Hoi

Hey there - for the sake of this board I'll go by Kippz. I'm a 24 year old law student and being here is probably just an extension of the coping mechanisms I've been using for my whole life. I also play guitar and I'm really into photography. I've been feeling depressed for the last 5 years. I've probably been feeling this way for longer but the memories of things that are older than that are fading. Five years ago I started to grow more sensitive to the topic of mental health so I guess that's also a reason as to why I can pinpoint my situation more accurately now, than when I was younger. This being said: I didn't get a diagnose. I know that sounds like the same old, same old story of someone going full on self-diagnosis mode but that's the reason why I'm writing that I've been "feeling depressed" instead of "being depressed". I have a girlfriend and a great circle of friends, yet I can't seem to be able to speak to any of them about how I feel. My gf needs alot of emotional support since she is clinically depressed so I don't want to burden her with my condition as well. I feel like I need to be her guardian in a way. A role that I think I couldn't fill in as effectively if she would know that there hasn't been a single day for the last months that I haven't been thinking about suicide. I know I would never go through with it but the thought of it is omnipotent.