I cannot pretend to be happy anymore...

@iwasaknife

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I don't know where to begin. I feel like every single time I talk about it, I'm trying to convince myself that things will get better, when I know they won't. (You are trying to convince yourself and find reasons to stay because you are afraid of loneliness, starting all over again, afraid your unmet needs will stay unmet, and trying to avoid the pain of a breakup) My boyfriend has a lot of qualities that I can no longer stand. He literally watches youtube videos on his phone from the moment he wakes up to the moment he fall asleep. (This communicates that deep down he feels empty or feels like everything is overwhelming, so he avoids reality by watching videos, it's like some sort of coping mechanism) He won't get off of his phone to play with our son. He acts like it is a huge inconvienence to his day. I hate the videos too. They are constantly cussing. Sometimes he will use his headphones, but then it's like he is tuning everyone out and no one can talk to him. (That's exactly what he is doing. He is very focused on coping and relieving how he feels inside to the point he no longer focuses on the people around him) Not only that, but when my son goes to bed at 8 PM, right away he begins to play video games on our one tv. 8 PM to 2 AM. I have told him how it makes me feel (lonely), (You are feeling disconnected from him, which is understandable with how things has been. I could tell you tried to communicate with him.) and he tells me that he is lonely too, (He is clearly not listening and focused mostly on how he feels. It's impossible to have communication with a person like him) and that I never spend time with him. (He is deflecting the issue here, and making it all about him) So it's my fault? I tell him that I can't stay up that late, and he is playing xbox live with friends, so he isn't engaging me whatsoever. (He is not being present with you, while you are trying to work on things and being with him...) It's always my fault.

His latest complaint is that I don't call him "husband." He calls me "wife" although we are not married. (This tells me that calling you "wife" comes with an attachment and expectation, and if he doesn't get it is where he will start to get insecure and anxious. The problem is not that you are not calling him "husband", but rather his insecurities and limited beliefs are activating. His thoughts about this sounds like "I don't feel loved or cared by you since you are not calling me "husband", I call you "wife" so you should call me "husband", as you can see this has to do with his own insecurities) I don't call him this because 1) it makes me uncomfortable 2) (It's understandable, you are not at that emotional level where it would make you feel special, since the things he says sound forced) I don't see him in that way and 3) he isn't my husband. (True, so theres no need to call him that) The end. But he gets super worked up about it, and it bothers me because I don't see it as an important issue. (He is just a person who lacks self-love, self-care, so he will behave in certain ways on an attempt to get that love from you, however it comes across as needy so it makes you feel uncomfortable)

When he actually decides he wants to spend time with my son and I, I feel like he still isn't interested. (It sounds like he goes through the emotions) He constantly raises his voice at my son, (He is taking his anger on him, this will cause emotional issues on your son) he has so patience, and he refuses to apologize to my son if my son is hurt by him. (This tells me he lacks empathy, self-awareness and a hard time accepting responsability when he is on the wrong) This bothers me as a mother so much. I get angry beign around him because he isn't supportive whatsoever. (At first it was disappointment, then anger, and now it has turned into resentment, which means your feelings for him are probably non existant) He doesn't play with him enough. He doesn't let my son try to do things. (This is going to affect your son development, growing up he will be afraid to try new things and explore the world while feeling confident) He constantly calls my son "rude." (This is going to cause your son to feel neflected, abandoned, and then he will become afraid to be himself growing up because he will internalize it as "being rude" and then he will often behave insecure) I just cannot stand how he fathers. But I also understand that I literally won't be able to do much about it....(Yes you can, by ending things...)

He treats me like crap and blames everything on me. (This tells me you don't have self-respect, so it'll make him have zero respect for you. He needs to have respect for you, if not then he will do zero investment in you or the relationship. He often projects and blame you for everything even though you are not at fault) The apartment is not clean? It's because I don't make our 4 year old clean up after himself. I'm unhappy? Well, you (I) don't stay up after he's done playing video games to spend time together. I am depressed? Well so is he. I don't feel appreciated? Well neither does he. (You are both unhappy in this relationship, so it needs to end before it causes more emotional issues on your son and your well being) While I understand where he is coming from, I have so much on my plate and I feel like he doesn't support me whatsoever. I understand he plays games to relax, but every day for hours on end? We have one TV and I don't get to use it... ugh.

Another problem I have with him is how little he does to help. (This relationship is one sided...) He refuses to wake up with our son. He won't empty or load the dish washer. He won't help with dinners. He won't go grocery shopping. He won't pick up milk on the way home from work for our son. (He will not do any of this because he simply knows he can get away it...It's very important to let a relationship be one-sided, because then one partner will take the other for granted and then they will lose respect) He would rather order pizza than make food. Between working full time, trying to pick up our son from school, working on my homework, making food, and shopping, I am exhausted.

I am not going to lay it all out, because I'm sure some stuff is silly, (You are minimizing your own feelings and putting your needs second...It's not how it should be) but I just can't stand him anymore. I resent him. I hate him. I am insulted my his presence. (I could tell you have kept things inside for so long that it made you resent him) I feel like I'm taking care of a roommate. I feel like he doesn't care about me. Or how I feel. (He is way too focused on his own issues, it's impossible to have something healthy with a person like him who ignores reality) He doesn't take care of me how I need. (He is not supposed to take care of you, the kind of care you are mentioning its one you didn't receive growing up. He should respect you, value you, support you, love you, invest in you, but not that kind of care) I am so alone and depressed.

Our lease ends in September and I no longer want to live with him. (I feel you shouldn't, you will be unhappy with his behaviors. It's time to put your own needs first here) He is obviously comfortable and ignores how many times I've told him how unhappy I am... (You have done a good job at expressing yourself, but if the other person won't do anything then you go two choices; either stay while being unhappy or leave to find someone better) How do I tell him? (You can't do much here except leave, he would need professional help to change) He is extremely explosive and I am nervous to do it. (This tells me he lacks emotional self control, and this will cause your son to develop anxiety) I just don't know how to do it. It would be easier to not, but I want happiness. I want less stress. I just want a happy life for me and my son. (You will not have happy life with your boyfriend, the only thing you'll experience with him is loneliness, sadness and hurt)

Anyone else have experience with this??