An Android Trying To Regain His Humanity

My analytics and emotions were untainted and I offered to help her by taking her side, trying to offer orthodox and alternative solutions, looking over all the possibilities and giving her the right to make an informed decision that does not compromise the foundational structure of her moral integrity, trying to give her my empathy, altruism, compassion and kindness, giving her emotional and psychological support, reassuring her that everything is going to be just fine, telling her that she should be patient, offering her my services in both options of either saving or dissolving the marriage and last but not the least giving her my blessing and making a pledge of allegiance with her in trust, respect, loyalty and justice and my genuine desire to submit to the will of God in prayer for her so that her fate could be modified and her suffering could be alleviated but even that was not acceptable to her and she lashed out as a monster that was seduced by the darkest side of the devil and the darkest bottom flame pits of eternal damnation. She became the vessel of fear and hate and transformed into a zombie robot whose ultimate purpose was to just hurt me by putting all of the blame on me even though I had nothing to do with it and it wasnt my fault even in the slightest. She brought this on herself by her own doing. She screamed at me and hurled her insulting, patronizing, disrespecting and humiliating statements and blamed me for listening to her for 8 hours. But do you know what is the ultimate punch line or response to this incident by the rest of my family? Quite predictable, they blamed me for everything as usual and believed all of the lies that she was telling them about me. They believed all of the lies she told about her husband as well, even though that she was mentally misbalanced and emotionally unstable and her biochemical instability and hormonal imbalances were going all over the place even then my parents refused to reconsider the situation and even try to think about an alternative side to the story even though that the evidence was quite irrefutable and there were significant level of witnesses on both sides of the families. She tried to slit her wrists for Gods sake but even that was not sufficient for my parents to admit their mistake and apologize for their misinterpretations and aggressively or vigorously advise or suggest her to admit her mistake and apologize for her transgressions as well. She desperately needed psychological help but nobody was willing to admit it. Ultimately I had to finish my relationship with her permanently because there was no hope left and she wasnt willing to become self aware and make a conscientious decision to change herself and progress and evolve into a better person.

My brother is one of the stereotypical examples of a person who is suffering from Alexithymia, which is the inability to express emotions. He has a massive dysfunction in the department of emotional awareness and interpersonal relationships. Seriously I can design an android with artificial intelligence that would have a better personality than my brother. He is probably the most selfish person I have ever known in my life whose only concern is his own well being and self preservation that would allow him to ruthlessly sacrifice anybody or anything for his target ambition. He doesnt believe in something thats why he falls for anything as well and that makes him weak and vulnerable and untrustworthy and unreliable and therefore a burden and a liability. His faith and belief revolve around financial situations and reproductive organs. He is that sort of a person that would take the last drop of blood out of his own mothers grave if it would give him even 1 second of profit. He judges other people very harshly and measures success by money and women. I was always taught in my life that according to the philosophical ideology of humanity and morality success is not measured by how much money you are getting in your life but by how much contribution you are making to society in improving their progression and evolution to make the people and this world better. If intelligence and success are measured by the amount of money you earn then Justin Bieber whose net worth is 220 million dollars and Rihanna Fenty whose net worth is 240 million dollars would be evaluated as super geniuses without a professional degree and more successful than a scientist that gets 2000 to 4000 euros a month or a neurosurgeon that gets 240000 dollars to 480000 dollars a year if he or she is a good professional. So are we going to rely on this shallow and superficial ranking and rating of success? I dont think so. My brother is one of those wanna be sophisticated pseudo intellectuals that pretend to follow the conformist principles of the upper classes by putting everybody in a specific category or a classification of a condescending submission of limited perspectives and fuzzy logic that revolves around the over simplified idea of "if aunty had a moustache she would be an uncle". Or simply you can place it as 2+2=4, the stereotypical mentality of conformist capitalism. The intolerant and inflexible thinking of the super rich people who think that God gave them more money because he loves them more than anybody else or that people of the working classes are poor because their stupid and stupid because their poor. He is one of those people that respect women not because they are his equals but because he thinks that they are one of those weak and defenseless species that needs his superior protection. He treats them like one of those stereotypical high school jock strap male tough guy imagery projectors. He is absolutely and definitely one of those people who are unempathetic, non altruistic, uncompassionate and unkind to their surrounding environment mainly because of the reason that he has the liberty of exploiting, manipulating, subjugating and dominating people into making them think and do whatever he wants them to think and do. When you are not going to be held responsible for your actions and are going to be protected by a deceptively hypocritical and selfishly materialistic society that takes advantage of other peoples misfortunes and takes pleasure in their misery, you are obviously going to transform into a zombie robot that works for his own survival technique or defensive mechanism.

