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intuitivemoon29
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2025 Member sinceMarch 5, 2024
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Looking for some validation/ support for my relationship with my mom
Newbie Hub / by intuitivemoon29
Last post
 March 5th, 2024
...See more Hello group members. I am looking for some validation as I process though my thoughts and feelings about my mom. I have a one-sided relationship with my mom. I have attempted to repair this relationship by having her attend therapy with me. I voiced what I would like our relationship to be like (her showing interest in my life, her initiating plans with me, her contacting me first, conversations not just being about her problems, etc). She attended a few sessions and then she stopped coming and has not asked about attending again. Whenever we talk, whether that’s in person, phone call, or text message, it’s usually about her problems/ anxiety. I only can handle texting her because on the phone she is anxious and it’s always about her problems.  Thirteen days went by since we talked.  Today she texted me: Mom:” Hi, today I fell on my arm and my knees when I was walking the dog. She pulled me down because she saw somebody and thought they wanted to pet her. I'm at the emergency room. they're going to be splinting my arm and taking X-rays of my knees now.” Me: “Sorry to hear this. Did you drive yourself?” Mom: “No, ambulance. Now they're going to take a CT scan on my head even though I'm not having any problems with vision or anything. Can you help me with the dog please?” Me: “Mom I am working and with a client right now. Help with her how?” Mom: “it’s okay. I thought maybe you could pick her up and take her home with you for a while while I'm healing.” Me: “I can't do that because she isn't trained and it would cause stress for us. How long is your healing going to take? I think she will do just fine without walks and stays home with you. Do you think it's realistic for her to stay at home with you while you heal??” Mom: “not sure yet” Me: “Okay, perhaps you can talk to the doctor about their thoughts on you having the dog at home while you heal. I think it would be okay but think it over with the doctor” Mom: “Maybe you could take the dog into boarding” Mom: “I’ll figure it out” Me: “okay. Did you make it home?” Mom: “yes” Me: “I'm glad you're safe and back home” For the last 13 days I have felt guilty and anxious about not reaching out to her. However I have expressed many times my desire to have a more reciprocal relationship. My therapist has had me look at her parenting growing up and her past relationships to find empathy for her behaviors. Regardless today I found myself so frustrated and I felt as if my mom expected me to drop work and just help her. I also had a voice in my head telling me “you’re a bad daughter” “you’re selfish” because those are the messages I heard growing up related to my mom. My dad (passed) and my dad’s sister both believed that a child should just help their parent no matter what (as in boundaries don’t exist)
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