feeling lost
Hi all, I’ve recently entered a new relationship and not only is it my first real relationship, it is also with another woman. I noticed that we began to argue a lot, practically everyday but we always made up. Today, I felt as though she was being unavailable rude and I allowed my feelings to build up to a point where I exploded. She said one thing and that turned into me saying some things that I truly regret. Being that this is my first relationship, I’m still trying to figure everything out. I have been told by my partner that I am “defensive” which I’m trying to work on, in addition to other flaws. I feel guilty for getting upset over minor things, but I do not know any other way to handle them. They plague my brain until I can’t take it anymore. To me this makes complete sense, to someone looking in (my girlfriend) it may seem as if I’m pushing you away. I feel like I’ve truly lost my happiness that I once had within myself. I feel like for a while now I’ve been riddled with guilt, anxiety and depression but I can’t seem to shake these feelings. I think it may stem from doubt. I don’t feel as if I’m good enough for her or even deserve much. I’m so afraid of being hurt that I try to hurt everyone else before they get to me which in turn just makes everything worse. I have constant negative thoughts and can’t seem to let go of the little things when it comes to her. I love this girl with all my heart and I’ve already expressed my sorrows. She makes me insanely happy and I feel like my fucked up brain is ruining the one good thing I have. Any words of advice, encouragement or even criticism is accepted.
Hey, I’m not rlly qualified to give advice but I was in a similar situation. I wouldn’t let myself have a good thing. Face the facts, this is a person who wants to be with you, they’ve entered a relationship with you. Our brains uses a coping mechanism when previously facing trauma, to hurt someone before they do it to you. That’s what I did. It just hurts all parties involved. It’s rlly hard especially when it’s your first, your new to all of this. Remember no relationship is perfect and requires work and it seems like both you and your girlfriend are ready to put it in. Sorry if this wasn’t much help but I wish you good luck in ur relationship.
@itsmxl0000
Congratulations on your first real relationship with a woman who makes you insanely happy!
It can be scary to be part of magic that threatens to fade at the slightest imperfection. This might explain why every little thing seems deeply important while you're both still figuring your way around the new relationship and each other's personalities.
The positive seems to be that you're actively listening to her and have already a list of everything you're trying to work on. Perhaps you also have a few aspects that you'd want her to work on. It's like the marathon; it takes time, effort and patience on both sides to build a relationshp that's perfect for you both.
e.g. her being rude today hurt you. Instead of asking her to stop, you hurt her back more. It will understandably take some time for you to figure out the best way to deal with the intense emotions that come with being in love. As you talk through issues, even argue out points, it can help to remember that it's you (both) against the issue. Not you against her.
Nobody is perfect; you still both chose to be together because that's what "happy" is to you! I hope you are able to navigate this phase together :) Good luck!