Trauma that created ptsd or disassociation? Lost
Hi guys, This is going to seem a little long, but I’m going to try to be as descriptive as possible. I’m really hoping that somebody might have some insight, or helpful comments. For 3 years, I’ve been suffering. I’ve had severe anxiety, panic attacks, and I randomly get thrown into (what I call) “the space” “The space” is a very scary place for me. It’s when I randomly feel apart from my body, and my mind convinces myself to de-attach myself from my surroundings, making this reality almost feel like a simulation. I don’t hear anything, or see anything that isn’t there. But it just feels like I’m not really here. This also makes my panic disorder worse because going into this space throws me into a panic attack. So not only am I panicking for no reason at random times, but I’m also panicking from this space. I suffer from panic attacks around 5 days out of the week. I believe that “the space” was induced by a very traumatic acid trip. It was 2018, and I had a 16 hour bad trip, feeling scared of everything around me and disassociating. I started getting thrown into “the space” the days after my trip. At first, it was unmanageable. I had nightmares, I would be triggered by loud sounds, I would panic in college (ended up dropping out) and began taking Xanax multiple times a day just to feel normal and to prevent myself from freaking out. Finally, I realized I had to stop taking Xanax because it would make me irritable and almost as if I wasn’t myself anymore. I started to manage everything, and things were ok. But ever since then, 3 years ago, I get random flare ups and will get thrown into the space out of nowhere. I can go months feeling fine, or have a week where everyday I have a flare up. It’s random and it happens to be that the past two weeks I get flare ups almost everyday. The last time I had flare ups this bad was in February. I’m really just at a loss and want to feel normal, or try to understand what is going on in my brain.
Disassociation is very common with trauma. That may explain what your “space” is. If you feel that way using a grounding exercise may help. Physical ones tend to work best in some situations. If you cross your arms over your chest and tap your shoulders that may help!
Hello, Fairy. The things you describe sound so scary and confusing, I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm not an expert on PTSD and I don't pretend to speak as a professional, but from my own experience having suffered from it for one year now.
What you describe sounds pretty much like a dissociation. It can be really scary and disorienting. The subsequent panick attacks make it worst and you can feel adrift and drained. However, there are other signs related to PTSD as flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, the need to avoid situations, places or people related to the traumatic event (consciously or subconsciously), feeling helpless, being scared or triggered easily, amnesia and some more. There is plenty of information about it and you can google it is you want. But please remember that only a professional can diagnose it correctly and they know how to approach the problem.
Being diagnosed with PTSD can be overwhelming and even terrifying, but it can aslo be a relief since you finally understand what's happening to you. But most important, therapy can help dealing with flashbacks and all the symptoms, self acceptance, forgiveness and anger management, so life can be as "normal" as ir should be.
I hope you can find the answers you need. But, no matter if you are diagnosed with PTSD or something else, you have the right to be ok, to heal and to feel good with yourself. I hope you can find all the support you need and rest asured that, in here, you will find a lot of help.
I send you lots of hugs. Please be kind to yourself.
Thank you for the support and comments. I just talked to a doctor today and got a new medication so hopefully things start to look up. My friend also does Reiki and recommended it to me for healing purposes. Might give that a try as well. Thank you again for the positivity.