I think the major problem with my brother is basically none other than immaturity. If you have no control over your temperament and on top of that youre immature then you have a tendency of increasing the statistical probability of your retaliation. It is known as having a reptilian mind or a lizard brain that functions on a flight or fight mechanism. The most appropriate example is of an incident which demonstrates how merciless his demeanor really is. We used to have an understanding that we were always going to discuss our issues in a formal manner and have a civilized conversation about our problems and troubles. No matter what happened our behavior will not become biased with each other and if we have a problem then we would discuss it like gentlemen. This was the only rule and we both followed it, but then my brother grew up and decided to assert his independence over me as if he suddenly became a super hero trying to defeat his arch nemesis elder brother. His behavior also became rogue as he developed this new identity of showing irrelevant masculinity or unnecessary toughness. In obtaining this kind of attitude he started to argue for absolutely no reason on things that were of no consequence to him or had no bearing on anybody or anything even remotely related to him. Why and how did this sudden transmutation occur? Very simple; the reality of life hit him square in the face and he wasnt able to handle it. After graduation from university he thought that he was on top of the world and he would be able to do anything as if he would suddenly become a terraforming machine that produces unlimited resources or an industrial factory that manufactures unstoppable amounts of money. But then again as it always happens as usual, the bitter truth showed him what professional life in this jurisdiction or region of the world looks like; when there are just too many people and too fewer jobs, the statistical probability of you not being able to make it is very high and that is precisely what happened. After persistently being rejected from all major institutions and organizations, my brother ended up working in what most people usually state as an ordinary regular low paying dead end job with no future prospects destroying his dreams of ever becoming somebody special in his life. After all hope was lost he got a final ray of hope and the ultimate string of light from a major organization in another city which was his final shot in this unforgiving world and he took it so that there are no guilts or regrets and he would know that he tried his level best and even if it didnt work out he should not be blamed, but as it turns out my society would blame you for everything including problems of their own that have got nothing to do with you because they love to play the blame game. He went to another city for an opportunity of a life time and unfortunately wasnt able to meet their performance requirements and top of that life over there turned out to be harder than the luxurious routine of his privileged domain. Apart from that he also experienced the harsh and tough environment of a metropolitan city by getting robbed not once but twice at the same location doing the same mistake which I specifically advised him not to. Obviously he faced the repercussions in full swing and had to pay the price. The damage was financially quite substantial as the thief took away all of his gadgets and his wallet which had everything in it at the point of a simple 9mm pistol. I guess after his humiliating defeat and his brush with violence, his personality became further deteriorated and he became very dark, negative, cynical and pessimistic. Naturally he had to come back home to his family and face the music but although he tried to mask it, I knew that something inside of him had already broken apart way before he decided to take the flight back home. Now he was the sudden assimilation of the wounded beast that would bite anybody who gets in his way including his family members who sympathized with him in unison. Unfortunately he had to as usual use his own brother as an escape goat and victimize him for his failures even though that I supported him the most. I assured him of my full support and tried to help him in this difficult time but to no avail and he threw everything out of the window. Years of building a solid friendship and relationship and mental and professional investment all gone down the drain. It was as though I never even existed. We used to have quite a normal relationship. We used to do normal kind of stuff like hang or walk about and talk or do something together to take a load off or just relax and indulge in regular dialogue. But then I began to notice that he started to get distant and deliberately pretended that he doesnt have time for me anymore. I understood and gave him his space for as long as he wanted but then he suddenly started to get even more alienated and isolated from not only me but the whole family. I tried to confront him on the issue after waiting for a lifetime that he would one day come back but it was all in vain. He had become a lot worse than before and his dark side was beginning to show its ultimate fury. One day I went to him in order to share a few things that I had in mind and it was absolutely shocking to find out that he couldnt be more desynchronized with the situation at hand. He had total disregard and absolute inconsideration for my problems or troubles for which I needed some emotional or psychological support. I told him about all of my mental and physical diseases and illnesses and it didnt even affect his behavior in the slightest. He obviously blamed me for everything because that is just the easiest way out of any situation as opposed to showing a little altruism or empathy. I was absolutely hurt by his definite lack of compassion or kindness and only hoped that he would get better but it was not meant to be. By the time I realized how deep he had fallen it was already too late; he was long gone. His behavior was becoming hostile and violent with the passage of time increasing at an exponential rate every second of everyday. I visited him in my final interactions about an issue that the whole family was facing which had nothing to do with him and I wanted to keep it that way knowing that even the slightest mention of his ruthless demeanor would trigger his defensive mechanism and the walls would be brought up back again. I tried very hard to forgive and forget his major transgressions and derogatory personality but ultimately he brought this upon himself and I was left with no option but to distance myself with him as well just like the rest of my family members. I guess they just couldnt fight their genetical programming. I mentioned the issue only to realize that not only he couldnt be more disinterested but also that he would try any innocent gesture as an offense to his sovereignty and lash out with full force. On top of that he would blame me for everything and absolve himself from all forms of duties and responsibilities. My situation was very simple, I was taking care of the whole house and my siblings were not doing anything or sharing any responsibility because they were being pampered and spoiled by my ignorant parents. It was negatively affecting my life and I had to put my foot down on getting my fair share of needed rights. As it turns out in life that when you start flexing your muscles in a logical argument, you lose the argument immediately. Besides I beat him fair and square in every logical and rational ideology he presented with the highest level of formality but I guess it didnt work out and it turned into a fight and then he in a fit of rage gave the ultimate release by telling me that he doesnt want me to talk to him and he is breaking of the relationship forever. I was always taught that relationships are not like glass which can be broken easily but unfortunately if you are in my family you can do that in 1 second. I think there wasnt any relationship to begin with in the first place anyway. It gives you a whole new perspective of life when the realization dawns upon you that what you thought was a relationship turned out to be nothing but a mirage or a delusion of something that never existed and it was built and meant to fall because its foundation was based on a weak linkage of wooden beams that were degenerated by the plague of hypocrisy.

