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inventiveWheel4648
1 55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceFebruary 19, 2022
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My dad is very ill but I don't know how to feel
Relationship Stress / by inventiveWheel4648
Last post
 February 19th, 2022
...See more My dad treated me horribly when I was a child: he hit me really hard when I had done something wrong (unnecessarily hard in my opinion, to the point where I was afraid of him and locked myself in the bathroom), he shouted at me, even threw me across the room once. One time my parents were arguing and my mum said that she would take my sister and leave. My dad said no I don't want to be stuck with her (me). He also repeatedly made fun of me (in a nasty, not a playful way) and told me I was "thick as shit." My mum, having observed that my father and I had a terrible relationship sat me down one day and told me to treat him as if he were a "non-person," i.e. someone who was not my dad, someone whose opinion/behaviour shouldn't affect me. She told me to avoid engaging in conversation with him, only speak when spoken to sort of thing. I followed this advice and now I don't really have any relationship/any connection with my dad, just these painful memories from my childhood. (I am 26 now.) My dad is very ill and could have a stroke at any time, and now I feel very guilty because I don't really feel as sad as I should. My sister is very upset about this but I am just not on the same level as her. He is mentally not really the same as he was before but still capable of having a conversation etc. I just wonder: should I make an attempt at trying to talk through these issues (after he has had an operation; I don't want to cause him stress that could bring a stroke on)? Or should I just accept that my dad and I will never have a 'real' relationship? Should I just forgive him because he is my dad?
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