoying retirement, but we went to breakfast a couple of days ago, and he had a margarita with breakfast, and today at 11 am, he poured himself a drink. So I asked him if he needs to do that (pour himself a drink that early) and he got very defensive and has been pissed at me the whole rest of the day, I tried to explain that I don't like his drinking and I know it will cause him to die prematurely. He shrugged it off and said, well if I die, I die. We also have both gained about 40-50 lbs since getting married. When we moved, I started eating keto. I don't drink much and have lost about 25 pounds. I feel great, but my husband is not working on losing weight, and the drinking doesn't help. I am just starting to see him as a lazy, unmotivated alcoholic, which is not very attractive, but I do love him, and most of the time we spend together is pretty good. I have no idea what to do. I really can't stand the thought of getting divorced. I genuinely care about my husband, but I am evolving as a persona, and he is not changing himself for the better or willing to change anything about himself or his lifestyle that is not healthy.
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