I'm changing, my husband is not. I don't know what to do.

@imaginativeBike2541

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

So I have a significant age gap with my spouse, 30+ years. He retired last year, and we moved to a new country. He loves it here, and I don't. (I can see you definetly have put his needs and hapiness first over yours, and this will always lead to unhapinee) I want to move somewhere else. We have had some arguments lately over that. Him not wanting to move and me wanting to move, I am not rushing to move. I would like to in the next few years, we just got here about eight months ago, and it was so stressful to move that I wouldn't want to do it again immediately. (It's understandable, moving to a new country takes a lot of time and effort, so its normal you wouldn't want to go through to this again)
I am a very driven person; I worked hard when I was working, and we both had full-time jobs before my husband retiring. I am not working now, but I am going to University because I can't stand not doing anything right now, and I want to get a job after I graduate. My husband, on the other hand, retired, and now I am just noticing that he is deeply unmotivated. (This will play a role on the relationship because him not being motivated and depressed will affects your mental health after some point, and then it will definetly lead to you losing feelings for him if he doesn't seek a therapist) He spends almost all day on Facebook groups and has no desire to do anything. (I can see he is doing all of this to distract himself and avoid how he is feeling in the inside, which lead to him feeling even more depressed and disconnected with himself) He is also drinking alcohol a lot; (This isn't a good sign, it will affect him in every area of his life and then it will slowly push you away) I knew he was an high-functioning alcoholic when I married him. But when we were working 40+ hours a week, and then he would have vodka when he got home, I didn't like it, but he doesn't get violent or rude ever, he just drinks too much. But as he has retired, I noticed that he is drinking a lot of every day. He has coffee in the morning and then switches to vodka. (This has turn into an addiction and his way of coping with everyday life) I thought this was just him enjoying retirement, but we went to breakfast a couple of days ago, and he had a margarita with breakfast, and today at 11 am, he poured himself a drink. So I asked him if he needs to do that (pour himself a drink that early) and he got very defensive and has been pissed at me the whole rest of the day, (This behavior of his is coming across as irritable, passive-agressive and bad attitude. I can tell he gets very defensive when they question his addiction, so now he will give you the cold shoulder. HIs behavior is starting to turn into a toxic one, its just a matter of time) I tried to explain that I don't like his drinking and I know it will cause him to die prematurely. He shrugged it off and said, well if I die, I die. (This shows he didn't validate what you said and got defensive, is his way to not express anger openly and to cut the conversation short. It's not healthy being around someone like this unless they get help because his addiction will bring you down with him) We also have both gained about 40-50 lbs since getting married. When we moved, I started eating keto. I don't drink much and have lost about 25 pounds. I feel great, but my husband is not working on losing weight, and the drinking doesn't help. I am just starting to see him as a lazy, unmotivated alcoholic, which is not very attractive, (Totally understandable you feel this way about him)but I do love him, and most of the time we spend together is pretty good. (I understand what you are saying, but you can't overshadow the negatives with some good times you two spend together. He has an addiction, and he is not treating you properly at all) I have no idea what to do. I really can't stand the thought of getting divorced. (If he will not get the professional help he needs to overcome this then its the only way. You can be loving and supporting all the time but it won't be enough because we are dealing with someone who has an alcoholic addiction. His addiction will makes you feel hurt and unhappy if he doesn't get the help he needs) I genuinely care about my husband, (This is amazing you do, but you also have to care and respect yourself too because he has not been treating properly) but I am evolving as a persona, and he is not changing himself for the better or willing to change anything about himself or his lifestyle that is not healthy. (This means something in him needs to change, you can't fix or help him if he is not willing to get the right help)