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jaymajor
1 71 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2021 Member sinceMarch 2, 2021
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Direction: Found and Lost
Depression Support / by jaymajor
Last post
 March 5th, 2021
...See more I'm trying so hard to better myself. I even got into a spot where I believed in myself. However, that didn't last long. Chapter 4 hit me so hard I could have coughed up blood. I went in positive, but this isn't anything like I've experienced. My ego is battered and bruised after realizing that maybe computer networking isn't for me. IP addresses, binary, masking? What am I even doing? Maybe she was right, I am dumb. I am going to ask for aid from the professor and not give up, but right now I am reeling from defeat. Is it okay to ask for help? Even if the rest of the class is moving forward? "We're about to start chapter 5, is it okay to ask for help on a chapter that we've passed? I wouldn't be in this situation if I wouldn't have procrastinated. You're such an idiot. You really are a total loser. No one will ever care for you because you're an uneducated hick." Self depreciation and self loathing fill my head like wine being messily poured into a chalice. Dribbling down the sides of the cup and pooling at my feet. I never asked to be born. Clearly, I am of weak seed. A dead brother, an ailing father. Men do not fare well on this side. And, then of course, the ultimate cliche: "The world would be better if I'm gone."
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