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intellectual5402
3 5,221 M Seeking Light 8
PathStep 262 Compassion hearts135 Forum posts79 Forum upvotes117 Current upvotes117 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2025 Member sinceJune 13, 2019
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I like music, reading, writing, skiing, etc. Lots of things!

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Needless Ramblings by Frustrated Intellectual
Journals & Diaries / by intellectual5402
Last post
 December 5th, 2019
...See more Right now I'm just wondering what the true value of conversations with people is. I guess if I treat a conversation like something has to be exchanged (value, perhaps), then that is not a good way to approach conversation. Maybe it is a more Zen-like attitude I must take to conversations. And to my entire life as well. Every time I try to apply Zen to my life, things go badly. I get overly obsessive and think that I have to be present every single moment. And that leads to more anxiety. My first psychotic break (forgive me for using a clinical term) was a while back in the past. It had to do with reading a book (I won't name it). But it was a popular book about being mindful and present. Ironic that it caused my psychotic break, though. I wonder about psychosis and life sometimes. I wonder if psychosis informs my reality in any way. I think it does. Psychosis is seeing the world as it is. Fixing psychosis is thus a process of transformation? I don't really understand what I'm trying to say, but it makes a certain amount of sense to me. I often don't think I've assimilated well enough into this world. I trust doctors and therapists to deal with my mental health. They say I don't give myself enough credit. I fictionalize things. I make things up. Isn't all therapy just a process of fictionalizing things? Forgive me if I'm being too philosophical here. I will leave it at that.
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Addicted to adult webcam chats
Addiction Support / by intellectual5402
Last post
 November 23rd, 2019
...See more I have now gotten myself addicted to adult webcam chats and I am really embarrassed about it. My therapist even says I can use them but I don't think she understands the negative consequences it causes. I got my debit card number stolen from one of them. And I've gotten my credit card number robbed twice from other ones in the past. Maybe I should tell all that to my therapist? I feel out of control and I don't want to use these things anymore. It's a strange thing, addiction. I don't feel addicted when nobody validates that I have a true addiction to these sorts of things.
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