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independentWalker1153
294 M Embraced 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceMarch 26, 2024
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Depression Support / by independentWalker1153
Last post
 March 30th, 2024
...See more Hello, Bear with me as this Is my first time ever reaching out to someone even though it’s to a bunch of strangers on the internet. I’ve never done this before so my thoughts could be all over the place. I am 21 years old and I just recently got a puppy. It was really unexpected as my brother surprised me with it. The more and more I take care of this puppy, I realized my lack of identity. I think all my life I never really lived for myself.  think I’ve been living my life just pleasing people and living for others that I didn’t make any choices for myself or go explore things that would interest me. I really thought I would love owning a dog and in doing so give me an identity. Instead I don’t feel anything other than stress and guilt. I feel like I’m a terrible person. At this point I don’t know what my life is worth. I don’t feel emotional like others can and I really can’t seem to find my purpose here.. I really do love my friends and family but I don’t know… I feel like everyone could live on without me and not realize it after a while. I’m trying so hard to realize that god made me for a reason but I hate the person I am. I just feel so *** all the time… I can’t even express these feelings because I know how it will affect the people around me. I don’t want to be a baggage of negativity when I can’t provide them of anything valuable. I think I just don’t have any self worth. I sometimes have thoughts that say if I were to die right now I would be ok with it as I don’t think I really deserve this life. If someone with more ambition, someone with more emotion, someone with more dreams had my life, they could have been a much better soul for my friends and family than I could ever be. I think that’s is also part of the reason I’m always so sorry for everything. I’m so grateful that these people are in my life but damn I just can’t seem to grasp this life thing haha.
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