I am a result of 500 years of mental illness. I struggle every single day

@imaginativePine819

I am a result of 500 years of mental illness. I struggle every single day

Dear Beloved,

I can feel your pain of having to struggle every single day with emotional distress.

So, both my mothers and fathers side of my family have been mentally ill for the past 3 generations. My mother, grandmother, and great grandmother on both sides of my family have been mentally ill and I have confirmed.

It is really sad and painful to know this from you.

I turned 30 recently and things are just getting harder. I have a therapist, a psychiatrist, and am seeking support groups, but I just don’t feel like I belong. Nobody will ever truly understand what goes on in my head. I’ve been one who has gone through unfortunate event after unfortunate event after unfortunate event at no fault of mine and it doesn’t let up.

I can feel your pain at the fact that another year has passed and you are still not feeling better. Even therapists do not seem to understand you.

Please share with me what is troubling your mind. What do you feel? Why do you feel so disturbed? What has happened? What is the cause? What do you think others are not able to understand? What do you want them to understand?

Ive never actually dated anybody because I cannot even get to the point of getting that close to someone. I typically get burned during the talking stage, I can’t even get by it.

I can feel your pain of never having been able to date anyone in your life. Sometimes it causes severe sadness and loneliness.

What thoughts come to your mind during those burning moments? What begins to disturb you within? Is there something that keeps hurting you all the time, causing you to be triggered easily by unexpected situations in conversations?

I have very few friends and when they don’t pick up the phone I’m just alone. I’ve expressed my feelings to family and they told me I was ‘draining’ and ‘exhausting’.

Loneliness is a painful feeling. Sadly, your parents are not able to support you, but I know you will support yourself.

Please be around people. Being around people helps to ease loneliness. You can join a community or take part in activities of your choice. It will keep you around people. It will help you with your loneliness.

When we socialize, there is a greater chance of meeting like-minded people, and sometimes, those meetings develop into friendships too. Please do not stay alone, as it can worsen such feelings.

You can go to a garden and observe people and kids playing there. You can do anything that makes you feel better.

I hardly meet new people because when I do, I get burned. When I try, I get burned. I’ve gotten burned by coworkers for no reason. I’ve had people go out of their way to be my friend, then burn me.

What causes these feelings in you? What are your thoughts? What do you expect? What has been disturbing you emotionally?

I’m frustrated on the DAILY BASIS. Something pisses me off EVERY SINGLE DAY.

What are you frustrated about? What has been disturbing you?

I just don’t know what else to do. I just don’t know if I’m going to survive.

What do you want to do? What makes you feel a bit better?

You have to survive because there is no escape. It is better to learn how to survive.

Constant frustration+ getting burned at every turn+ not having someone in my corner+ my depression, anxiety, CPTSD, BPD, hypersensitivity, difficulty trusting + what I’ve experienced in life + my brain being my own worst enemy+ the thoughts not stopping, how will I survive? How am I supposed to live?

What experiences are hurting you? What thoughts is your mind filled with? Please untangle all the chaos from your mind, one thought at a time. What are all the thoughts that keep coming back? Please write them down. Writing will help to release them from your mind.

Write them every time they come. If they return, write again. Write them every time, and slowly they will begin to reduce in number.

You have to learn how to live. You have to find out what disturbs your mind. What does it want? What is causing the pain? What can bring healing? You have to answer all the questions your mind is asking. If your mind does not find answers, it will continue to disturb you.

Sending power, strength, and healing your way.