kungfujedimaster95 Member Profile

...See more Story Of Surviving The Armageddon And Walking Through The Flames Of Hell Greetings and salutations brothers, sisters, ladies, gentlemen and to all my fellow humans who are trying to save their humanity from transforming into zombie robots. I want to formally introduce myself. I am 28 years old and I have done a B.E. 4 year degree program in Electrical Engineering and an M.E. 2 year degree program in Electrical Engineering from a prestigious institution in my country. I started my profession immediately after my post graduation and so far have 4 years of experience working in different leading enterprises, incorporatives, companies and organizations. I have worked in 8 organizations and I am faced with a unique dilemma as this has never happened before and should have at least not have happened to me. Having an I.Q. of 140 according to Mensa International, I began to utilize my intelligence according to much higher levels of philosophical, ideological, sociological and theological perspectives of existence trying to keep a stable balance of a foundational equilibrium between Optimism, Idealism, Rationalism and Existentialism. After integrating myself with genuine intellectuality and original sophistication I decided to upgrade my mental and physical abilities with personality and behavior in order to improve myself. I wanted to improve my education, qualification, sophistication and facilitation along with my skills, abilities, talents and potentials. I believe that in order to become an integral member of society that puts a positive impact on the world or the path towards goodness is achievable by understanding and learning the difference between good and evil or right or wrong and using that knowledge or information to formulate your morality by which you can build your empathy, altruism, compassion and kindness in an unbiased fashion that is not dependant on a desire or a wish for a reward or recognition or respect or retribution or even redemption. I am a multidimensional allrounder with multiple personality positive types and traits. I have got open mindedness to experience; I am very conscientious, extraverted, showing high tendency of agreeableness, with humility, balanced self esteem, balanced tendency to get perfectionism and I utilize all forms of learning styles like synthesis analysis, methodical study, fact retention and elaborative processing. I also have a fairly balanced personality in regards with sensation, intuition, thought, feeling, emotion, warmth, reasoning, liveliness, consciousness, conscientiousness, social boldness, sensitivity, and vigilance. I am a Type A personality with all four temperaments like Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic and Phlegmatic joined together in a multifarious network that projects my behavior in different permutations and combinations of random and complex variables that display my identity in a unique or different manner in specific kind of situations, but majority of the time I make an effort or take an initiative to synchronize with my surrounding environment without negotiating the foundational structure of my moral integrity. I try to practice the seven virtues of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility. I make an effort and take initiative in integrating and assimilating myself with positive emotions like affection, confidence, contentment, courage, curiosity, desire, empathy, gratitude, happiness, hope, interest, joy, love, passion, trust and wonder. I am living among people who have a narrow perspective of life. I believe you should not underestimate other people and not judge others lest you be judged yourself. I didnt get time to indulge myself in the finer things in life because I was too busy working hard in progressing and evolving into a more knowledgeable person who understands the difference between good and evil and right and wrong and uses empathy and altruism as well as compassion and kindness to make this world a better place. I wasnt allowed to watch television or film or use computer or internet in my student days and I have never had fun in my life. I have worked in 8 organizations out of which 2 were of international level. I am writing Doctoral thesis and post-doctoral research papers for Engineers, Doctors, Scientists, Technologists, Physicists, Mathematicians, Chemists and Biologists. I am the founder of my "Martial Arts Institution And Organization". I invented the first Robot Doctor on artificial intelligence that works better than a human doctor in diagnosing minor diseases and illnesses, I am the founder of my own rock band, worked in radio as a DJ and RJ, wrote an encyclopedia book on Martial Arts. I have 8 black belts in different styles of martial arts like Kung fu, Taekwondo, Aikido, Jujutsu, Karate, Ninjutsu, Savate and Muay Thai Kick Boxing, I am 7 times national champion in Gymnastics and 9 times national champion in Kung fu, 2 times national selector and 2 times national judge, I have written my first rock album and my first rap album and I am also a maker of documentaries and films so what I am trying to say is that I didnt make all of these achievements while sitting in my room as some arrogantly ignorant and obliviously naïve people think. In order to become a genuinely intellectual and originally sophisticated individual, I had to study really firm and had to work very hard to read thousands of books on a multidimensional allrounder level on a diverse variety of all academic disciplines ranging between arts, humanities, social sciences, pure sciences, natural sciences and applied sciences to understand how this world really works. I believe that in order to formulate new ideas you have to join the old ones together in a fusion hybrid to gain broader perspective. I believe that in order to invent new things you have to indulge yourself in innovation, creativity, research, development, exploration, discovery, manufacturing and design. This is how I live my life and I am very successful in it. Remember success is not measured by the amount of money that we have accumulated but by the amount of contribution that we have made to society by helping our fellow man. I have done plenty with the grace of God. Thats why I am affiliated with 8 NGOs. I know that I have worked very hard in my life studying and working 16 to 18 hours a day and after being an educated, qualified, sophisticated, facilitated individual with high level of skills, abilities, talents, potentials, wisdom and intelligence and massive stages of knowledge and information from all fields and departments of academic disciplines, I faced a lot of setbacks and things may not have appeared to work out for me at this period of time but the game is not over until its over right? But people just dont stop being idiots and dont learn how to admit their mistake and apologize for it or grow up or wake up. Unfortunately my family and my relatives do not appreciate my efforts and initiatives because they like to have a good time making fun of me and also because they want to live in their pornographic fantasy that they are the only ones who are working hard while the rest of the people are just busy violating their fathers, brothers, husbands, sons, mothers, sisters, wives and daughters. I guess haters are always going to hate no matter what you do. Kindness is given not because it is deserved; it is given because it is needed. If another human is in pain we should help him not because of our selfish ambitions of gaining happiness by a meaningful endeavor that puts a purpose in our life but as a reflex action of survival by having faith in the collective consciousness of the human race. We are a single body as we are all connected and if we do good we can spread our positive influence to promote goodness. So if a single part of a body is in pain the whole body should feel it and that is how we should be helpful to other people not for the sake of getting anything but the relief of your fellow human from his/her pain. Using that morality we can inspire and motivate other people to follow us in the forward direction in order to progress and evolve into a better species. I thought I had the answer to everything, but I was mistaken. It is just so simple to live your life in arrogant ignorance and oblivious naiveté indulging in reckless conformity and believing to your convenience the lies that your elders are feeding you based on their shallow and superficial philosophy of life. I was also a victim of these poetic inferences and was made to believe in the nonsense of a fairytale, wonderland, sunshine, rainbow, utopian, euphoria, butterfly, pixie fluttering towards a formulation of a predictable future. I was taught that if you be good to others then good things will happen to you. I was taught that if you trust, respect, honor, and dignify your elders everything is going to work out for you and if you work hard in your life then you are going to achieve the fruits of your labor. What a load of garbage. I learned the hard way that life is a permutation and combination of random and complex variables and no matter who, what, when where, why, which and how you came into your existence you will not have a fair chance of winning the game if it is going to be rigged from the very beginning and the system is going to be screwed. If life was working according to a formula then I would have been king of the world. But it actually doesnt and we are just a bunch of biochemical reactions integrated and assimilated together with mathematical probabilities. I had a promising future, my job, career, business and trade were going just fine until all hell broke loose. Let me inform you that I live in one of the most corrupt countries in the world but I do not want to give any locations or names so that there is no bias. It all started with the destruction in the finances, resources, market and economy of the whole country and when rich guys decided to take everything away for themselves. I was project manager when the company that I was working for decided to downsize my department because they were not generating much revenue and so it all began; the gradual decline in job opportunities and unemployment rates skyrocketing through the roof. The whole country took a nose dive; the stock market crashed, prices increased, businesses started closing down, inadequate budget, low quality, insufficient quantity, demand and supply gone wrong, loans denied, debt piled; it was the beginning of the Armageddon. In all of this turmoil the elites were having the time of their lives, using their contacts and references they drained the blood out of the working classes and made huge sums of money. The politicians in their lust and greed for power and influence were stealing from the treasury. This had been going on for quite a while but nobody could do anything because of tyrannical dictatorship of our corrupt totalitarian, imperialistic, government and private sector. Ultimately this was bound to happen; now my country is in shambles and there is nothing left. Now let me tell you something about how the system of my country works. All around the world there is a merit system on which a selection criterion is based in regards with employment but unfortunately in my country jobs can only be acquired through references and bribes. The higher the reference is the better the job you are going to get which means the rich guys are going to win again. A person from a middle class family like me with no references does not stand a chance or even if he does the statistical probability of him surviving in the long run is like one in ten. Now with these odds already stacked up against you, the journey is going to be quite arduous. My country is so corrupt down to the bone that it can put even the devil to shame. The people are dark, evil, morbid, bizarre, sick, twisted, bad and pathetic. A person in my country would take the last drop of blood out of his mothers grave if it would give him one second of profit. I am not saying all of them are like that but majority of them are like that and the reason is very simple; we are living in a glass jungle governed by only one rule which is survival of the fittest. This world has become really fast and peoples lust, greed, gluttony, sloth, wrath, envy and pride have gone way out of proportion because everything has become subjective towards relative perspectives of biochemical reactions, hormonal interactions, mathematical formulas, technical methodologies and instant gratification. We have become a bunch of zombie robots following a system that is slowly draining away even the shadow remnants of even our slightest forms of remaining humanity. The system that we are following is revolving around deceptive hypocrisy and selfish materialism and our faith and belief revolves around financial situations and reproductive organs. No wonder the society is degenerating to such a lower level that all of the lines have become blurry. People have started forgetting the difference between good and evil and right and wrong because everything is relative and a matter of perspective but then what is the difference between reality and illusion. Am I just supposed to roll over for the powers that be? I am living in a society where people tell you to bend over and take it in the ass, then put medicine on your hole and take psychotherapy for the pain because that is what we should do. And if anybody decides to fight back he is called a radical. We are basing our philosophy on internet memes and facebook statuses. I am living in a world where even absolute truths and universal facts are modified to suit everybodys narcissistic, histrionic, machiavellian, antisocial, psychopathic, personality disorder syndromes. The issue is not what is going on with the world; the issue is how I deal with it without transforming into them and losing my humanity. Why is it so difficult to make people understand even the simplest of things. I have absolutely no idea why am I facing this problem of rectifying this