I like to indulge myself with innovation, creativity, research, development, exploration, discovery, manufacturing and design, but unfortunately I have limited options available over here. Let me tell you what the culture of my country is. I belong to a conservative country whose dominant religion is Islam. Now before I say anything else I dont want anybody to stereotypically label me. There are 50 Muslim countries in the world with 1.8 billion Muslim followers and all of them are not like the way I described them; I am only talking about the people in my surrounding environment regardless of their religion, race, color or creed, but mentioning this information was a necessary application. The reason that I mentioned this truth or fact was that I want to explain how religious extremism can victimize you.

I belonged to a religious conservative preacher saint family who raised me up like an altar boy. I was taught the foundations of my religion. The five pillars of Islam, Faith, Prayer, Charity, Fasting and Pilgrimage. I did all of them like a devout Muslim following the Quran, Tafseer, Tushreeh, Hadith, Sunnah, Seerah, Fiqah; all the laws and principles, all the verses from the scripture , the guidelines, the Fatwas, Philosophy, Ideology, Sociology, Theology, and even exegesis of religion; I am an unofficial student of comparative religion so I have studied other faiths as well including all major religions from Islam to Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Sikhism, Buddhism, Jainism, Taoism And all other major religions as well. I integrated fully with my religion, cultures, traditions, ethics, morals, etiquettes, manners, rules, regulations, principles, values, norms, decorum and system. I was trained like a gentleman from the Victorian era Renaissance period. I followed every instruction or protocol down to the last letter. I was an exemplary Muslim and then I started getting victimized by the new wave of modernism in my society, and when I began to became less conservative and more liberal of my own free will even that was not enough because then my country started going through another level of hypocrisy and a new wave of extremist islamization started infecting my country like an epidemic or pandemic. It spread like a disease or illness that had no bounds and I was then victimized because of my liberal views.

I used to have a beard and I wore a traditional dress taking care of my decency and protected myself from all kinds of vices and sins. My friends used to say that this boy is so pious and saintly that angels perform ablution from his sweat. But then things changed and I was known as a loser who is a eunuch or a hermaphrodite who doesnt know the ways of modern living. I was part of a peaceful organization dedicated to spread the message of Islam; the moderate or balanced version of it at least, it was obviously a preaching organization and I was its most forward member but then I began to notice signs of extremism and that created a problem. I was born Muslim but I did not just take Islam as my heritage dictated I embraced it of my own free will. Islam is a wonderful religion if you know the right version of it.

The females in our jurisdiction are programmed in the same way. Males are portrayed as potential rapists or like dogs waiting to pounce on them. A female is led to believe that males have no natural theory of selection meaning they do not have any standards and they have zero options so they would go for any female since every female is the most beautiful gorgeous hot and sexy girl in the whole world for all time so even a 95 year old woman who has decayed into a skeleton would flatter herself like that and would actually have an army of her family and relatives protecting her more than a high profile target like the British Queen because obviously every man dreams of raping a 95 year old woman right? Even when she is going to the hospital for a routine medical health analysis.But the most ironic part of this situation is that the massive level of confusion and conformity that is plaguing our nation includes people with diversity and versatility in such a way that one female cousin of mine would stay 20 feet away from me because I am a male while the other would get upset with me if I dont kiss her in front of 20 males. Yeah, try to figure that one out. A female is taught to believe that if she speaks to any male other than her father, brother, husband or son God would strike her with lightning and she would burst into flames. I was taught that if I even looked at a female I was going to be vaporized with lightning speed. Even thinking about females was considered a sin.

On top of that they are a self indulgent useless and worthless pieces of trash that think that they are the only people who are working hard in their life and the rest are just waiting to rape them because they are so beautiful. One of my cousins got her psychology degree in order to impress her father in law because he is a psychologist himself and he drools 24 hours day on his other sons wife because she has a government job and that lights a fire of jealousy. The reason that her nemesis will always be sexier than my cousin is because she is doing what she wants to do while my cousin is doing what other people want her to do. Thats why she will never be happy or at peace. She made a desperate attempt to gain attention and somehow wanted to steal a piece of limelight so that she can show off her fat ass which nobody gives a damn about in the first place anyway. This has all now turned into a reproductive organ measuring contest. That is why I have named her as a dick because she likes to flex her muscles in order to plead her sinful desire of shameless appreciation or thoughtless approval from her stupid relatives who have a habit of worshipping wannabe sophisticated pseudo-intellectual people like her because she is the "Wronged Female". Yeah sure the "Wronged Female" who has gotten everything in life offered to her on a golden platter. She was born with a golden spoon and she didnt have to work a single day in her life; got married to a husband had 2 kids but still has a problem or trouble with me because she cant mind her own business.

