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iwasaknife
1 55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2018 Member sinceMay 10, 2018
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I cannot pretend to be happy anymore...
Relationship Stress / by iwasaknife
Last post
 May 10th, 2018
...See more I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now on and off. We have a 4 year old son together. I work full time, go to school full time, and take care of our son full time. He works full time. I don't know where to begin. I feel like every single time I talk about it, I'm trying to convince myself that things will get better, when I know they won't. My boyfriend has a lot of qualities that I can no longer stand. He literally watches youtube videos on his phone from the moment he wakes up to the moment he fall asleep. He won't get off of his phone to play with our son. He acts like it is a huge inconvienence to his day. I hate the videos too. They are constantly cussing. Sometimes he will use his headphones, but then it's like he is tuning everyone out and no one can talk to him. Not only that, but when my son goes to bed at 8 PM, right away he begins to play video games on our one tv. 8 PM to 2 AM. I have told him how it makes me feel (lonely), and he tells me that he is lonely too, and that I never spend time with him. So it's my fault? I tell him that I can't stay up that late, and he is playing xbox live with friends, so he isn't engaging me whatsoever. It's always my fault. His latest complaint is that I don't call him "husband." He calls me "wife" although we are not married. I don't call him this because 1) it makes me uncomfortable 2) I don't see him in that way and 3) he isn't my husband. The end. But he gets super worked up about it, and it bothers me because I don't see it as an important issue. When he actually decides he wants to spend time with my son and I, I feel like he still isn't interested. He constantly raises his voice at my son, he has so patience, and he refuses to apologize to my son if my son is hurt by him. This bothers me as a mother so much. I get angry beign around him because he isn't supportive whatsoever. He doesn't play with him enough. He doesn't let my son try to do things. He constantly calls my son "rude." I just cannot stand how he fathers. But I also understand that I literally won't be able to do much about it.... He treats me like crap and blames everything on me. The apartment is not clean? It's because I don't make our 4 year old clean up after himself. I'm unhappy? Well, you (I) don't stay up after he's done playing video games to spend time together. I am depressed? Well so is he. I don't feel appreciated? Well neither does he. While I understand where he is coming from, I have so much on my plate and I feel like he doesn't support me whatsoever. I understand he plays games to relax, but every day for hours on end? We have one TV and I don't get to use it... ugh. Another problem I have with him is how little he does to help. He refuses to wake up with our son. He won't empty or load the dish washer. He won't help with dinners. He won't go grocery shopping. He won't pick up milk on the way home from work for our son. He would rather order pizza than make food. Between working full time, trying to pick up our son from school, working on my homework, making food, and shopping, I am exhausted. I am not going to lay it all out, because I'm sure some stuff is silly, but I just can't stand him anymore. I resent him. I hate him. I am insulted my his presence. I feel like I'm taking care of a roommate. I feel like he doesn't care about me. Or how I feel. He doesn't take care of me how I need. I am so alone and depressed. Our lease ends in September and I no longer want to live with him. He is obviously comfortable and ignores how many times I've told him how unhappy I am... How do I tell him? He is extremely explosive and I am nervous to do it. I just don't know how to do it. It would be easier to not, but I want happiness. I want less stress. I just want a happy life for me and my son. Anyone else have experience with this??
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