situation. Maybe I am being too analytical to something that is emotional or maybe its the other way around. Maybe the problem is not with them its with me; how do I know, how do I tell? Am I going through some kind of fear. What am I afraid of? A lot of bad things have happened to me in my life but I always survived because I am a fighter. But now I just dont know what is going on, have I reached my limit? There is a saying in our culture that if one gets burned by drinking hot milk even one time, he will blow even the foam of the milk next time in order to cool it down. Is this whats going on; have I lost my edge or is this a mild case of freezing up? I know it happens to even the best of us. But I dont get it why did this happen to me and at this period of time. My fears are getting the best of me and they are making me doubt myself, I am losing my confidence and with that my focus, concentration, memory and learning; a major compromise in the structural integrity of my executive functions of my brain which is totally unacceptable. I know self worth comes from within but I am surrounded by so much negative energy and dark thoughts of the people around me that it is impossible to not get affected by them. What is going on? There is a massive level of insanity everywhere. I have an insane family, insane friends, insane faculty, insane fellows even insane acquaintances. Why do I say that, well mainly because of their pessimistic and cynical approach towards everything which is infecting me as well. My fear is leading to doubt, doubt is leading to despair, despair is leading to anger, anger is leading to hate and so the downward spiral of negativity is promulgated. The people around me are living in ignorance and I feel myself isolated because I have got nobody to communicate or connect with in a way that they understand my situation, Its like nobody gets what Im saying and they take the wrong meaning and bring something totally shallow and superficial to my thoughts and feelings which are absolutely illogical or irrational. They try to over simplify and blame everything on me and say that it is my fault pretend everything is just fine and then just turn everything into a debating contest filled with facile arguments that are loaded with neurolinguistic programming and deflective material so that nobody is able to focus on the real issue and they win the pissing tournament. The whole country is filled with zombie robots with wannabe sophisticated pseudo-intellectual behaviors. Just acquire a professional degree, read a bunch of syllabus books, memorize a few quotes, watch a few documentaries, read a few blogs, indulge yourself in a few video games, purchase a few equipments, instruments, gauges and devices and your done. Your whole life now revolves around impressing people with your fame, fortune, wealth, property, assets, possessions, materials, politics, power and influence. Nobody wants to even think about making a little effort or taking a small initiative in studying other fields and departments of different academic disciplines like arts, humanities, social sciences, pure sciences, natural sciences or applied sciences and using that knowledge or information to further upgrade themselves by integrating themselves with the formulation of different ideas from various disciplines and inventing new ideas from it and moving that towards innovation, creativity, research, development, exploration, discovery, manufacturing and design like I try to do in order to progress and evolve but okay I get it; I am a freak but still would it really hurt to be a little broad minded to accommodate guys like us into your networking protocols? If you cant do that then at least let the other person be or just leave him alone, but no they dont want to do that. That would be like apostasy, blasphemy, heresy or infidelity. They dont want to do the hard stuff because they are so happy with their filthy rich spoiled pretentious lives that they want to believe in the fantasy that they are the good guys and we are the bad ones. So they can keep trying to exploit, manipulate, control and dominate us by tyrannically dictating every move of our lives, telling us how we are supposed to think and feel; what should be our story and what should we do in our life without even acknowledging or recognizing our free will. I am surrounded by a bunch of idiot, backward, primitive, savage, barbarians who would rape your father, brother, husband, son or mother , sister, wife or daughter without even flinching for one second. The ironic part of this scenario is that you would be stabbed in the back by the people you love the most. They would insult, patronize, disrespect and humiliate you because you dont conform to their style of principles, They would use religion, cultures, traditions, ethics and morals as a weapon to make you think and do whatever they want you to think and do; and the poetic part of this dichotomous paradox is that their hypocrisy would be believed as the real truth and dimensional fact due to the reason of the matter that they would have a better mobile phone while they utilize their opportunity to kill you from a mile away then have the guts to face you in a fair fight; and after that flush you down the toilet in the name of god. Or if they want to be a little bit more like melodramatically sentimental or theatrically synchronized they would probably torture you to death, and then throw you to the dogs and then bury what is left of you and spit and piss on your grave. Please excuse my pessimism or cynicism or my aggressive and sarcastic posture about my society but my negativity has got a strong foundational basis of justification. I have survived the Armageddon and walked through the flames of hell. Our whole nation is going through a massive level of confusion and conformity that is reducing the ideology of free thinking. I am not able to function adequately because I do not have the right to exercise my freedom. I respect my philosophical, ideological, sociological and theological perspectives of life and the same for others but unfortunately I do not get the same treatment. As long as I follow the conservative principles of my societys tradition; its fine, but as soon as I begin to indulge in any liberal views I am shunned beyond recognition. Thats unfair and I dont know how to fight back when I am dealing with a bunch of monkeys. I feel so alone and isolated, I wish I had someone to talk to in person but it is so hard to find good people. My standards are not too high; all I want is a person with a good personality and behavior; just a kind or nice person; is it too much to ask these days? Does everybody out there want to slash and take everything away from you? I am suffering from mental and physical diseases and illnesses. Apart from my anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension, I am also suffering from different kinds of immunodeficiency, ulcers, problems and troubles with my digestive and respiratory system, gastro esophageal reflux disease, fungal infections and the most devastating of all of them, floaters in my eyes. I guess God decided to take my wealth first and then my health as well. I belong to a dysfunctional family that has a father, mother, sister and brother. My family is suffering from a Narcissistic Machiavellian Histrionic Antisocial Psychopathic Personality Disorder Syndrome that is interfering with their normal functionality in building friendships and relationships. As we all know that relationships and friendships are made on trust, respect, loyalty justice, empathy, altruism, compassion and kindness of which they do not follow even one factor. They utilize what is known as the survival technique of a reptilian methodology. They are deceptively hypocritical and selfishly materialistic and their faith and belief revolve around financial situations and reproductive organs. They have compromised the foundational structure of their morality and humanity. They are living their lives as zombie robots who think that emotions are a waste of time and resources. They think love is just a biochemical that is used for mating rituals. They use logic and rationale to measure things according to formulas or laws derived from the various fields and departments of physics, mathematics, chemistry and biology. Although they do feel a basic sense of emotion they use it to fuel their negative energy. Most dominant of all their sensations or intuitions or thoughts or feelings revolve around the most dark, negative, cynical and pessimistic forms of human emotions. They usually restrain themselves from using their nature or instinct to develop real connections or deep relations because that puts them in an undesirable position of vulnerability. Their lust and greed for power and influence has made them a victim of arrogant ignorance and oblivious naiveté. They dont want to understand or learn anything because their filthily lazy and ridiculously incompetent. They have refused to use their senses in a positive fashion; they dont want to read, write, speak or listen about anything that goes against their modus operandi; meaning anything that challenges their hypocritical philosophy of life. Their philosophy, ideology, sociology or theology rotates around their own selfish ambitions, passions, targets or goals. They integrate with exploitation, manipulation, subjugation and domination to force their opinion or agenda in tyrannically dictating me to think and do whatever they want me to think and do. They just want to bridge the gaps inside their personality and behavior by over compensating for their inferiority complex and low self esteem. They are infected with the psychological disease of neuroticism, rigidity or inflexibility in their behavioral patterns, difficulty in making transitions or adherence to set patterns when it comes to their own self preservation, but at the same time they can suffer from disinhibition or impulsivity due to their inability or unwillingness to constrain their wishes or desires when someone elses well being is brought into consideration as a primary responsibility of their moral integrity. This leads to psychoticism which is typified by aggressiveness and interpersonal hostility leading to destructive impacts on their friendships and relationships. In order to make matters even worse they have an assimilation of obsessionality which are persistent, often unwelcome, and frequently disturbing ideas, thoughts, images, emotions, rumination, often inducing an anxious state. They also suffer from an unorthodox form of alexithymia which is the inability to express emotions or have no words for ones inner experience. My family is mostly impersonal, distant, reserved, detached, aloof, reactive emotionally, aggressive, competitive, stubborn, bossy, self-indulgent, threat sensitive, timid, hesitant, intimidated, tender minded, suspicious, skeptical, distrustful, oppositional, absent minded, impractical, artless, naïve, complacent, insecure, worrying, doubting, apprehensive, solitary, undisciplined, self-conflict, impulsive, careless, uncontrolled, tense, impatient, over wrought and frustrated. They are suffering from the vices of lust, greed, gluttony, sloth, wrath, envy and pride while plagued by negative emotions of anger, angst, anguish, annoyance, anxiety, apathy, boredom, contempt, depression, despair, disappointment, disgust, distrust, embarrassment, euphoria, fear, frustration, grief, hatred, horror, hostility, humiliation, jealousy, outrage, panic, pride, rage, resentment, sadness, sorrow and worry. My father is one of the most inhumane person I have ever known in my whole life. I think he is probably one of the most neurotic person in the world up to the level of Adolf Hitler. I have suffered mental and physical torture and brutality from him and he has tried to break me to the best of his ability but I only became more persistent in my stubbornness. He tried to make my life a living hell but he still couldnt break my spirit. I was grounded for most parts in my life for things that werent even my fault due to his arrogant ignorance and oblivious naiveté. He has a habit of turning everything into a bloody competition. I have absolutely no idea how a father could be jealous of his sons achievements. Why would he find the need to try to put me down on everything that I do in my life? He insults, patronizes, disrespects and humiliates me and doesnt care about anything that I do. Anything that I say or do is either wrong or not good enough or somebody else is better or not worthy of acknowledgement. He does not have the tolerance or flexibility to accommodate a difference of opinion or a unique idea that desynchronizes with his belief system. He does not even want to listen to something innovative that goes against his philosophy let alone try to understand or comprehend anothers view point. He is definitely not socially intelligent or wisely mature. He has a very serious temperamental problem which has ruined his friendships and relationships. He has made a lot of enemies at his work. He has absolutely no friends and he seldom meets his relatives. I think he has a serious level of OCPD. He uses exploitation, manipulation, subjugation and domination to forward his agenda for his own selfish ambitions. His approach towards life is that of a robot whose primary directive is to make people suffer in brutal pain and disastrous agony. Let me give you an example of how psychotic this person really is. When I was a kid he on the insistence of my mother took us to the zoo. We started to view different animals in their respective cages and things seemed to be going smoothly until we reached the Tigers dwelling. The cage was designed at a safe distance so that the animal does not feel threatened and a fence is built at a standard distance to keep the people away from the cage so that they dont get attacked through the bars, but somehow a few people jumped over the fence and moved in a little closer to take a good look at the Tiger who was in the other open area of the