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islafairy
617 M Embraced 5
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts25 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2022 Member sinceJuly 28, 2021
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Trauma that created ptsd or disassociation? Lost
Trauma Support / by islafairy
Last post
 July 30th, 2021
...See more Hi guys, This is going to seem a little long, but I’m going to try to be as descriptive as possible. I’m really hoping that somebody might have some insight, or helpful comments. For 3 years, I’ve been suffering. I’ve had severe anxiety, panic attacks, and I randomly get thrown into (what I call) “the space” “The space” is a very scary place for me. It’s when I randomly feel apart from my body, and my mind convinces myself to de-attach myself from my surroundings, making this reality almost feel like a simulation. I don’t hear anything, or see anything that isn’t there. But it just feels like I’m not really here. This also makes my panic disorder worse because going into this space throws me into a panic attack. So not only am I panicking for no reason at random times, but I’m also panicking from this space. I suffer from panic attacks around 5 days out of the week. I believe that “the space” was induced by a very traumatic acid trip. It was 2018, and I had a 16 hour bad trip, feeling scared of everything around me and disassociating. I started getting thrown into “the space” the days after my trip. At first, it was unmanageable. I had nightmares, I would be triggered by loud sounds, I would panic in college (ended up dropping out) and began taking Xanax multiple times a day just to feel normal and to prevent myself from freaking out. Finally, I realized I had to stop taking Xanax because it would make me irritable and almost as if I wasn’t myself anymore. I started to manage everything, and things were ok. But ever since then, 3 years ago, I get random flare ups and will get thrown into the space out of nowhere. I can go months feeling fine, or have a week where everyday I have a flare up. It’s random and it happens to be that the past two weeks I get flare ups almost everyday. The last time I had flare ups this bad was in February. I’m really just at a loss and want to feel normal, or try to understand what is going on in my brain.
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