The reason is very simple; they have got very big mouths and they just dont know when to shut the hell up. My cousin is obsessed with her virgin brother in laws exercising routines. Seriously, I am not kidding. She technically does not have any problem but she has decided to make up her own, forcibly. She actually was complaining to my mother and I overheard that she has a problem with her brother in law exercising because obviously those sweaty little virgin muscles definitely be giving her wet dreams and that is absolutely the brothers fault for being so young and fresh. Who likes to look at her nagging husbands ugly face all day right? Precisely, especially if he treated you like a pleasure machine or an offspring producing industrial factory when you got married and now he treats you like a babysitter or a housekeeper, but do you really blame them when your own faith and belief revolves around money and penis. For 20 years she did not give a damn about her brothers well being, but then she got bored and suddenly decided to become his savior; now how bloody convenient is that? So there you go; everybody has skeletons in their closet and demons in their basement. These women probably decide to huff and puff but after repeatedly getting their ass handed to them over and over and again and again in brutal pain and disastrous agony, they have learned the hard way that resistance is futile if you do not have a strategy. But in order to develop a strategy you need to have the strength to grow a pair of balls which they obviously lack. Even if you do grow a pair, the story is far from over because a revolution does not happen without sacrifice and freedom is not achieved without responsibility and that is just the tip of the iceberg because you still have a long journey ahead of you. And when the odds of survival are stacked up against you and there is too much at stake, you buckle under the pressure and retreat to the gutter hole that you originated from. That is why they are taking those training methodologies of obedience and subservience like a zombie robot to their spouses by some religious deceptive hypocritical organization so that they can justify their lack of bravery and their fight for their right of self determination, because they just cant deal with the reality that their husbands do not love them and never will because their pride wont let them. Pride is the devils favorite sin due to the reason of the matter of the fact that it is a biological and psychological weapon of mass destruction for the ultimate emotion that preserves our humanity and morality and that is none other than love. Pride and love dont go together. Women could have just walked away a long time ago but I guess they are also the victim of their own pride; isnt it? They probably look back towards their life sometimes and wonder what could have been. It probably happens at night right? Just after they lie down and just before they go to sleep? No wonder when a woman like my sister decided to kick her husbands ass, did a person like them suddenly began to understand the possibility of freedom and self-actualization. These feelings brought emotions of fear and insecurity but also the promise of love and hope which overloaded their dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin and oxytocin levels inside the frontal cortex of their brain. The difference between reality and illusion is what you make of it and what you do with it. You are not what has happened to you but rather what you choose to become. Realizing that their whole life can turn out to be a lie their flight or fight mechanism activated itself and their only mode of survival was what is quite predictable for people like them and that is none other than denial. So in order to satiate the desire of being the only righteous person in the world who is better than everybody else they used their warped philosophical, ideological, sociological or theological perspective and decided to attack my sister. I am not saying that she was an angel and her former husband was the devil nor vice versa, but just because she was able to do something which they wanted to do as well but couldnt doesnt mean that she is wrong. They dont know her or her situation which means that they do not have the right of formulating their own opinion and judging her based on their own lifes experiences again.

Just think about it; there are a lot of girls out there 10 times more beautiful and more qualified than they would ever be, who do not even have one by tenth of what they have gotten in their life and yet they are so ungrateful. I mean, they have been given the blessing and privilege of marriage and being a house wife their achievements so far are making love to their husbands and producing off spring. They have all the safety and security they need and want. With all the fame, fortune, wealth, property, assets, possessions, materials, politics, power and influence and with a beautiful and dashing husband and 2 to 4 healthy and wonderful off spring and yet they want a piece of my ass, why? Because he has got much sexier and longer hair than them. I have always respected them and I always wanted an elder sisters touch in my life because they can help you in ways that elder brothers cant and thats why I always looked forward towards their company with reverence and then my trust was shattered when they betrayed me. They say the difference between martyrdom and terrorism is only limited by your press coverage and your publicity agent, meaning that good, evil, right, wrong, black, white, light, dark are all matters of relative perspective. I can see right through them and their Hijabs dont fool me. There will be a special place reserved in hell just for people like them. They would definitely be integrated and assimilated into the darkest bottom flame pits of eternal damnation where their flesh and soul will be ripped apart over and over and again and again in brutal pain and disastrous agony and all those prayers will be folded and thrown right in their face because they had no value. God did not ask them to blindly beat their forehead on the ground five times a day and then hurt their own brother who did not do anything to them. Prayers may be forgiven but altruism which is way more important will not be forgiven because they are based on the rights of their fellow beings.