habitat. It is part of a Tigers nature to protect his home, so when they came nearer to the cage he got a whiff of their smell and he came to inspect what the activity was going on near the bars. Upon seeing a massive load of visitors of which a few were near the cage the Tiger felt threatened and he decided to mark his territory. A Tiger marks his territory in the standard way; by urinating around their lair and that is what he started doing. Now let me tell you that a Tiger can shoot his urine at great distances and according to some people at distances of 80 feet. He began spraying and squirting his urine on the visitors in front of him like they were target practice and he wanted to have some entertainment utilizing his warped sense of humor. His shooting mechanism was that of an 8 barrel gatling gun or a garden sprinkler. He was literally able to swing the piss in 8 different directions. My question in this situation was very simple; why in the name of Gods heaven is he using a diverse method of dispersing his piss in different permutations and combinations of technical formulations that go against his random variables in his regular style of defensive mechanism. I guess he just wanted to have some fun at our expense. So his range was quite substantial meaning close enough to spray it in the face of all the visitors which he started doing. Everybody moved and started to disperse away from the Tiger but my father found out too late and got sprayed upon in his face. Now any normal person would move away and wash his face but he took a serious offence to the Tiger and kept standing in the same point. This made the Tiger even more angry and he started to zero in on him specifically which turned into a literal display of a pissing contest. The only difference is that my father could not piss on him even if he tried because humans do not have that level of range, but he kept on standing his ground. The reason was very simple; he felt the need to stand his ground against an animal that is following his nature or instinct because he analyzed the situation as an attack on his honor and dignity making the Tiger an enemy which he needed to fight. His ego or pride was hurt and the only way of getting his stability was to stand his ground. I moved away instantly but he did not budge a single inch and got drenched with a full bladder of Tiger urine that got him soaked from head to toe, but he still stood there and refused to move. Finally the Tiger gave up only because there wasnt any fluid left, but the whole public got a full scene out of it. It was kind of like a stalemate or a stare down between my father and the Tiger. Ultimately the Tiger got bored after 20 minutes of this unnecessary and irrelevant activity and decided to act more maturely than my father and left the cage back into the open area. I was telling him to move but he didnt because if he did, it was going to be his defeat and he would rather die than be defeated. A similar yet more personal situation happened with me in the picture. Apart from getting beaten by him on a 24 hour basis, he liked to insult, patronize, disrespect and humiliate me in front of the whole world because that gave him a bizarre sense of satisfaction resulting from his sadistic desire to take pleasure by hurting people. I mean taking pleasure from other peoples misery was just a routine matter for him but deliberately targeting innocent and defenseless people for sport and hurting them mentally and physically was his biggest mode of operation; I think probably the purpose of his existence or his mission of life. He is an educationist and was the principal of the school in which I was the student as well. I know; the perfect recipe for disaster. The requirements for a principals son were very high and quite demanding. I needed not only to be absolutely perfect like a Prophet; I needed to become a God. Meaning that I had no option of making a mistake, so I had to obviously trade my humanity to become a zombie robot devoid of any emotion and transform into this higher from of intelligence that would make me look like an super alien from another part of the galaxy. My enemies used to find ways to attack me and beat me down to the ground and the vultures used to feed of the rest of my flesh. I was a straight A grade student but that was not good enough and they wanted to take revenge on my father by hurting me for their amusement and vengeance just because my father was doing his job and he wouldnt play ball with them for their nefarious schemes. I made a mistake once and my father insulted me in front of the class that I was in when I was just in 8th grade and the ironic or poetic part is that it wasnt even my fault and I didnt even do it but somebody informed a false statement about me and I was victimized and vilified by my own father who didnt even bother to hear my side of the story or integrate a formal investigation into the matter for a possibility that I might be innocent. The reason was very simple; he wanted to prove to other people that he was unbiased and the most honest person in the history of the school who didnt even spare his own son and now he had the perfect opportunity. Once our bus got late due to a mechanical fault and arrived at the school few minutes after the designated time period or frame and the whole system just blew up in our face. The administration and the management were acting as though a great sin had happened. What they didnt realize was that when my father was going to arrive at the scene the punishment would be equivalent to a holocaust or genocide. He came from his office and looked at the students in fuming rage as if it was their fault. Now let me tell you that I had never been late to school or anywhere in my life due to the heavy level of discipline that I was taught to follow at the point of a rifle all my life, but this time I was faced with a situation in which the variables were not in my control so I just had to go with the flow. Point is that he knew the situation but he deliberately refused to acknowledge it and show even a little bit of compassion or consideration. He was seeing that there were quite a significant number of students that were over there who were absolutely innocent including me but his ego or pride would not let him admit his unfair or unjust personality or behavior. When he finally saw me his temper went absolutely ballistic and he had a nuclear meltdown. He looked straight at me right in the eyes and screamed "Go to the grounds" which meant that it was time for physical punishment. I was studying in a military school and my father is an officer so you can very well imagine what would happen next. They worked us to the flesh and bone all day form morning up till the evening and we got no water and obviously no education just because of a mechanical fault in our transportation vehicle. The students knowing who I was obviously blamed me for everything as if I had any say in the matter even though they knew my fathers nature and they knew what type of relationship I had with him; a non-existent relationship that had no value. My mother is probably one of the most hypocritical person I have ever met in my life. I was rejected by my mother since the day I was born mainly because of the reason that she did not feel any love or attachment towards me and that would possibly be due to the reason of the matter of the fact that she got an arranged marriage that was absolutely loveless. The weakness in her resolve further deteriorated her character to an abysmal level. She belonged to a religious conservative family background as the daughter of a farmer who was also a holy man who had quite a significant number of adherents or followers who worshipped him like God. Imagine how much pressure it would bring on a liberal person of my stature when you are in the position of being a grandson to a holy man being worshipped by a whole jurisdiction or region of people belonging to different tribes and groups. I remember the first time when I was a child and a follower kneeled into prostration in front of me and I got really confused and I asked my mother that you always told me that only God deserves to be worshipped in this way and only he should be kneeled upon, then why is he doing this to me? Does he think that I am God? My mothers answer was that they think that we are Gods ambassadors on the planet and due to being born in a specific tribe we become high born and gain royal blood which puts us in a position of huge responsibility of taking care of our kingdom. This made absolutely no sense to me as I believed and was taught by my religion that all men are created equal and no white has precedence over black and no local has precedence over a foreigner. The original version of our religion taught us that people of all religions and cultures are supposed to be respected. The Christians and Jews can be our friends and they will not go to hell just because they are not Muslims; they will go to heaven and they will be judged just like we would and their respective Prophets will act as their ambassadors on the Day of Judgment. It is written in the Quran as well; God says that if it were up to me I would have created all humankind with same faith but I deliberately created this diversity as a test so that we learn how to respect and overcome our differences and honestly join together through our similarities to live in peace and harmony with each other. Thats why in our religion interfaith and interracial marriages are encouraged to promote this level of diversity. It would absolutely be self contradictory for a religion to state that other religions or races or colors or creeds should be isolated but at the same time be allowed as well. Unfortunately there are some factions in our religion that think otherwise even though there is quite an overwhelming level of evidence or proof to suggest the contrary. But again they are a few and majority still believes that it is just fine. However the rest of the world is bent on vilifying us for a religion that is vastly misunderstood not by the foreigners only but also by the Muslims themselves. People dont understand when I tell them that when Quran has a verse saying "Kill all the outsiders who have wronged you" it was only applicable to the people 1400 years in the past when they were in the middle of a war for their survival from the Quraish tribe that was trying to kill them for their Islamic beliefs and not for all time up till the day of judgment. The verse as usual has been taken out of context and misinterpreted to defame a peaceful religion. Anyway my ultimate question to my mother was very simple; how can a man who doesnt even know about his own future and cant even predict about his own fate on the day of judgment would be able to save these people and offer them retribution or salvation? My mother could not satisfactorily answer this question because she knew that this whole phenomenon of "Holiness" was just a cultural travesty and had nothing to do with religion in the first place to begin with anyway. But due to this level of unawareness my mother was brainwashed into following a hypocritical system of retroactive conformity of a class system designed to subjugate the illiterate people and manipulating them into believing in something that was not the truth to create a culture of subservience towards the power and influence of the ruling classes which would keep them in their place and vulnerable to follow rules that would keep them functioning in the lower order so that the masters keep their agricultural lands and their production in accordance with government tyranny and corporate imperialism. Obviously my mother began to realize that as a woman her position might actually be quite secondary and at the end of the day her brothers will get majority of the benefits. That includes the inheritance of land as well which is also a cultural thing. My mother after conforming towards the hypocritical fundamentalism of her traditional family still got betrayed by her own father which then resulted in developing a high level of insecurity in her personality and behavior. Although she was educated but due to limited vacancy she didnt get a job and now was stuck in raising a family which she didnt want to. She wanted to belong in the social circle of her relatives and she tried her level best to impress them and be hospitable to their needs and follow the standards of traditional living but none of that was good enough for her super rich extended family who always put her down for absolutely no reason until she just lost her mind. In that frustration and irritation she took her fear and hate out on me in the most negative manner possible. In order to make matters worse she decided to find refuge in religion which further manipulated her inferiority complex and low self-esteem and used it as a weapon to make her think and do whatever the organization wanted her to think and do. Islamic guilt has a way of making you feel like a sinner 24 hours a day just like many other religions. They turn you into their puppets by making you go through a stage wise process of Kubler Ross and David Kessler Model of grief which is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Majority of the traditional housewives that turn towards the asylum of religion are suffering from grief, but the major difference is that they are not transformed into zombie robots that are devoid of critical thinking and human emotion or are made to follow the laws and rules of suppression or submission or obedience or oppression. That put me in her sniper sights and she found me as a perfect suitable escape goat for her lifes problems and troubles and used me as a punching bag to take out her nihilism, pessimism, cynicism, skepticism and all her negativity. She became a rageaholic maniac determined to make my life a living hell because her husband treated her like a piece of garbage and religion blamed her for it. She was a classic case textbook manual orthodox run-of-the-mill example of a spoiled rich pampered