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kindLion1730
228 M Embraced 2
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2023 Member sinceMarch 29, 2023
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Insecure and emotional when talking with husband
Relationship Stress / by kindLion1730
Last post
 March 31st, 2023
...See more My husband and I have been together for over 10 years, married for seven. I have always had a problem with keeping my true feelings to myself, and having a hard time, expressing my opinions, thoughts on things, and even making simple decisions. Twice this has Highly affected our relationship. Both times it was because of the same reason. growing up, I had an older sister and a younger sister, who had a better relationship with each other than they did with me. A lot of the times I was excluded to go play with other kids, or when I would try to talk or expressed myself, I was pushed to side or completely ignored. Or if I did say something they would come back with a snarky remark, or some thing to make me feel like what I said was stupid. To this day, I don’t have the best relationship with my oldest sister. A lot of the time growing up I would be the one that would get in trouble with our parents. because of how I was treated, my brain would force, that my thoughts and opinions didn’t matter so I would keep my mouth shut, and just let it happen. I would look for validation in other things which would get me into more trouble, and it became a cycle of guilt. Now this is affecting my relationship with my husband. Both of us grew up with our parents making a decent living, but we were always told to save instead of spend, so we both have the mindset that spending money is not the best thing to do, and spending your money on frivolous things like eating out was a waste and a short-lived high. those times this affected our relationship is because I lied about going out to eat. I feel the need to be satisfied or included with my coworkers, or the need to feel better about myself, because we do have money now that we can spend, but I still feel guilty about it, so I either don’t tell him that I go out to eat, or if he asks a lie about it to avoid him getting upset about me spending money when we have food at the house. We’ve talked about it a little bit, and he’s not upset about the fact that I go out to eat, he’s upset about the fact that I lied about it. Which is understandable, because if the roles were reversed, I would be upset about it to. My problem is that I’m having trouble expressing my thoughts and feelings to him because my opinions have always been pushed aside and I’m scared of what he’s gonna say because I don’t want to get into any conflict with him. The other issue is that when I do want to talk with him, I get crazy emotional to the point where I can’t even speak and I’m at a complete loss for words. Both of us want me to be able to talk to him face-to-face, but right now, the only way I can even form a sentence to try to explain myself is by writing it down. I know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t know how to fix myself, but because he is the complete opposite of me I feel like he’s not going to understand the help that I feel like I need. i’m reading books and articles and finding similarities between me and other situations and thinking about my past and understanding what needs to be done to help me overcoming this, but I can’t get past his possible disapproval or rejection or disinterest, if I bring any of this up, because I’m afraid it’s going to sound like I’m just making up excuses and trying to turn it into something that it’s not there is a lot to unpack and process, I just don’t know what to do, or say to get us past this, and get in a position where I can actually try to work on my issues together
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