Funny thing about this whole scenario is that if you dont take interest in females you are known as a homosexual and if you do take interest in females you are known as a womanizer, but the dichotomous paradox in this situation is that although there is not much anything wrong with both stereotypical labels both markings will defame you, even though that there is nothing wrong with being a homosexual or a womanizer according to international sociology or in the global network, but the issue is over here it can ruin your life; a few years before it could actually get you killed, not by the government as there are no laws against it and the ones that were, got absorbed by the justice systems penal code; so far there is a DADT (Dont Ask Dont Tell) policy, but people like me are working on getting everybody their rights; from human rights to womens rights to childrens rights to LGBT rights to animal rights; all of them together simultaneously; its going to take time but we have planted the seed and have laid down the foundation; so far there arent much rights available.

I guess its just the limited influence of the western media with less understanding and comprehension and the racism, bigotry, sexism, ageism, homophobia and xenophobia from a degenerated society mixed with guilt and regret of religious culture and societal traditions that has resulted in a transmutation in the thought processes of the whole nation. After finishing my studies I decided to make a facebook account which is also frowned upon by some and start socializing with people on a digital stage. First I added my family and my relatives like most people do which was a mistake as I found out later. I joined many pages and groups and started to make an influence resulting in me getting a lot of friend requests of males as well as females from all around the world. I added a few people to my account that I knew well and could trust them and my network started to grow bigger. Unfortunately somebody had to ruin the fun and my cousin called from another city to tell me that I should be ashamed of myself that I have brought dishonor to my family. Surprising thing was that he wasnt even religious and he could have many bad intentions but still his reaction was something that is one of the most unpredictable behaviors that I have ever seen in the 200000 year evolution of the human species.

I inquired what his issue was and to my surprise his reaction was that of a backward, primitive, savage, barbarian terrorist that had strapped a bomb to his body and was ready to fly a plane into a building. He asked me why I was adding only females to my account; I said this was not true as I had added males as well; then he asked me why I was talking to females; I did not understand what he meant by that as according to the modern version of my religion there is no forbiddance in talking with females, but obviously he had a different idea but the interesting point is that he was also talking to females; the only difference was they were all local women; so I inquired further that what is the problem and he said you are talking to white females which was even more shocking so I pressed him further as to why he has a problem with white females and his reply was very simple that they are not of good character; so I asked him why again and he said; its because they have sex outside the relationship of marriage which shocked me beyond comprehension because not only did he thought that I was trying to get inside their pants, who thought that all white people are not worthy of interaction as they are all evil people that are bound for the flames of hell because they are either Christian or white; I mean it was absolutely horrible and terrible to have someone like my literate cousin with an educated, qualified, sophisticated, facilitated rich background with a professional degree like as in a master of business administration, to say something like that.

What he was trying to say was something that was one of the most racist statements I have ever heard in my life and that was; dont talk to white females because their white. The thing that was the final straw was when he said and I quote "When you are going to have lots of money we are going to praise your bitches" so what he thought was that I was adding females because I wanted to acquire praise and get attention on facebook when I already have a lot of female friends in real life because obviously having a digital orgy with white females on facebook is the ultimate dream of every homosexual brother on the face of this entire planet. Being labeled as a freaky, geeky, dorky, nerdy person by my people all my life this was a new edition to my insulting, patronizing, disrespecting, humiliating arsenal in the pseudo righteousness hall of defamation.

That is just the tip of the iceberg; I have got a female cousin of mine who hadnt met me for 20 years who suddenly started to interfere in my personal affairs for absolutely no reason and with an unhealthy obsession. This was one particular women way older than me happily married with two children who phoned my mother (who by the way became a preacher much later in her life) and told her that you teach goodness to other people and your son is such a gangster; why? Because he keeps long hair and has a rock band. I decided to keep long hair after I did my post graduation and even that became an apocalyptic issue in my whole family network. There is no restriction on keeping long hair in Islam in fact the Prophet himself kept long hair. The fashionable trend of keeping short executive style gentlemanly hair came from the Europeans projecting an image of sophistication and formality. She also had a problem with me having a rock band because of the music on which there is no restriction in Islam; it is not only allowed it was actually encouraged by the Prophet.

