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kindLime9521
758 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts33 Forum posts32 Forum upvotes36 Current upvotes36 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceOctober 28, 2020
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Missing you
Relationship Stress / by kindLime9521
Last post
 September 21st, 2022
...See more I miss you so bad today it hurts. Everything reminds me of you. Has two weeks really been the longest in 3 years we’ve gone without talking? Feels like it. Everything reminds me of you, even though I’ve been insanely busy. I pray this week gets easier because every minute feels like a week without you, but the part that scares me more is I’m pretty sure you haven’t thought about me at all. I pray my heart heals soon.
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The ache in my heart
Relationship Stress / by kindLime9521
Last post
 September 17th, 2022
...See more It’s not the first time we’ve gone without talking, I seem to find myself in the position over and over again. This time feels real though, as I know we can’t keep in this toxic cycle. I know you’re not good for me, and I’m sad more than I am happy begging for your table scraps of attention. So why does everything hurt so much knowing I can’t reach out and talk to you. You were the only person who could make me feel better, but with the capability of destroying me which you did so often with your indifference toward me. Me trying to be perfect so you would love me and destroying myself always falling short of an unattainable goal. I wonder if I cross your mind, but I guess it doesn’t matter because last time I saw you, you crossed a line. I wish I could forget you and move on, or just not feel this ache anymore.
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A bad day
Relationship Stress / by kindLime9521
Last post
 September 9th, 2022
...See more I’m not even sure where to start. I’m feeling angry sad mad, everything. My ex and I broke up a year ago. We still ate intimate despite it not being a good idea. I still love him with all my heart despite the times he has hurt me and told me he can’t give me what I want. So I accept the small amount of time together I get with him, about once a month. He is married and I have known he is still intimate with his wife, as he has told me. The way I have tried to navigate this situation Is, I ask questions when I need to know or set a personal boundary. I have always maintained that he can ask me also anything he wants as I think it’s only fair. I told him about a month ago, I was dating again but no one in particular and nothing serious, so I assumed he was okay with it and I’d hear more questions when he wanted to know. I’ve also let him know that even though I have been on dates and am casually speaking to other people, that I have not been intimate with anyone other than him in the 2 years of our relationship and the year we’ve been broken up. 2 days ago we decided to have a nice day together, and I ended up getting buzzed after trying to keep up with his drinking. I told him I needed to lie down and take a nap, which I did. In that time, we went through my phone looked at all my messages pictures, etc, screen shotted them, yelled screamed at me and even threw things at me. i do understand seeing that information may have been upsetting, but I would have never lied to him about any of it if he asked me. Also I feel as seeing he has been going back to gis wife every time he had spent time with me, and even admitted to flirting with other woman, it is extremely hypocritical to be upset at me when he in fact has been dating other people as well. I just don’t understand how he’s always said he wants me to be happy and he can’t give me that, and then betrayed my trust when yes, the situation is complicated and I can understand that, he and I have not been exclusive for a year and He knows that. Illy heart breaks about this situation. I did start to date again but I know I only have feelings for my ex. Yes, it could be seen as wrong, but I honestly have been forth coming with all parties involved, my ex and the other men where I stand and what I am capable of, and yet I don’t believe I deserve how I was treated. I doubt he will ever speak to me again, and it breaks my heart as I have cried over this man every day for a year and a half, and I just don’t know what to do. I am leaving him alone as I am not okay with his behavior towards me, nor am I okay with my reaction to the entire situation. Am I crazy for thinking he betrayed my trust? Is what he did okay
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Feeling lost
Relationship Stress / by kindLime9521
Last post
 June 21st, 2022
...See more I found this site a year ago, when my boyfriend and I broke up. I was devastated and needed someone to talk to. Although it was a very toxic relationship to be in, we got back together shortly after and dated for a few more months. We broke up again in October after I had an issue with some food allergies and ended up in the hospital, and he wasn’t there. Again, the sadness was overwhelming. We didn’t see each other or speak for a few months, I blocked him and tried to move on with my life. A few months back we went to dinner and started this kinda “situationship” again, except this time I knew it wasn’t good and it would never work out and that he would hurt me again. Where once I found comfort in someone’s time and voice I felt uneasy. Text and calls came on his time frame and it was like k was just being used. I’ve been very unhinged and depressed since this started up again despite going to my therapist weekly. I know I need to cut him out of my life and it’s not good for me, and is causing me unmeasurable pain. I just don’t understand how I still miss him and care for him even after all the lies and deceit I have discovered for our entire three year relationship, and still happening now. I wish I could look back and say a year later I am better and happy but I feel like nothing has changed and I’m still right where I was. I just don’t want this man to have the power over me he does, and I don’t want to be weak when he offers scraps of attention and slight affection to me, yet it still happens. just feeling down about my own progress today and wanted to vent.
