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imaginativePine819
2 463 M Embraced 4
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts63 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceOctober 4, 2020
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I am a result of 500 years of mental illness. I struggle every single day
Trauma Support / by imaginativePine819
Last post
 July 17th
...See more So, both my mothers and fathers side of my family have been mentally ill for the past 3 generations. My mother, grandmother, and great grandmother on both sides of my family have been mentally ill and I have confirmed. I turned 30 recently and things are just getting harder. I have a therapist, a psychiatrist, and am seeking support groups, but I just don’t feel like I belong. Nobody will ever truly understand what goes on in my head. I’ve been one who has gone through unfortunate event after unfortunate event after unfortunate event at no fault of mine and it doesn’t let up. Ive never actually dated anybody because I cannot even get to the point of getting that close to someone. I typically get burned during the talking stage, I can’t even get by it. I have very few friends and when they don’t pick up the phone I’m just alone. I’ve expressed my feelings to family and they told me I was ‘draining’ and ‘exhausting’. I hardly meet new people because when I do, I get burned. When I try, I get burned. I’ve gotten burned by coworkers for no reason. I’ve had people go out of their way to be my friend, then burn me. I’m frustrated on the DAILY BASIS. Something pisses me off EVERY SINGLE DAY. I just don’t know what else to do. I just don’t know if I’m going to survive. Constant frustration+ getting burned at every turn+ not having someone in my corner+ my depression, anxiety, CPTSD, BPD, hypersensitivity, difficulty trusting + what I’ve experienced in life + my brain being my own worst enemy+ the thoughts not stopping, how will I survive? How am I supposed to live?
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Having a really hard time right now, done use this app too often
Depression Support / by imaginativePine819
Last post
 September 14th, 2022
...See more Hi, as the title says, I’m going through something job related at the moment and I’m feeling extremely down, to the point where I don’t even want to talk to my therapist. to keep it short, I believe there may be some racism at a new job I started at. I am a person of color, while all of my coworkers are Russians, I am the ONLY person of color there to my knowledge. I was literally this company’s first employee. 2 people started after me, one of which I trained, let’s call him H. H has received several things that I have not, including access to the building. As of recently, I notice that H does not leave the building until I do. as a person of color, I genuinely worry that I’m being treated differently because of my skin color. I honestly don’t know how to process this or where to begin. I work hard, I show up everyday, I do everything I’m supposed to as an employee, and now this? I’ve had thoughts of cutting myself tonight. May just go home and get stupid drunk. I feel myself drowning.
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