There is not a single verse in the Quran that forbids music. There are hadith that support music and then there are others which dont but are not authentic due to the lack of the sequential chain link transmitters, but let me tell you this; Islam does not forbid anything that is not proven by science to be against our mental or physical health. Music is beneficial for the mind as well as the body and upgrades our mental and physical health and fitness with empirical evidence and concrete proof written down in the syllabus books of neuroscience and neurology 40 years ago and now accepted and supported by all modern scholars, futwas have been issued for its permission grants. Yousuf Islam (Cat Stevens) also went back to music after this. There are still a bunch of ignorant fools who still try to forcibly take out health issues for music by quoting unauthentic links and taking out 14 false diseases and illnesses in discredited forums of Islamic teachings. Only an illiterate who has no idea about scientific research would believe in that nonsense but I guess anythings possible as we are living in a society where women are against DNA testing for rape victims because they think that 4 witnesses are more reliable than scientific evidence whose probability of manipulation is much lesser than that of 4 witnesses, but they just dont want to believe because they are still living 1400 years in the past; I guess they still take a horse to go for pilgrimage. So there you go; if they still dont believe, then they are the losers while the rest of the world will keep on moving forward and they would be left behind and forgotten as if they never existed. I believe Hijab is an oppressive tool for men to use against women to make them more obedient and subservient to their will by deliberately stripping them off their freedom of self determination and sacrificing their true identity so that they can exploit and manipulate them to say or do whatever they tyrannically dictate them to say or do. Its true that Hijab is mentioned in the Quran but if you focus on the reference to context and the time of the revelation you will understand the philosophy and exegesis of its meaning and interpretation. As I have formally studied religion then let me educate you about the whole scenario. Hijab was offered as an optional garment to the muslim females as a means of protection from being harassed or victimized by the males around them because there were no jails, prisons, corrective facilities, rehabilitation clinics or sexual harassment lawsuit trials. Now we have them so women are more safe and secure and they can exercise their freedom more progressively. Nobody has the right to force a woman to wear a hijab or tell a woman who doesnt that she is going into hell for not being able to show modesty. But having said this; if a woman still wants to wear a hijab or dress up like a potato sack because she has some Islamic guilt or regret or she wants to hide her inferiority complex and low self esteem by projecting her modesty as a sign of hypocritical righteousness so that she can look down upon other women who dont and call them dirty sluts because she thinks that she is better than them; than it is her prerogative. If she wants to hide herself because she is ashamed of the body that God has given her then fine. If she wants to hide her breasts and her buttocks because if males saw it then God will strike her with lightning and she will burst into flames or the men would transform into hungry beasts and rape and kill her because they are all a bunch of devil spawns that have no sexual maturity and obviously they cant handle her most beautiful and gorgeous "Breasts" and "Buttocks" in human history, then I guess it would be okay. If she wants to hide her broken hair and large posterior because she is no longer the young and beautiful queen or princess of the neighborhood {"After eating 200 mice the cat went for pilgrimage"}; then obviously it is her free will and she should be allowed to do whatever she wants because that is what freedom is all about and she should not be judged or vilified on it right? And that should also go for those women who wear bikinis or lingerie as well, right? Precisely, but just remember this, the world will keep on moving forward and they would ultimately realize the broader perspective. If those "religious" women should get the opportunity, then I would definitely recommend that they take a little bit of their time and observe the women astronauts who go out in space. I myself have an interest in building space ships and flying space shuttles. I have studied the flight dynamics and done the space shuttle simulation sequence softwares on which NASA space pilots also get trained. I personally also observe their latest activities from different sources available all over the media. You can view their mission videos through live streaming on Youtube. Just go over there and see those women floating and working around in their jumpsuits with their {Zero Related} male fellows not worried about anybody looking at their "Breasts" and "Buttocks" while they are progressing and evolving into a better species at an exponential rate. They are understanding and learning the knowledge and information of different fields and departments of a variety of all kinds and types of academic disciplines, while they are having lots of fun and the time of their lives not bitching or whining about somebody looking at their anterior and posterior regions of their bodies or their brother keeping long hair or having a rock band.

I guess I dont deserve to be happy or at peace because I was born different. I guess I can figure out how the x-men must feel like. Every day I have to go through the pain of being attacked and violated and made to feel guilty and regretful for my existence. Its not like I dont want to be happy or at peace; I do but this society is not going to let me have it. I am being rejected by my family, friends, faculty, fellows and even acquaintances because I think differently and because I do not have the necessary levels of fame or money or power or influence.

If I would give a psychological evaluation of my relatives, it would be something like this. They were also born in a religious conservative family background. From a young age they were exploited by their fathers patronization, manipulated by their mothers ridicule over shadowed by their brothers personality and dominated by their sister, so they learned through hit and trial methodology that the only way of getting power or influence or respect or admiration or anything in life is not to work hard but to stab other people in the back and pull their legs down so that you can get their dick up. They have absolutely no intelligence, wisdom, sophistication, facilitation or any skill, ability, talent or potential so they did what any below average kind of dark, evil, morbid, bizarre, sick, twisted, bad and pathetic kind of useless and worthless piece of garbage would do. They started to use the weapon of sarcasm to gain attention at first but then they discovered that they can use it to exploit and manipulate people into making them think and do, whatever they wanted them to think and do like a tyrannical dictator. It became a double edged sword in ways that trans-mutated their personality towards the dark side and transformed their reality into a pornographic fantasy of which they became the architect of. The architect of their own destruction. Not realizing that the dream world they have constructed will be their greatest undoing because it would compromise the foundational structure of their moral integrity. But they didnt pay any heed because they had already fallen by selling their soul to the devil himself.