girl suffering from biochemical instability and hormonal imbalance. A relationship is based on trust, respect, loyalty, justice, empathy, altruism, compassion and kindness and when your own mother doesnt even fulfill one factor then youre fate has obviously dealt you a tough hand. I became a victim of mental and physical abuse by my mother as well. The issue that really hurt me was her weakness in acknowledging the truth or fact of the situation and her inability to be loyal and just while being trustworthy and reliable. She was being unfair and didnt even realize it. In order to make matters worse she started lying about everything in order to save her reputation. In order to save her reputation she would lie about me not only to my family members but also to my relatives negotiating her honor and dignity. This behavior made her lose her trust and respect but she was willing to surrender her ethics and morals. It is part of our righteous piety that we are not at liberty to divulge sensitive or private levels of information about our own family members to anybody including members of the extended family as well. My mother would say or do anything to her own family members in order to save her reputation which goes to show how much pride has led her astray and towards the depths of hypocrisy. She would gladly throw me to the wolves by blaming me for whatever problems or troubles happened to me in my life but also blame me for everything wrong that happened in the lives of my whole family including her if she is put in a tight spot which is absolutely irreversible and unacceptable. Let me give you an example on how much vindictive my mother could become. When I was a kid I used to have trouble breathing due to a diverging nose that had a middle bone that was so deformed that it blocked my left nostril and I wasnt able to inhale proper amounts of air to get oxygen and it used to be a problem and on top of that my nose is very small in fact I probably have the smallest nostrils in the world which obviously wasnt helping the problem as well but making it a little worse. I was having trouble sleeping and used to snore very loudly and then had an accumulation of nasal fluid that used to infect my sinuses while also causing things like sleep apnea. All of these situations resulted in my nostril tissues, nasal passages, airways, sinuses, throat, tonsils, esophagus, lungs and my whole respiratory system getting negatively infected. I was obviously diagnosed with DNS (Deviated Nasal Septum) and surgery was recommended immediately when the situation became more serious as my nose had grown to almost its full length as I was 16 years old. The treatment of surgery was only the most logical approach recommended by the doctor or specialist but my mother just refused to admit that I would actually be suffering from something genuine and she blamed me for being sensitive to my respiratory disease. I had to fight for my right of being taken seriously and treated as quickly as possible before something else happened but my whole family didnt want to listen. Ultimately I had to use my fathers rank and had to go to the naval hospital myself alone to get my surgery done so I took the bicycle and admitted myself without telling my parents. After I woke up from the surgery I informed my father that I had gotten he surgery done and I am going to be returning after a few days. Upon returning home and still bleeding from my nose I was going into my bedroom and I saw my mother in the lounge totally offended and removed from the intensity or potency of the situation. Her words were absolutely one of the most painful and hurtful words I would ever hear in my whole lifetime. She said and I quote "You would always be a pain in my neck". I would never forget these words as they are one of the most heartless, thoughtless, uncompassionate, inconsiderate, unkind and selfish words a mother could ever tell her child after he has gone through so much pain already and in which he had no fault of his own and he never inconvenienced her in the slightest and did everything himself even then she could not say one word of support. What kind of a mother is she that just doesnt give a damn? But who am I kidding right; she never gave a damn about me since the day I was born in the first place to begin with anyway. This incident was just to give you a small idea of what she could actually do if things were not going her way. My mother actually has a much worse habit of manipulating her family members into making them fight amongst themselves by portraying herself as the victim and then using the ignorance of the family member to turn against his own flesh and blood. This kind of devious activity would probably put even the devil to shame. Once she went to such an extent that she made all four members of my family including me fight amongst each other for a very trivial issue that had nothing to do with anything. My mother plays the innocent victim or the damsel in distress routine better than anybody I have ever known because that is the ultimate forte of the women in my region and it is known as deception. In order to formulate her lust and greed for power and influence and keep herself relevant inside the family she would say or do anything to keep the relationships among the family members unstable so that she can keep on reaping the benefits. My family members cant process multiple relationships so they stick to their most favorite ones and this weakness is then exploited by my mother who plays on their insecurities and turns them against each other so that she can still remain important. She will indulge herself in this devious game and turn father against son and sister against brother and thats how she will get her way with us. My sister is one of the most temperamental person I have ever met in my life. She is a stereotypical example of a person suffering from narcissistic Machiavellian histrionic antisocial psychopathic personality disorder syndrome. On top of that she is selfish which makes things even more interesting. Everything she says is a lie and she will say anything that would help her in making her more popular or in forwarding her political agenda. She is so fake that her whole life is a plagiarized version of someone elses life. Her wannabe sophisticated pseudo-intellectual arrogantly ignorant and obliviously naïve behavior signifies her hypocrisy on the highest level of insanity. Her mode of operation revolves around exploitation, manipulation, subjugation and domination. She wants people to listen to her and agree without refuting her in anyway and not give any logical argument that would go against her style of thinking or cause inconvenience to her feelings. She will say what she has to say and then she will go away without asking or listening to your opinion. When she needs or wants something from you she will shamelessly demand it from you without asking whether you have the finances or resources or skill or ability to fulfill this task because she thinks that the whole world is her bloody servant. If you do not obey her she will either analytically bully or emotionally blackmail you. If you still try to resist then she will get violent and fight you and blame you for making a scene or bringing her distress. If you do her work then she will take it and then disown you as if you never existed. She will just keep on taking and not giving anything in return; not even a simple thank you or a slight gesture of gratefulness. In her whole life she has done absolutely nothing for me and I have never asked her for anything except maybe perhaps trust or respect which unfortunately I didnt even get in the slightest. She will always portray herself as the innocent victim even when she will mentally and physically abuse me. When a younger sister disrespects and humiliates you like that; life gets really hard in the family. My parents on the other hand have never seen her dark side or pretend as if they havent but I know better that they are deliberately trying to ignore the situation because they are stuck in their own devious game of manipulative politics. I guess the system of arranged marriage usually comes in handy when you have deceptively hypocritical and selfishly materialistic women like my sister who wouldnt last 8 seconds with a reasonable man who would find her narcissistic behavior absolutely repulsive and would make his way towards the exit with lightning speed. Lucky for women like her she was born in a conservative country like mine that still follows this primitive system of union. She got very lucky and found the dream guy that she always wanted and without going through a single day of hardship in her life and everything offered to her on a golden platter, her knight in shining armor with huge sums of inheritance took her away and she got her ultimate wish or desire fulfilled. This guy had everything and didnt suffer a single day of hardship. He didnt had to walk 2 miles to his university or 4 miles to his office like me or work 16 to 18 hours a day to gain his reputation as a man of substance or earn his respect as a leader among his technicians in his field or department. He didnt have to start from the bottom and work his way towards the top, he didnt have to study day and night trying to make something of himself while the rest had fun because their fathers and uncles had their backs or they had unlimited contacts and references. He was just another filthy rich spoiled kid whose dad had everything done for him because he paid everybody off and got him a job as a boss of something that he wasnt even qualified for and didnt even fulfill the merit by a long shot. And then he got his trophy wife like my sister to show off or gloat about among his friends. My sisters qualifications for this marriage were absolutely nothing. There were girls out there who were way more qualified than her just waiting in line. But the only deciding factor was quite obvious. I guess when you are a beautiful woman life just had a way of making space for you. I am not just saying that from observation; you can actually do some research yourself and you will find out that beautiful people according to the scientific definition of beauty and synchronized with the natural theory of selection are well received by people around them. They are thought to be more truthful and honest and wiser and intelligent, even though they might be the exact opposite. People are more generous in giving them the benefit of the doubt and more accommodating in selecting them as suitable partners in marriage. My sister learned the benefits of having a fairer skin and a nice figure. Still I was happy for her and was grateful that she got what she always wanted. She was finally settled and I had fulfilled my duty as the responsible brother to the best of my ability. Just when I thought that everything had worked out for at least one of us and finally I can get back to paying attention to my life, all hell broke loose. She just ran back after a little while only to make us realize that the knight in shining armor turns out to be a total douchebag. Why? Because he didnt play ball like my brother used to. I guess she thought that her husband was also going to pamper her like a princess just like her brother. Well newsflash for you missy; life is not a bed of roses. You cant have your own cake and eat it too. Besides shes lucky that her hubby didnt vomit and commit suicide due to her unbearable revolting narcissistic selfishness. But however you may call it; whether it was irony or poetry she as a matter of fact unfortunately did try to commit suicide while she was with her knight in shining armor. Now I know that I have to be fair but I also know that her husband may not be an angel but she wasnt as well. Both had done terribly wrong things to each other and if the husband was 40% guilty then she was 60% guilty. I mean for the love of God she made her husband, a grown man cry like a bitch thats high on melodramatic sentimentality. How do I know this? My mother told me herself; it happened when the issue escalated out of proportion and had to be brought to her which forced her hand to intervene and this opened up a Pandoras box leading to many secrets that came out into the open revealing many things about her disgraceful attitude towards her husband and how she mentally and physically tortured and brutalized him and what was the status of their relationship. This was quite explicitly understood that they were going through some serious level of problems and troubles. But this didnt come as a surprise when I found out that she was exploiting and manipulating him. Although it is still quite shocking that she was able to make a grown many cry. My mother phoned him to talk about the situation and upon mentioning a few embarrassing details including the lies that she told my mother about her romantic or sexual abuse which did not happen and she had no empirical evidence for it, my brother in law suddenly broke into a fit of tearful expression of vulnerability that put my mother in an awkward position, but deep down she knew what could have happened and what would actually be going on, knowing how devious her daughter could be and what would she do in a situation like this but as it usually and almost always happens she refused to admit her unstable temperament and took her side out of irrational loyalty compromising yet again the foundational structure of her moral integrity and blamed everything on him signifying that he was the villain of the story. Nevertheless the divorce happened and even though she came out as the martyr and he took all of the blame; even though that she unfairly dumped him and took a lot of his money, she still did not make an iota of effort or take a sliver of initiative to work on her own self awareness and to make herself a better person in the future. And her parents only made things worse by spoiling her even further. I was obviously involved in all of these matters and I did whatever was required of me. I made all of the arrangements and