justcallmeurie Member Profile

...See more I don't know if my past toxic relationships has something to do with this but I think it somehow trigger my trauma that leads to my toxic traits gotten worse. So this is the only time where I figure out and been aware of my traits of being entitled, prideful, self degradation and I think self absorbed. As I've read the book of Mark Manson entitled "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" it gives me more clarification about what I'm feeling. Since I was a child I'm already aware that I'm not the favorite one. I wasn't noticed often, I also wasn't receiving as much compliments my sibling were getting. So I was full of resentment and had an anger issue. I still have it right now but it not that worse anymore. When I got into a almost 2 years relationship it was also toxic to the point that there's a chain in my neck, my ex was so strict, I wasn't able to see my friends and my opinions were invalidated. I don't really know but I only know that somehow right now I'm the problem. I degrade myself so much where I don't want to talk to anybody but at the same time asking why no ones not talking to me or noticing me, I also got a problem with acceptance and letting things go. I can't even forgive myself yet because I can't accept the fact that it happened to me or people don't really care about me. It's indeed such a chaotic mind. I wish it will end or if it don't then I'm the one who's not going survive.

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