They just use sarcasm as a way of bridging the gaps inside their personality and behavior by over compensating for their inferiority complex and low self esteem. They are suffering from a psychological disease that is termed as a Narcissistic Machiavellian Histrionic Anti Social Psychopathic Personality Disorder Syndrome; go figure. They are so arrogantly ignorant and obliviously naïve that they are too busy smelling the farts out of their own anuses because theyve got their heads shoved up so far up their rectum. Remember if we talk about friendship and relationship with others; we need to understand that a relationship or friendship is based on trust, respect, loyalty, justice, empathy, altruism, compassion, kindness, faithfulness, reliability, durability, communication, connection, happiness and peace and they unfortunately dont fulfill even one factor. If they insult, patronize, disrespect and humiliate their own relative at every point in his life then underestimate his skill, ability, talent and potential as an educated, qualified, sophisticated, facilitated intellectual, then make a monkey show out of him while he is a guest at their house including not only their family members but also their relatives, and every other tom, dick, harry and george, then make a bloody forum about him behind his back and then stab him like a bloody hypocrite with a white lie using his own mother against him then obviously a person like me would not take them as a friend or a person who has a meaningful relationship. Remember, relationships are not developed from blood but they originate from the heart. Their heart is obviously dead because they have transformed into zombie robots. Seriously I can design a robot with artificial intelligence that would have a better personality than them. Unless and until they become self aware and make a conscientious decision of changing themselves in order to regain their humanity, they would keep on living as idiot, backward, primitive, savage barbarians.

It is quite amazing to see that they are trying to advise me about my life without having any jurisdiction in this matter. When you advise someone you need to 1. Know the truths and facts about his situation 2. Learn the who, what, when where, why, which and how to handle his situation 3. Rather than enforcing your view points on him, you should ask him about his priorities and prerogatives 4. Have the necessary education, qualification, sophistication and facilitation to have a reputation of reliability that would make your statements hold value 5. Instead of telling him who he is and what he wants, ask him who he is and what he wants 6. Understand his philosophical perspective from his psychological protocol, not yours 7. Provide him with better alternatives in defense against his transgressions 8. Most important of all, listen with the purest of intentions of empathy and altruism meaning try to understand what he is saying underneath the lines and try to help him with qualitative and quantitative effectiveness and efficiency.
One of my cousins gets a proposal through and now he is king of the world. Although he didnt have the decency to come and share in person, my mother informs me and I do the sensible thing and congratulate him on the phone. Then the unexpected happens, the girl suddenly refuses and I dont even know about it, I just make a random routine phone call and my cousin is pissed. He for absolutely no reason decides to be a difficult and starts insulting me for absolutely no reason. Then I am trying to empathize and be altruistic, show a little compassion and display my kindness to make him realize that I am on his side. I even praised his face and said that he is a handsome guy and any girl would be lucky to have him, so he shouldnt lose heart and that he would eventually get a suitable mate as he already had a secure future with a father who was super rich. But he turned even that thing around on me by harassing and victimizing my innocent little remark which was only said to make him feel better. He used that statement and started calling me a homosexual in a homophobic manner. It is not a bloody coincidence, that 6 months later my previous cousin calls me his gay brother on facebook.

The issue with two of my cousins was not melodramatically sentimental but my sensitivity got triggered due to the reason that its philosophical implications were absolutely tremendous. Relatives like to gossip and so the news of my thinking and showing interest in women spread like wild fire and obviously the blob fish turkey vultures started flying over my head. The cousin that started the ruckus also told one of my other hypocritical cousins but the issue was not what my cousin did; the problem is how the other reacted. It is not a bloody coincidence again that right after 6 months he phoned me to inquire about my personal disposition and just happened to randomly mention about my private affairs in which he obviously had no jurisdiction. He told me in a very pretentiously condescending manner that he heard from someone that I have become a "Playboy" which is not a compliment in our part of town. So even mentioning this disclosure showed his ulterior motive and tainted intentions. Yet he still tried to portray himself as an innocent angel. I was actually quite surprised that he is not ashamed of himself for treating his own brother like this. Is that also part of his dark, evil, morbid, bizarre, sick, twisted, bad and pathetic morality or degenerated humanity? That was the final straw where I drew my ultimate line. He put the final nail in the coffin and sealed his own fate. It is quite shocking to see that your own brother who spend majority part of his life thinking of me as his nemesis and being jealous of my achievements would pretend to be my friend, but insult, patronize, disrespect and humiliate me at every point in his life, make fun of me for his entertainment, try to sabotage my job, career, business and trade, deliberately give me physical harm and pretend it was an accident, tell lies about me and manipulate the truth to make him look better, betray my trust repeatedly, show absolutely no respect, take pleasure in my misery, repulsion in my peace, turn everything into a bloody competition, who would take even an innocent remark as a jibe at his sovereignty, who would take even a small compliment as a political conspiracy against him or an insult to his personality, get aggressive for absolutely no reason and shout at me for having an opinion that does not synchronize with his philosophy or ideology, kick me when Im down, stab me in the back and then display himself as an arrogantly ignorant and obliviously naive individual who thinks that I would be so gullible that I would believe his hypocritical stance in wanting to be my savior or liberator when he obviously had an ulterior motive or tainted intention, but then he would still have the audacity to blame me for showing hesitation in meeting or talking to him. After all of this he dares to come to me with that shameless repertoire and talk to me about friendship or relationship. A friendship or relationship is based on trust, respect, loyalty, justice, empathy, altruism, compassion, kindness, faithfulness, reliability, durability, communication, connection, happiness and peace and he unfortunately doesnt fulfill even one factor. We have to prove our words and our actions in genuine sincerity and we have to show our usefulness, worthiness, importance and need for the other person to become an integral part of his social circle and our personal life and not just a zombie robot in spectator mode; we have to give him the temperance, diligence, patience and humility to the best of our intelligence and wisdom and humanity and morality. Remember, relationships are not developed from blood but they originate from the heart. The heart of my society is obviously dead because they have transformed into zombie robots. Seriously I can design a robot with artificial intelligence that would have a better personality than them. Unless and until they become self aware and make a conscientious decision of changing themselves in order to regain their humanity, they would keep on living as idiot, backward, primitive, savage barbarians who are nothing but useless and worthless bloody freaking pieces of garbage.