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Venting about a toxic ex
Relationship Stress / by kindLime9521
Last post
 February 22nd, 2022
...See more It’s been since October since my boyfriend and I broke up…. For the second time. I was devastated and still have hard days. We were together for over 2.5 years but I’ll be honest it was a very toxic relationship. I know now he was always lying to me, telling half truths, cheating, and also being controlling. I couldn’t see my friends or go out or post a picture without a fight. If I did go out I’d have to send pictures of what I was wearing etc. on top of this, he never made time for me u less I begged and still he always had time for everything and everyone else. He wanted to try and remain friends after this breakup, where I told him I couldn’t forgive him because I was in the hospital, and yet 2 parties that weekend were more important. About a month after the breakup, I blocked him on social media, and even blocked his number knowing that I just couldn’t have him in my life, always looking at my phone to see if he would text me. I couldn’t be like that so even though I didn’t want to I knew I had to be strong enough to block him. 2 days later or course, he emails me realizing I blocked him and was furious. After an email exchange, I told him I unblocked his phone number and that was it but kept him blocked on social media, NOT because I didn’t want him knowing what I was doing but because I knew I couldn’t have access to him. Of course there were times after this I’d reach out to him with no response etc, so I should have kept him blocked. About a month ago, I knew I’d be running into him for a friends birthday party. I asked him that day if he still cared or had feeling for me and he said no. I asked if he wanted to fool around one last time because I was trying to get closure. We did, and even though it wasn’t for the best I do think it helped me realize what I was to him. Since though then I have been frustrated with the situation I am in with him. Even that night he was telling me about the posts I had posted on social media, so either someone was sending it to him, or he created a fake account to see. To this day if I take a picture, go to a restaurant with friends anything, shortly after I get a text either that day or the next few days asking about how it was. It bothers me because why is he still watching what I’m doing? Why does he care? It’s as if he enjoys torturing me. He has told me he doesn’t care about me and I have to know that knowing that even though he treated me like shit, I still have feelings for him but wish I didn’t. This past weekend I posted a menu at my favorite restaurant I was at celebrating a friends birthday. 20 mins later he texts me, asks how I’m doing , says I was thinking about you and I’m heading to your favorite restaurant. I was there!!! I told him I was there and asked him not to come. Still asking questions like what are you wearing and please be careful and don’t drink too much, but I begged him not to come: luckily he didn’t and that’s for the best because it would have ruined my night, but the thing is it already did. I know I can’t see him and it wouldn’t have been terrible if he showed up, but part of me was disappointed and even sad I didn’t get to see him. I just don’t know why no matter what I do he seems to have this hold on me and I just want my life back and to feel like myself again, but this stuff makes it so hard, especially knowing somehow and for some reason I don’t understand he continues to keep tabs on me. Just needed to vent.
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Missing themm
Relationship Stress / by kindLime9521
Last post
 December 31st, 2021
...See more If you and that person know you they cant give you wat you want, and you deserve to get those things, how do you get over them when you both still love each other? Some days I’m ok and then the next minute uncontrollably crying.! I wasn’t happy for a while begging for time and attention so why do I miss him so much now?
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Sadness
Relationship Stress / by kindLime9521
Last post
 November 21st, 2021
...See more Today, even though it’s been almost a month since the breakup, I am sad. Everything I do reminds me of him, I try to get him out of my head and I can’t. All I want to do is reach out and talk to him, but I know I can’t. I just don’t know why. Today it hurts so badly. I just want to feel better and not have this put in my stomach. It’s becoming hard to maintain just normal life, I’m depressed, I don’t want to work, the thought of cleaning and doing laundry seems impossible. I just want to feel better, and to not miss him.
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Feels weird today
Relationship Stress / by kindLime9521
Last post
 November 11th, 2021
...See more Today I was offered a position I’ve been working really hard to get. We used to talk everyday about everything and it’s so weird to not call him and tell him. Makes me a little sad because he was there for journey, but not the finish line.
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