gave her all of the emotional and psychological support that she required as a loyal and just brother should do but keeping a safe distance as well so that she doesnt blame her divorce on me because she had a habit of blaming all of her misfortunes on me. The reason that I keep a respectable distance from her is due to her aggressive and temperamental behavior. When she got married she came to our house one day and started telling me what to do with my job, career, business, trade or life of which she had absolutely no idea because she never gave a damn and she just wanted to blow of some steam and vent her frustration on me using me as a punching bag and picking a fight with me because she knew that no matter what kind of bullying or harassment she did, her parents would always take her side because they were either too stupid or lazy to learn from their mistakes or too selfish and hypocritical to admit that their daughter could be manipulating her own brother because females obviously are absolutely nothing but innocent butterflies. She had absolutely no education or qualification related to my field or department but she wanted to give me her advice after having zero experience of working in any institution, enterprise, incorporative, company, organization or any industry or factory or office or establishment. When I respectively and formally told her that she doesnt know what she is talking about and that she doesnt have the right to interfere in my private affairs especially when I being an elder brother have never interfered in yours she got horribly temperamental and terribly violent and started screaming and raging like a psychopathic maniac out of a lunatic asylum. My father heard the noise and came downstairs only to blame me for everything and started fighting with me and then my mother came and started fighting with me and then my brother came and started fighting with me as well and the whole thing became a battlefield. Only because I wanted to use my right of self determination to decide what I wanted to do with my life. I guess you dont have any freedom or right of doing anything when you have a family that has a Nazi Marxist communist theocratic mentality or when you have a family that wants to take everything away from you and give you nothing in return. I defended myself effectively and removed all of her privileges of ever being part of my life again. I still kept on talking with her but I understood and learned to keep her at a distance because she could not be trusted, especially after she had betrayed me over and over and again and again. After a little while she came and we went for shopping and after being her designated driver for the whole day and being in full servitude to her luxurious extravagance for a long time, we came back and she decided without my permission to start interfering with my life again, but this time she knew that she could not do so directly so she used the indirect approach and started to play that stereotypical game of manipulation. The reason was very simple; discourage your family member to achieve something less significant that she would not find threatening enough to be jealous with and make him realize that he is just not good enough and he will never get better so he should just admit his defeat and surrender so that she can neutralize her feelings of insecurity and feel good about her mediocre achievements. This will help her maintain her insignificant reputation by a pretentious methodology that will fuel her tendency of a defensive technique that synchronizes with her lust and greed for power and influence and makes her quench her thirst for her obsessive narcissism. In short she wanted to be the ultimate intellectual with a mirror on the wall that told her exactly what she wanted to hear. She wanted to have all the praise for herself and maintain her title as the golden girl. The idea that someone like me could be better than her in the eyes of her family and relatives was totally unacceptable to her survival. She just could not bear the pain so she had to do something about it. This whole game was started as a political intervention and a psychological manipulation. I understood immediately what she was trying to do and neutralized her dark, evil, morbid, bizarre, sick, twisted, bad and pathetic transgression. When the primary directive of transforming me into her mind slave did not work which she had been doing all of her life before as well, she decided to go for the secondary directive which was mentally preparing me for her exit strategy from her husbands domain. She as usual began to obtain the personification of the damsel in distress role and wanted me to submit to her illusive repertoire. This technique was obviously well understood by a person of my stature and I immediately deciphered her ultimate moves. After that it was only a matter of time that she was shown her true self and her devious ambitions that she began to realize that she was finally defeated in the second mission as well. I still kept my approach as neutral as possible and remained fair in listening to her problems and troubles according to their required merits. I told her the truth and fact of the matter at hand and tried to relieve her and gave her the assurance of sincerely praying for the alleviation of her predicament, but I guess even that was not good enough. I didnt even know what was going on because she was hiding her relationship problems from her whole family because she didnt want to look less than perfect. After things got out of hand and her in laws phoned my mother and told her about her neurotic bursts and her suicidal attempts to force them to obey her demands and follow her orders without question because whatever she says is always right and anybody who refutes her is an apostate because she is a demigoddess. My mother kept these incidents as a secret and never told anybody including her own family members so I had no possibility of finding out. But as soon as I decoded the situations intensity and potency and her future intentions and ambitions, she ballistically went insane. She thought as if everybody had betrayed her and I was in league with her in laws which was not true at all and was absolutely preposterous. By the time I found out the real story from her own words and joined the pieces together of her mysterious behavior for the past 2 years was I able to understand what was actually happening. She spoke continuously for 8 hours and I listened to everything and then did what was the most appropriate thing to do; save her godforsaken marriage and tell her the truth like any good Samaritan would do in this situation. The issue was very simple she tried to manipulate her husband into absolute servitude for her luxurious extravagance which he could not afford. When she was not able to exploit, manipulate, subjugate or dominate him, she tried to turn him against his family members in order to isolate and make him more vulnerable. When that technique did not work she tried to turn his family against him so that they could alienate or force him to become more subservient. When that technique also did not work she was left with no option but to throw her tantrums and behave like an insecure child. She then made a formulated approach of various strategies and plans and different methodologies and techniques of exploitation, manipulation, subjugation and domination originating from 8 directions. She played all the dirty games and made all the desperate moves but the family wizened up and they immediately understood what she was doing and neutralized her unfair behavior. They obviously were not as ignorant or weak as my family. Her trigger point was very ironic and poetic at the same time; even though that I told her that

...See more I want to formally introduce myself. I am 28 years old and I have done a B.E. 4 year degree program in Electrical Engineering and an M.E. 2 year degree program in Electrical Engineering from a prestigious institution in my country. I started my profession immediately after my post graduation and so far have 4 years of experience working in different leading enterprises, incorporatives, companies and organizations. I have worked in 8 organizations and I am faced with a unique dilemma as this has never happened before and should have at least not have happened to me. Having an I.Q. of 140 according to Mensa International, I began to utilize my intelligence according to much higher levels of philosophical, ideological, sociological and theological perspectives of existence trying to keep a stable balance of a foundational equilibrium between Optimism, Idealism, Rationalism and Existentialism. After integrating myself with genuine intellectuality and original sophistication I decided to upgrade my mental and physical abilities with personality and behavior in order to improve myself. I wanted to improve my education, qualification, sophistication and facilitation along with my skills, abilities, talents and potentials. I believe that in order to become an integral member of society that puts a positive impact on the world or the path towards goodness is achievable by understanding and learning the difference between good and evil or right or wrong and using that knowledge or information to formulate your morality by which you can build your empathy, altruism, compassion and kindness in an unbiased fashion that is not dependant on a desire or a wish for a reward or recognition or respect or retribution or even redemption. I am a multidimensional allrounder with multiple personality positive types and traits. I have got open mindedness to experience; I am very conscientious, extraverted, showing high tendency of agreeableness, with humility, balanced self esteem, balanced tendency to get perfectionism and I utilize all forms of learning styles like synthesis analysis, methodical study, fact retention and elaborative processing. I also have a fairly balanced personality in regards with sensation, intuition, thought, feeling, emotion, warmth, reasoning, liveliness, consciousness, conscientiousness, social boldness, sensitivity, and vigilance. I am a Type A personality with all four temperaments like Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic and Phlegmatic joined together in a multifarious network that projects my behavior in different permutations and combinations of random and complex variables that display my identity in a unique or different manner in specific kind of situations, but majority of the time I make an effort or take an initiative to synchronize with my surrounding environment without negotiating the foundational structure of my moral integrity. I try to practice the seven virtues of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility. I make an effort and take initiative in integrating and assimilating myself with positive emotions like affection, confidence, contentment, courage, curiosity, desire, empathy, gratitude, happiness, hope, interest, joy, love, passion, trust and wonder. I am living among people who have a narrow perspective of life. I believe you should not underestimate other people and not judge others lest you be judged yourself. I didnt get time to indulge myself in the finer things in life because I was too busy working hard in progressing and evolving into a more knowledgeable person who understands the difference between good and evil and right and wrong and uses empathy and altruism as well as compassion and kindness to make this world a better place. I wasnt allowed to watch television or film or use computer or internet in my student days and I have never had fun in my life. I have worked in 8 organizations out of which 2 were of international level. I am writing Doctoral thesis and post-doctoral research papers for Engineers, Doctors, Scientists, Technologists, Physicists, Mathematicians, Chemists and Biologists. I am the founder of my "Martial Arts Institution And Organization". I invented the first Robot Doctor on artificial intelligence that works better than a human doctor in diagnosing minor diseases and illnesses, I am the founder of my own rock band, worked in radio as a DJ and RJ, wrote an encyclopedia book on Martial Arts. I have 8 black belts in different styles of martial arts like Kung fu, Taekwondo, Aikido, Jujutsu, Karate, Ninjutsu, Savate and Muay Thai Kick Boxing, I am 7 times national champion in Gymnastics and 9 times national champion in Kung fu, 2 times national selector and 2 times national judge, I have written my first rock album and my first rap album and I am also a maker of documentaries and films so what I am trying to say is that I didnt make all of these achievements while sitting in my room as some arrogantly ignorant and obliviously naïve people think. In order to become a genuinely intellectual and originally sophisticated individual, I had to study really firm and had to work very hard to read thousands of books on a multidimensional allrounder level on a diverse variety of all academic disciplines ranging between arts, humanities, social sciences, pure sciences, natural sciences and applied sciences to understand how this world really works. I believe that in order to formulate new ideas you have to join the old ones together in a fusion hybrid to gain broader perspective. I believe that in order to invent new things you have to indulge yourself in innovation, creativity, research, development, exploration, discovery, manufacturing and design. This is how I live my life and I am very successful in it. Remember success is not measured by the amount of money that we have accumulated but by the amount of contribution that we have made to society by helping our fellow man. I have done plenty with the grace of God. Thats why I am affiliated with 8 NGOs. I know that I have worked very hard in my life studying and working 16 to 18 hours a day and after being an educated, qualified, sophisticated, facilitated individual with high level of skills, abilities, talents, potentials, wisdom and intelligence and massive stages of knowledge