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kevtay1994
2 337 M Embraced 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 8, 2026
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Currently struggling with past decisions I’ve made that have caused me to most likely lose my wife and my marriage and looking for somebody/people to talk to as I have almost no support system right now

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Relationship Stress / by kevtay1994
Last post
 September 9th
...See more Good morning everyone. I’ve been married to my wife for just over 7 years now, and our anniversary was actually yesterday. Over the years I’ve struggled with feeling unseen and unwanted at times. I had talked with my wife about those feelings before, and things had gotten better, so we continued moving forward with life. About 8 months ago, I made some choices that I deeply regret. I was spending time on an online community I shouldn’t have been on and ended up developing a connection with another woman. At the time, I was struggling emotionally and felt like I was getting attention and connection that I felt was missing in my marriage. Instead of dealing with those feelings in a healthy way, I made selfish decisions that eventually crossed boundaries and became an emotional affair. My wife found out about everything about 3 weeks ago. I had already ended the relationship and left the online community about 2 months before she found out, but I had not been completely honest about what had happened. Since she found out, I’ve tried to be completely open and honest. I’ve started seeing a therapist because I know I have things within myself that I need to work on. I’ve also been trying to understand my attachment issues, my need for reassurance, and the impulsive decisions I sometimes make when I’m struggling emotionally. I take full responsibility for what I did. I’m not trying to make excuses or blame my wife. I hurt someone I love, and I understand why she is having such a difficult time with it. She has been very clear that she believes divorce may be the right decision and that she may never be able to move past what happened. As painful as that is, I understand that she gets to feel that way. Unfortunately, I made another poor decision this morning. We had previously discussed that going through each other’s phones was a boundary, and I crossed that boundary. While doing that, I discovered that she had recently reached out to someone from her past because she was also looking for some emotional connection and to feel seen. We talked about it, and she was honest with me about why she did it. I understand her reasoning because, in a way, I recognize those same feelings in myself. The difference is that I know my actions caused much more damage, and I don’t want to use what she did as a way to justify my own choices. Honestly, I don’t know what the outcome of our marriage will be. A part of me is still desperately hoping there is an “us” on the other side of this, while another part of me is trying to accept that I may have caused damage that can’t be repaired. The hardest part right now is dealing with the anxiety and guilt. I know I caused a lot of this situation, and I’m trying to take responsibility for it while also learning how to cope with everything I’m feeling. Outside of my wife and her dad, I don’t really have much of a support system. I have siblings, but we aren’t particularly close, and I don’t really have anyone I can call when I’m overwhelmed and just need to talk. I have started therapy, which has been helpful, but it’s only one hour a week. The rest of the time I’m left alone with a lot of thoughts and emotions. I’m not looking for someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I know there may not be a way to make everything okay. I just believe that the only way through something like this is one step at a time. What I’m really looking for is someone I can talk to, check in with, and be honest with when things get overwhelming. I need somewhere to put these thoughts instead of carrying all of them around by myself. I know I made these choices, and I will take responsibility for them. I just don’t want to go through the aftermath completely alone. If anyone has been through something similar, or even if you just understand what it’s like to feel completely alone while trying to work through something difficult, I’d really appreciate having someone to talk to.
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