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jarfold416
2 1,129 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts182 Forum posts23 Forum upvotes84 Current upvotes84 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2025 Member sinceJune 21, 2025
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say what you mean
General Support / by jarfold416
Last post
 July 7th, 2025
...See more My sister's family lives in the larger nearby city and they invited me and my dad to come hang out at their house for July 4th, but didn't give us a time. Come to find out, the date the fireworks were going to go off changed, but no one was going to tell us if we hadn't asked. Like it's no big deal whether we show up or not; come if you want, but if you don't, no one cares. I know they love us, but it feels so passive. I am so confused and frustrated and hurt. Seeing my dad hurt is even worse because no one is looking out for him but me and I can't make this better. Words used to carry so much weight for me, how you compose them matters. It is molding honey within the mouth of the mind. I don't talk in-person to people much, but I do love writing. It is my second body, a place my soul exists outside of skin. So it really hurts to say I am losing my trust in people because of words; people I love saying one thing and meaning another, their words and actions not matching, being less than the love they boast. Silence and absence speaking louder instead. Honey turning to acid, burning and eroding all the way down. What am I doing here, filling up this space when none of it seems to matter. I said to someone here, isolation isn't the answer, it rarely helps, and I lied. I am eating my own vapid words. What a waste. What proof. So much for being encouraging. Mea culpa. Say what I mean and mean what I say - I wish I could just hold everything in, keep everyone out of this honeytrap.
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Hello
Religion & Spirituality / by jarfold416
Last post
 August 4th, 2025
...See more I guess I should introduce myself. I am a 35 Christian female. Introverted, writer, artistic, book fiend.  I am starved for fellowship and community. I don't have much opportunity for that where I am right now, plus just going through a dark place, so just looking to give encouragement and feel nourished. I am hopeful about the 7cups support system.  Thank you for being here.
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Thoughts on fighting loneliness.
General Support / by jarfold416
Last post
 July 1st, 2025
...See more I have been fighting - to be heard, to be invisible, to be strong, to be perfect. I fight for people, harder for them than I do for me. I fight to not hold it against them. I fight to remember the past, I fight to forget it, I wrestle this dark twistedness inside me. I fight to believe in God's grace for me because I don't feel worthy. I shadowbox with demons and give more than I have to lose. I am angry. I am tired. I feel I have been fighting on my own in silence, in fear, in knots, in shattered grief for as long as I can remember. How do I stop fighting wars that don't exist? How do I know what is real and what is safe to let go? When does the fighting become standing firm against strongholds, knowing I won't lose ground? When will faith feel like victory, this promised new creation feel like my own skin? Because these days all I do is retreat to shadows and call it hope. Friends will come again, they come and go and some return; they haven'treturned. But the light is slipping through my grip and I am afraid of this breathless wait.
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