and information from all fields and departments of academic disciplines, I faced a lot of setbacks and things may not have appeared to work out for me at this period of time but the game is not over until its over right? But people just dont stop being idiots and dont learn how to admit their mistake and apologize for it or grow up or wake up. Unfortunately my family and my relatives do not appreciate my efforts and initiatives because they like to have a good time making fun of me and also because they want to live in their pornographic fantasy that they are the only ones who are working hard while the rest of the people are just busy violating their fathers, brothers, husbands, sons, mothers, sisters, wives and daughters. I guess haters are always going to hate no matter what you do. I like to indulge myself with innovation, creativity, research, development, exploration, discovery, manufacturing and design, but unfortunately I have limited options available over here. Let me tell you what the culture of my country is. I belong to a conservative country whose dominant religion is Islam. Now before I say anything else I dont want anybody to stereotypically label me. There are 50 Muslim countries in the world with 1.8 billion Muslim followers and all of them are not like the way I described them; I am only talking about the people in my surrounding environment regardless of their religion, race, color or creed, but mentioning this information was a necessary application. The reason that I mentioned this truth or fact was that I want to explain how religious extremism can victimize you. I belonged to a religious conservative preacher saint family who raised me up like an altar boy. I was taught the foundations of my religion. The five pillars of Islam, Faith, Prayer, Charity, Fasting and Pilgrimage. I did all of them like a devout Muslim following the Quran, Tafseer, Tushreeh, Hadith, Sunnah, Seerah, Fiqah; all the laws and principles, all the verses from the scripture , the guidelines, the Fatwas, Philosophy, Ideology, Sociology, Theology, and even exegesis of religion; I am an unofficial student of comparative religion so I have studied other faiths as well including all major religions from Islam to Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Sikhism, Buddhism, Jainism, Taoism And all other major religions as well. I integrated fully with my religion, cultures, traditions, ethics, morals, etiquettes, manners, rules, regulations, principles, values, norms, decorum and system. I was trained like a gentleman from the Victorian era Renaissance period. I followed every instruction or protocol down to the last letter. I was an exemplary Muslim and then I started getting victimized by the new wave of modernism in my society, and when I began to became less conservative and more liberal of my own free will even that was not enough because then my country started going through another level of hypocrisy and a new wave of extremist islamization started infecting my country like an epidemic or pandemic. It spread like a disease or illness that had no bounds and I was then victimized because of my liberal views. I used to have a beard and I wore a traditional dress taking care of my decency and protected myself from all kinds of vices and sins. My friends used to say that this boy is so pious and saintly that angels perform ablution from his sweat. But then things changed and I was known as a loser who is a eunuch or a hermaphrodite who doesnt know the ways of modern living. I was part of a peaceful organization dedicated to spread the message of Islam; the moderate or balanced version of it at least, it was obviously a preaching organization and I was its most forward member but then I began to notice signs of extremism and that created a problem. I was born Muslim but I did not just take Islam as my heritage dictated I embraced it of my own free will. Islam is a wonderful religion if you know the right version of it. The females in our jurisdiction are programmed in the same way. Males are portrayed as potential rapists or like dogs waiting to pounce on them. A female is led to believe that males have no natural theory of selection meaning they do not have any standards and they have zero options so they would go for any female since every female is the most beautiful gorgeous hot and sexy girl in the whole world for all time so even a 95 year old woman who has decayed into a skeleton would flatter herself like that and would actually have an army of her family and relatives protecting her more than a high profile target like the British Queen because obviously every man dreams of raping a 95 year old woman right? Even when she is going to the hospital for a routine medical health analysis.But the most ironic part of this situation is that the massive level of confusion and conformity that is plaguing our nation includes people with diversity and versatility in such a way that one female cousin of mine would stay 20 feet away from me because I am a male while the other would get upset with me if I dont kiss her in front of 20 males. Yeah, try to figure that one out. A female is taught to believe that if she speaks to any male other than her father, brother, husband or son God would strike her with lightning and she would burst into flames. I was taught that if I even looked at a female I was going to be vaporized with lightning speed. Even thinking about females was considered a sin. I liked girls from a young age and I always wanted to get married and have a family. Who doesnt, which brings us to the issue of marriage. Before I tell you my story further, let me tell you how the system of marriage works in my country. It is obviously none other than the system of arranged marriage integrated down to its roots in any patriarchal society. The definition of arranged marriage according to my ideological philosophy is a hypocritical mechanism of a prostitution industry integrated and assimilated by the shallow and superficial rankings and ratings of financial situations and reproductive organs. Initially the system wasnt so bad because it was based on morality and the priorities were straight, selections were made according to suitability, a boy or a girl or a man or a woman were selected according to personality and behavior rather than wealth or title. It was a great facility that was useful to the people who are not able to find a suitable spouse on their own. Now this system has been corrupted as well and the lust and greed for power and influence has destroyed the foundations of this great institution. If you even remotely have the luxury to think that you have got a fair opportunity of having the right to have an idea of a few standards and options in getting a suitable worthy marriage partner or even sending a proposal to a potential spouse in my country; you need to know that it has become more difficult than getting into NASA. Trust me I was looking at the requirements for the organization and I am eligible for it but you would be surprised that even a person like me with a great resume is getting trouble finding a wife. Marriage is now getting out of the range of all the people in the vicinity of the middle classes every second of everyday due to the misbalance in the salary and inflation with the demand and supply of a females ever raising expensive and luxurious tastes and her selfishness and materialism. First the only way you can get married in my country is through arranged marriage most of the time; that is where you can send or receive the best proposals; after that youre options keep on getting lesser and with the passage of time goes down to zero. Your whole life could get destroyed just because you breathed in the wrong manner. Arranged marriages are now done in my country according to fame, fortune, wealth, property, assets, possessions, materials, politics, power and influence. For example a female does not want a man she wants a god. She would want him to have a huge set of muscles and he should be as pretty as a Hollywood actor otherwise you dont stand a chance. Majority of the times the rich guys always win and take away the prettiest ones and then the rest are left for the lower classes. Yes, our society runs on class systems and status quos. Rank, position, standing, grade, category, group, type, order, level or stage they are all taken into measurement according to a design algorithm or a mathematical formula. Along with that religion, race, color, creed, faction, family, district, town, province, state, city, sector even neighborhood affects your variables in the statistical probability of your selection process. I am an eligible bachelor but I was rejected just because my sister got divorced; imagine that. Thats right; if any sibling inside your family gets divorced the rest of the members will not get a fair opportunity to send or receive proposals, it is an immediate disqualification. Yeah, try to wrap your head around that one. I know! If there is a hell on the face of this entire planet, it is this place. It is absolutely unfair and unjust, but thats how a hypocritical society works. If you want to send a good proposal to a good family, you need to have at least a 90 by 90 square feet plot on which you should build a 16 bedroom mansion, with a front lawn and a back yard, 2 vehicles like a sporty and a luxury one, 8 servants and 480000 bucks per month salary. In a poor country like mine where thousands of people are dying due to starvation and living on less than a dollar a day, that is quite a luxurious demand of a female spouse from her male provider especially at the age of 24 when he has just post graduated from university. Nobody in the whole world can fulfill this demand on his own unless he is the son of a rich tycoon which proves my earlier points. What does the girl do? Nothing. Females in my country are used only as pleasure machines and off spring producing industrial factories. The faith and belief of a girl revolves around money and penis; in fact she measures the size of your penis according to the size of your bank account. She only respects 2 types of men; one whose money their under and the other whose penis their under. You have to wear a Ralph Lauren and come out of a Ferrari to be taken seriously in the higher classes and thats where I have been all my life, now trying to fit in there is getting absolutely impossible and I cant go anywhere else because I would not be welcome or would not even fit in because of the limitation in the mindset of their traditional circle. They only bring in people of their own kind and my kind is already quite different. Majority of the females in my part of town just eat, drink, sleep, excrete, have sex, make babies and do shopping. They treat you impolitely and furiously all the time and they behave horribly and terribly if things are not going according to their will. I always take great care of my mental and physical health and fitness, but it just doesnt matter because at the end of the day people are still going to judge you on your natural weight and height on which you have no control. That is what I dont understand that why in this modern day and age we are still so shallow and superficial that we judge people on their physical appearances or on any factor that you dont even have any control over. I didnt have any control over my sisters relationship and neither did she yet I got punished for it. Now people have a problem with my anatomical mechanics. I have got an impressive sport record even then people think that I am weak because I have an athletic figure which is lesser than the ideal figure of WWE Wrestlers like Dwayne Johnson. Unfortunately I dont want to become Dwayne Johnson so my natural theory of selection becomes unacceptable. Girls in my world have been brainwashed by all kinds of international media who dictates how beauty should look like but even though genuinely intellectual and originally sophisticated individuals know that beauty is a matter of relative perspective they still fall back into the same primitive patterns of finding suitable mates according to weight and height as their ancestors did thousands of years ago. My weight and height is medium and that is supposed to be ideal according to the field of medicine but its just not good enough for females in my jurisdiction of the world. If you look at the history of beauty, the perspectives have modified themselves on different shades and angles. 10000 years ago the concept of beauty was totally different from what we have now; a male was thought to be handsome if he had sensitive features and an athletic figure and men of larger sizes were considered unattractive and repulsive. If you need some evidence you can look at the art work from even the renaissance period and you would be able to see like as in the paintings of David and Goliath. David was made to look beautiful by his sensitive features and his athletic figure where as Goliath was made to look unattractive by showing him as a huge hulk type figure with more broader and sharper jaw line features. If you look at the famous statue of The David designed by Michelangelo you would notice that he also has an athletic figure. I in fact look just like the statue but unfortunately what was considered a sign of beauty is now unacceptable in this day and age. I guess I just ended up in the wrong timeline. Point is that there is no specific formula for measuring beauty. Scientists have tried to measure it by putting a theorem on the facial anatomy and giving it a value of 1.618. 