itsmxl0000 Member Profile

...See more Hi all, I’ve recently entered a new relationship and not only is it my first real relationship, it is also with another woman. I noticed that we began to argue a lot, practically everyday but we always made up. Today, I felt as though she was being unavailable rude and I allowed my feelings to build up to a point where I exploded. She said one thing and that turned into me saying some things that I truly regret. Being that this is my first relationship, I’m still trying to figure everything out. I have been told by my partner that I am “defensive” which I’m trying to work on, in addition to other flaws. I feel guilty for getting upset over minor things, but I do not know any other way to handle them. They plague my brain until I can’t take it anymore. To me this makes complete sense, to someone looking in (my girlfriend) it may seem as if I’m pushing you away. I feel like I’ve truly lost my happiness that I once had within myself. I feel like for a while now I’ve been riddled with guilt, anxiety and depression but I can’t seem to shake these feelings. I think it may stem from doubt. I don’t feel as if I’m good enough for her or even deserve much. I’m so afraid of being hurt that I try to hurt everyone else before they get to me which in turn just makes everything worse. I have constant negative thoughts and can’t seem to let go of the little things when it comes to her. I love this girl with all my heart and I’ve already expressed my sorrows. She makes me insanely happy and I feel like my fucked up brain is ruining the one good thing I have. Any words of advice, encouragement or even criticism is accepted.

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