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kippz
2,089 M Hopeful Heart 2
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts37 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2024 Member sinceNovember 1, 2019
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Down in the ditch
Relationship Stress / by kippz
Last post
 November 6th, 2023
...See more I've been with my partner/ fiancé for more than 7 years now - we've been through tough times and good times. My fiancé is severely depressed, so I support her wherever I can - I'm living together with her and her 9 year old son, who because as much of a son to me over the years. A few days ago I found out that she was explicitly texting and exchanging revealing photos and videos with two guys she met while playing online games. She has been flirting with them for about 2 weeks, lying to me over that timespan regarding what she was doing/ who she was talking to, in order to mask those contacts. Obviously I'm devastated by that - we've been talking alot the last two/ three days but my bitterness and sadness doesn't seem to subside. Today, after bawling my eyes out towards her I've felt a little better, so I decided to again engage with what we're usually doing in the evenings, which is playing video games together. I felt intensely depressed the whole time since she was talking to other people she met through the game while we were playing and I could tell that she wanted to charm them - here voice was at an high pitch and her affections were soft almost childlike - it was so so far off of her baseline. So I've struggled through my hour or two of playing, barely speaking at all and then I layed down in bed. I have a bad feeling that I wont bounce back from what she did. I can't see her the way I did before... But breaking up would mean not only ending my relationship with her, but also, taking another intact family from her son/ my stepson. I hate this.
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Hoi
Depression Support / by kippz
Last post
 April 12th, 2021
...See more Hey there - for the sake of this board I'll go by Kippz. I'm a 24 year old law student and being here is probably just an extension of the coping mechanisms I've been using for my whole life. I also play guitar and I'm really into photography. I've been feeling depressed for the last 5 years. I've probably been feeling this way for longer but the memories of things that are older than that are fading. Five years ago I started to grow more sensitive to the topic of mental health so I guess that's also a reason as to why I can pinpoint my situation more accurately now, than when I was younger. This being said: I didn't get a diagnose. I know that sounds like the same old, same old story of someone going full on self-diagnosis mode but that's the reason why I'm writing that I've been "feeling depressed" instead of "being depressed". I have a girlfriend and a great circle of friends, yet I can't seem to be able to speak to any of them about how I feel. My gf needs alot of emotional support since she is clinically depressed so I don't want to burden her with my condition as well. I feel like I need to be her guardian in a way. A role that I think I couldn't fill in as effectively if she would know that there hasn't been a single day for the last months that I haven't been thinking about suicide. I know I would never go through with it but the thought of it is omnipotent.
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