1.618 is known as Phi (and also as the Golden Ratio, Golden Mean, Golden Section and Divine Proportion) and its mathematical cousin, the Fibonacci sequence. Things get even more complicated when you start facing problems with your job, career, business and trade. Point is I make lots of money but it is just not that good enough for my type of people. Females in my group practice what is called hypergamy which is the action of marrying a person of a superior caste or class. This puts my situation in trouble obviously. On top of that my proposals usually get rejected because the statistical probability of the future prospects of my job do not achieve an acceptable value meaning that I am being targeted for something that might have a logical basis but has no moral value. How can we predict what going to happen in the next 20 years when we dont even know what is going to happen in the next 20 seconds. I thought a perfect relationship could be achieved by the mental and physical compatibility that synchronizes with each others personality and behavior at a simultaneous quantum or period of time and space. It is not a high standard but quite a simple one in which you just have to be yourself. I am not saying that money is not important but there should be a balance between your analytical and emotional paradigms and between your robotics and humanity. I know this kind of thing doesnt happen everywhere because then we would all be in trouble. I have worked and done business with foreigners and I have talked with them and asked them lots of questions in regards with dating and marriage and they tell me a few similar things from my part of town but not so messed up as my situation. From what I have been told you dont need to make an appointment with the security council to issue a written permission to pass a bill in the senate to offer an opportunity to interact with a member of an opposite sex. In order to talk to a girl you dont have to plead with the father for permission. You can approach a girl and just say "Whats Up" and that would be just fine as she would not shoot you in the head. You dont need to fulfill the 12 tasks of Hercules before getting a date with a nice girl. I always imagined and dreamed myself of one day being a groom and seeing my bride walk down the path towards me, making my parents proud and becoming an acceptable and respectable member of my society. Giving my parents grandsons and forwarding my legacy, but I guess that is not going to happen. I have been stereotypically labeled as a failed person who has inadequate masculinity and does not deserve any happiness or peace in his life. The only thing left for me now is a slow and painful death; a life of despair and loneliness. I have become a subject of humor in my relatives. They absurdly find it quite hilarious that I am still a virgin. I do not have a girl friend. I do not have the option of dating. The only way I can get near a girl is if I get married to her and that is not going to happen. There are a few other facilities but those are also not applicable and would not work because they still need the permission of your parents. My parents have technically disowned me because I wasnt able to become the God child they always wanted. I live alone in a flat betrayed and rejected by the people I trusted and loved the most. I know how to solve these problems but taking advice from a professional is also recommended. They say even a signal to a wise person is good enough. That is what I need; I need to have the proper guidance and counseling tools to point me in the right direction which does not compromise my moral integrity. Point is that I know how to solve this problem in 24 different kinds of ways but I dont want to lose my humanity in the process. I want to solve this but also remain truthful and honest about it. There are many people in the world who have gotten many things in life through unfair means and after having everything they still feel empty on the inside. They try to shield their hollowness by bridging the gap inside their personalities and behaviors by over compensating for their inferiority complex and low self esteem. I dont want to be one of them. Another thing that I find quite fascinating is the insanity of looking down on somebody because of their sexual orientation or inclination. The most interesting of the ideology whose philosophical implications are tremendous is insulting, patronizing, disrespecting and humiliating someone on the basis of their sexuality stage like the phase of virginity. I have absolutely no idea why people make fun of virgins. It has no logical or rational basis. Everybody is born a virgin. It is not up to them to decide who, what, when, where, why, which and how are they going to lose it and even if it is, shouldnt it be their prerogative. Virginity is an idea of again labeling your sexual status which is your private affair. Nobody should have the right to admonish or isolate you on that. It has become a symbol of discrimination in the whole world. The most shocking thing is that it has become a symbol of ridicule even in Islamic Muslim conservative countries like mine where fornication, adultery, promiscuity and infidelity are regarded as the most repulsive acts of human vices. Even then there are people in my neighborhood who look down upon me because I am still a virgin. That doesnt make any sense when I do not have the luxury of even having a fair chance at interacting with a member of an opposite sex since they are all covered up in 24 layers of clothing like a Burqa or Hijab and locked in the 4 walls of the house; well at least most of them. If even I was born in a western setting or a modern secular liberal free society of a developed country, it would still be a despicable act of self indulgent behavior or narcissistic pretentiousness if someone would harass or victimize somebody based on their sexual activity. It is like attacking somebody for not living on your base instinct of eating insects for proteins so that you can have the ultimate level of survival training as a benchmark for proving your masculinity and success as a person of a higher order of society. It is like being violent with someone because he or she is not using their reproductive organs according to your preferences or standards of life that you have created to measure something that does not have any basis of measurement for anything. There is no requirement in any field or department of any academic discipline or any job, career, business or trade that you are supposed to lose virginity. No religion, cultures, traditions, ethics, morals, etiquettes, manners, rules, regulations, principles, values, norms, decorum or system requires you to lose your virginity. In fact it is considered a sign of decency and nobility. There is a double standard in this as well. If you are a virgin male you are looked down upon as a failure or a loser, while if you are a female virgin you are considered quite desirable. Although this also has 4 combinations this can be a good thing or a bad thing for both males and females depending upon the place or area of the world they are living in. On the other hand if you are a promiscuous male then you are considered to be quite accomplished even if you may not have done anything else, but if you are a promiscuous female then you are considered to be a dirty slut. It doesnt make any sense; its like a Shakespearean play. To love or not to love; that is the question. Even if you do decide to have sex then who should be the person. Obviously then you have to analyze the standards and options, which then brings you back to square one. No amount of success in your life will solve this problem because people will still think that there is something wrong with you. Newton, the most influential scientist in the world died a virgin, but I dont see anybody throwing his work out of the window. Jesus was a virgin; I dont see any anthropologist, archaeologist, historian, poet, writer, philosopher, ideologist, sociologist or theologist targeting him on that quality. What if you do lose your virginity; what then, does that prove anything except that now you are not a virgin anymore and would that solve our problem; not really, because then you would need a regular or a permanent relationship which again has double standards and relative perspectives. Losing virginity does not signify how much regularity of sex you have and neither can anybody measure that according to any standard, because there is no equipment, instrument, gauge or device that can measure the level of satisfaction or fulfillment or happiness or peace of your relationship. Neither there is any ranking or rating or classification or categorization that can prove that your sexual proficiency in synchronization with your mental aptitude of your ultimate standard has given you the best sex you can ever have with someone. What you do with your partner mentally or physically is only acceptable according to your own understanding of your idea of a romantic involvement which is only acceptable to you on your own grounds. Jean Simmons claims to have made love to 4800 women in his 24 year music career; Justin Bieber has had sex with 40 women up till the age of 20, but then how do we measure the standards of those women and what was the satisfaction level of the sexual interactivity. So what I am trying to say is how much sex an average person should get in his lifetime to become socially acceptable. I know that there are some people out there who are genuinely in love and are having the best relationship but I also believe that sex is something that people usually get very less and it fades away really quickly. Why do you think that majority of the musicians are in business for such a long time. Why do you think that majority of the top 50 billboard songs always revolve around sex. Just think about it. The conclusions that people draw from somebodys virginity are also very ridiculous. If somebody is a virgin, it may be due to different reasons on which he or she may not have any control or it might not be their fault to really begin with, in the first place anyway. Just think about it, if people get to know or find out that you are a virgin it is automatically judged in the most harsh manner imaginable. It is like the worst sin ever committed in human history more brutal than Adolph Hitlers World War II that killed 48 million people. If you are a virgin you are qualified to be stereotypically labeled by the whole world on an international level according to a similar tradition of unorthodox logic, rationale, nature or instinct that you are a horrible and a terrible person who deserves to be lynched, staked, crucified, burned or vaporized due to the reason that you might be a freaky, geeky, dorky, nerdy person who might be a pervert and if he is a pervert then he might be a stalker and if he is a stalker then he might be a molester and if he is a molester then he might be a pedophile and if he is a pedophile then he might be a rapist so we should just kill him before he does anything wrong. That is how the stereotyping average regular human mind works. When you lose everything and hit rock bottom, one of the last things that go before darkness takes over you is none other than your faith. I am hanging on the last ray of hope and final string of faith. I have seen that in this loveless life of mine, everything is going to go against you. Your friends will betray you, your family will disown you, your mentors will admonish you, your teachers will humiliate you, your relatives will disrespect you, your partners will deceive you, your government would abandon you and your nation would vilify you because you did not synchronize with their hypocritical principles. On top of that your job, career, business and trade get destroyed, you start suffering from mental and physical diseases and illnesses, you lose you wealth and then your health, your fate goes rogue and your destiny becomes illusive, you become partially blind with floaters and then you start suffering from high levels of anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension and the doctors give you a death sentence that if you dont get treated you might actually die of a nervous breakdown or a tendency to commit suicide. So if a person unfortunately gets involved in this kind of situation, I think that his faith would be one of the many things that would get negatively affected. Lets put this thought into perspective; the ultimate question that every individual asks is why did this happen to me. The answer has many variables but the simplest one is that you were at the wrong place at the wrong time and your heredity and genetics were screwed from the very beginning resulting in a design that was following a destructive pattern of entropy from the foundation of its origin. But then the God variable comes in the form of divine intervention projecting the ideology of changing your fate by making your own destiny by showing your own resolve and praying to God that he will pardon your sins and reward you of your righteous deeds and take away your pain and suffering and make you whole again and then give you back your health and then your wealth and then your success and your purpose and your love for morality and humanity. But as it turns out, this pornographic fantasy does not work that way. I was actually betrayed by my Islamic clerics who deceived me with their lies that if I pray hard enough, my problems and my troubles will go away. That did not happen and things just got worse no matter how hard I tried to rectify them. So a person asks what in the name of Gods heaven is going on. If this life is an examination then why would God help us in the first place anyway and if we are going to get what is written in our fate then what is the point of praying in the first place anyway. This makes you feel disappointed as you feel like God has forsaken you. The most genuine and original form of Islamic guilt. You feel as though you either did not do enough service for him or maybe he just doesnt love you that much. My whole life has been a Muay Thai Kick Boxing Tournament with God every second of everyday for 24 hours since the day I was born up till the day I die. I should probably get this written on my tombstone. Nothing has ever been that easy for me. Even the simplest of things have proved themselves to be nightmares because you have to fight your way through 10 barricades of different types of obstacles for fulfilling one task that should take just one second but somehow ends up