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kindEyes2070
2 608 M Embraced 5
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts144 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2026 Member sinceMarch 17, 2026
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CPTSD from childhood
Trauma Support / by kindEyes2070
Last post
 March 28th
...See more Hi, I’m a 27-year-old male survivor of childhood trauma. This is my first time posting here. When I was around five, something happened with my mother that I didn’t understand at the time. I didn’t realize it was wrong — I was just confused. I remember being in her bed, looking into her eyes, and then everything going black. I even drew the memory in kindergarten, and my teacher noticed, but my mother told them it was just a dream. I’ve carried that confusion and memory for decades. As an adult, I’ve noticed patterns in my relationships that echo that childhood experience. I tend to trust people quickly when they show interest, but I often get hurt, abandoned, or ghosted after intimacy or closeness. Even when things start well, it usually ends with the other person drifting away, leaving me feeling deeply betrayed and alone. I can have fulfilling connections at first, but my trust and vulnerability seem to make me a target for people who aren’t willing to stick around. This makes the trauma feel alive again — the same feelings of abandonment, confusion, and despair I had as a child return in full force. Tonight, it’s especially overwhelming, and I feel completely ruined, exhausted, and hopeless. I’m looking for understanding, validation, and maybe advice on coping with these waves of memories and the way they affect my relationships. I just need to feel heard and less alone right now. I'm completely falling part at the seams and my core, I can't focus at work and barely hold it together. I feel as if I'm a machine that serves others, yet my gears have become rusted to the point of catastrophic failure. These relationships have only made the wounds deeper and far worse, it feels as if I only exist on the heights of despair. I feel so completely broken, so damaged and ruined. It feels as if my entire life was only to pay for the sins of my father and mother and nothing else. I've been nothing but alone even around others, nobody knows my pain because I only smile and joke. I don't understand why this life, this world chose to give me struggle to this extent. I can't take getting hurt again, I really can't.
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