taking the whole bloody year because youre living in a hellish place with stupid people. I feel like Odysseus fighting twelve Gods at the same time. I just dont find that fair but as it turns out life is not fair. I believe that if we are progressing and evolving through our understanding of our purpose and existence then I believe a higher from of intelligence like God who is our creator would also be progressing and evolving like us but on a higher level. God just looks to me as a research scientist who is playing a game of chess with us as his pawns. The only difference is that we have got free will. The important question is that what my purpose is in his grand design. How do I decipher the design matrix of God so that I can transcend from my inquisitive state and move forward with my spiritualism? A person of faith like me whos only friend left was none except God and now he feels as though even He has forsaken him brings forth the ultimate purity of loneliness. Loneliness is not the absence of communication; it is the absence of intimacy. Everybody wants to have a friendship or relationship that has a foundation built on either benefits or pleasure or humanity or goodness that helps you become a better person and makes you want to strive ahead to live life to the fullest even if the odds are stacked up against you. Unfortunately according to my experience, I have noticed that you are born alone and you die alone, and nobody cares about you or is coming for you. After a little while everything just seems pointless; you lose your inspiration and motivation and everything becomes so meaningless in such a way that all of your ambitions, passions, targets and goals just dont really matter anymore. It just gets so difficult to get up in the morning and life starts feeling like a burden. Your sensations, intuitions, thoughts and feelings become warped and you integrate with anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension. Work is no longer fun and fun is more work. You dont feel like enjoying your life when you feel miserable all the time. You start thinking like a dark, negative, cynical and pessimistic brute. Everything is so blurry and everybody is so fake. You feel empty or hollow. You dont want to indulge yourself in anything because it has no meaning. You start hating everything and everybody. It is like a downward spiral. Youre afraid that something bad is always going to happen no matter what you do because you are just stuck in a fix that you cant get out of. It feels like youre trapped. It feels like youre in a quicksand and you are slowly drowning. You start thinking about death and sometimes you just wish that you were buried in your grave. Sometimes you just wish that you went to sleep and never woke up. You dont feel alive anymore and you see only the whole world burning down in front of you. Why am I feeling this way? It doesnt make any sense. Should I reprogram myself into becoming a robot again? I have got 2 options in my life. I can either become the most indestructible and unbreakable organic machine devoid of any sensitive emotion and lose my humanity or gain my humanity to lose my power and gain a world of pain and suffering only to feel alive and find a meaningful purpose of my existence. Do I submit to my pride and live in loneliness or do I surrender to love and live in pain? Who am I and what am I doing here? These questions have always bothered me. There is no easy answer. Do I live alone for the rest of my life and never have to worry about hurting or getting hurt by anybody ever again without any distractions or limitations? Or do I find somebody to have a meaningful relationship with, only to know that she wasnt the one that I was looking for and everything that she pretended to be or I thought that she had was just a mirage or an illusion, enough to make me realize that my whole bondage was a dream in fact my whole sensations, intuitions, thoughts and feelings towards her were just a projection of a fantasy that wasnt real? Then the ultimate question originates about how do I find out what is real in this world? Do I take a leap of faith or measure the hope of getting real love according to a formula revolving around a theory from all forms of natural sciences like physics, mathematics, chemistry or biology? Would I ever be able to calculate who, what, when, where, why, which and how would I be able to acquire what real love is or should, could or would be? What is love in the first place anyway? According to the oxford dictionary and the explanation in philosophy books, love is a thought of unselfish loyalty and benevolent concern for the well being of another person. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. Love is so much more than that and no matter how hard you try you cant really calculate it, because it is embedded deep into the core of our consciousness with different permutations and combinations of random and complex variables that are changing so much faster than the speed of light that even time reverses itself in the fourth dimension. I guess love and time have got an intricate relationship that goes beyond our truth and reality. Which triggers my desire to learn more about it in such a way that it becomes an obsession, until my mind wants to be a part of it because it gives me a reason to live. Am I being illogical or am I following my instincts for the first time in my life since becoming self aware? Is love really the defining factor of my humanity that is rejuvenating my morality or vice versa or my digital circuits have been integrated with an anomaly or are facing a temporary glitch? Is love really a self aware conscious thought or is it just a biochemical instability or hormonal imbalance that assimilates feelings of reproduction for the survival of the species. The more mysterious this emotion is the more it intrigues me and its fascination invokes the desire for its acquisition. Is it too much to ask from this unforgiving world? Am I not just trying to be known to someone special and be important for her so that I can fit the missing pieces of the puzzle and find a broader purpose for my existence? Is it so hard for this world to accommodate me? Would I ever be able to achieve my target and reach my destination? I guess only I can answer this question. No matter how hard I try to resist this emotion due to my bitter experiences, it still finds me and when I give in to it, it just tears me apart again. But the beauty of it is that you always want it even more. The irony is that it is so difficult to find and even if you do find it, it will ultimately fade away. But I still try very hard to put myself in a situation or position to prepare for it again so that I can take the first step towards beginning this journey, even though life itself is not giving me this opportunity and fate itself is trying its level best to stop me. Love is kind of like a journey of finding yourself; when you find yourself, you find love because they are the same thing. How do I find love in this unforgiving environment that I am living in? That is the ultimate question. My friends story was quite similar with a disastrous ending. He was a good person; did all the right things and made all the right moves. He couldnt get a job and nobody tried to help him, instead his family blamed him for everything and nothing he did was ever good enough. On top of that his other friends made fun of his virginity and told him what a loser he was because they got married and were making love to beautiful women while he was a useless and worthless piece of garbage who had absolutely no future prospects. He started working as usual in a low paying dead end job and with no labor laws and no designation of minimal wages, the organization exploited his situation and made him work down to the bone until his mental and physical health and fitness started getting irreparable damage. They paid him absolutely nothing even when his internship had finished and he was a permanent employee. Instead he was paying them to gain experience. That is how corrupt our government and private sector are. He was doing 4 jobs at one time in which he was getting less than minimal pay for 2 jobs from which he was paying the other 2 jobs related to his qualification field so that he can progress in them by gaining experience in these jobs and so that he could build a future. Even after working like a zombie robot and getting treated like an animal he stayed strong and prayed for things to get better but to no avail. After working like a slave for these monsters it was all in vain and his efforts were futile. He was barely able to afford his rent and his family had disowned him and with no facilities like social security, medical insurance, career counseling, unemployment stipend or welfare support which are considered as necessities in developed countries but are luxuries in underdeveloped fourth world countries like ours, he was headed towards an armageddon which he wont be able to survive. In our country even electricity, gas, water, phone and internet are considered as luxuries. We get sometimes 24 to 48 hours of load shedding or power blackouts in our country. Finally the alienation and isolation took his toll on him and he couldnt take it anymore. He decided one day to finish it and ended up committing suicide. All he ever wanted was to love someone and be loved in return of his and her own free will. Was that too much of a high demand? In millions of women available, not one could find an eligible bachelor like him worthy enough? Does he necessarily have to finish the 12 tasks of Hercules? Does he really need to become a God? I dont want to end up like my friend. I always wanted to have a normal life even though being a normal person is such a relative perspective. I dont even know who I am anymore and when you dont know who you are, you dont know what do you want, where do you want to go, when are you going to get there, why are you doing this, which option is the best and how are you going to solve it. I dont know whether I want to be with anybody anymore. Should I be alone and preserve my humanity or should I be rejected and lose my morality. How do I know and how do I tell? Is it moral to be alone or is it inhumane to be rejected? I know people can learn how to survive alone if they make a conscious decision or if they have no choice. I still have a choice but do I really deserve to be with someone? Do the rules of philosophy or psychology dictate that I need to be with someone to progress and evolve? And if they do then what is the logic behind it? And if it is settled then how do I be with someone? I havent been taught courtship or companionship. I do not have a doctoral thesis or theoretical experience in the field of female sexuality, dating, sociology, psychology or philosophy with which I could develop interpersonal relationships. I have never even talked to a girl in my life except in situations in which there was a work requirement in university or office and I live in a conservative country. I am 28 years old and I have never even looked, talked, walked, touched or kissed a girl in my whole life. I mean all of this in terms of having a meaningful communication or a thoughtful connection. After living a straight and formal life, I have been stereotypically labeled by my family and friends as a homosexual, a womanizer, a pedophile and a rapist but the ironic or poetic part of this situation is that I am a virgin. My mental and physical health and fitness are going down which means that if this deterioration keeps progressing on a mathematical formula then I am probably going to die a virgin. All I need is a fair chance at life; is it too much to ask? I dont even know how it feels like to be touched by a woman. Its not like I dont have money; I do, but I am not a super rich guy and it is unfair that I need to have huge loads of money so that I can buy a wife for myself. Majority of the girls in my country do not use dating websites in fact they dont even use the internet mainly because of the reason that they are either illiterate or too backward for using that technology. The few girls that do use the internet and even fewer who might use a dating website have got even higher standards of demands from their potential spouses. Meaning at the end of the day in order to put the long story in a shorter version, there isnt much left to deal with in the first place to even begin with anyway. There is a massive shortage of women and even a larger shortage of good women. I do not have a degree in psychology or sexuality and I have absolutely no idea how to talk to a woman as I have lived in a guarded and segregated environment. How would I be able to make a woman fall in love with me when I dont even know how to talk to them? They are totally different from us in many fields and departments of life. One of my biggest fears in life now is loneliness but on top of that are also people. How can I fight both fears that are polar opposites and are working against each other to facilitate my safe zone but also torturing my preservation of a healthy life. Am I supposed to just survive or do I deserve to be happy? Do people like us never find peace and keep on suffering in pain till the last breath of their lives? Should I just give up all hope and learn to live with my demons or is there a way out? Should I do the right thing and feel miserable or should I do the wrong thing and think that I am satisfied? Should I do the wrong thing and think that I am doing it for good or should I do the right thing and feel that I am doing it for evil? Should I rather be hated for telling the truth or be loved for telling falsehood? Should I rather prefer to live in a reality that is a nightmare or an illusion that is a dream?

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

I can't speak highly enough of Kajsa. She's intuitive, practical, and ha...

Reviewed Apr 15, 2024

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Don't miss a message!

The 7 Cups app is available on iOS and Android