How in the name of Gods heaven am I supposed to have a friendship or relationship with them when they dont even trust or respect anything that I say or do? NEWS FLASH!! We do not have any friendship or relationship with each other. I did not disown them or anything, but I am being very pragmatic. When you compromise the foundational structure of your moral integrity, you dig your own grave. The only constant of perception in the difference between reality and illusion is your faith. Meaning the difference is how you make it but the important thing is what are you going do about it? That is the ultimate question. If we understand the roots of our human consciousness then we begin to integrate with the mission of our life and the ultimate purpose of our existence which is to understand and learn the difference between good and evil and right and wrong and black and white and light and dark and positive and negative and left and right and up and down; inspire and motivate others towards empathy and altruism to help their fellow human as part of the collective consciousness in the global network, show compassion and kindness not for gaining your selfish reward, respect, recognition, redemption in world life or after life, but because its the right thing to do and then make them follow you in the forward direction to progress and evolve into a better species. I know we are living in the gray but it takes quite a significant amount of self reflection and self actualization to understand the art and science of figuring out the ideological philosophy of whether we are really in the white when we are in the black or whether we are in the lighter part or in the darker part of gray.

We know the absolute truths and universal facts of life. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, karma hits you very hard, payback is a bitch and you reap what you sow. Dont judge others lest you be judge yourself and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. They probably think that they are so perfect, but what they dont know is that the ditch that they are digging for someone else is the same one in which they are going to fall. They still dont get it do they? They dont want to get off their tall thrones and high horses. They are so busy smelling their own farts because their heads are shoved up so far up their rectum that they dont even realize the actual reality of their dimension. They are so worried about their reputation when they dont even realize that they dont have any. Each and every person of ours is backstabbing the living daylights out of each and every other person. You are just an ordinary guy living an ordinary life just like everybody else. Life doesnt have to be a bloody competition in every goddamn situation. You are not in a race with anybody except yourself and by the time you reach the finish line, you will realize that you are back at the same place that you started from. The moral of the story or the lesson of this filmography is that it is not important which path you choose but how you choose it. The journey is more important than the destination. Intentions are more important than results. Execution is more important than output. That is what logic, rationale, nature and instinct tells us.

My cousin however finally got one proposal through but the interesting part is that he had absolutely no idea what marriage was and why was he getting married, but he did anyway and the story moves forward. "Oh! I just did it because I wanted to share my life with someone." Garbage again. I think I might as well call the Guinness Book Of World Records because my relatives are going to be making a record very soon. Shouldnt marriage be done for a much better reason than companionship? Like a simpler but stronger reason? As in something like "LOVE" He never even mentioned what his wifes preferences or prerogatives would be or should be. I mean there has to be some respect for her natural theory of selection now isnt it? But how would he give a damn about that? She was just another pleasure machine that he bought of the market like a T-1000 model of a zombie robot or the latest version of the Iphone. Let me put this on the table; if his father did not use his power or influence to refer his sons potential candidacy for the marriage relationship, would he be able to go even 20 feet near this female who is living with him in his flat bought by his father; let alone shove his penis inside her vagina? Just think about it; he was born as the son of a rich businessman and inherited his luxury and facilities. There are many people more handsome and qualified than he would ever be who havent even gotten one by tenth of the things that he had in his life and yet he believes that he just got there by the sheer force of his will? How arrogantly ignorant and obliviously naïve he is. He did not earn her; she was offered to him on a bloody plate. When you earn someone in your life, you choose her and make her choose you of her own free will without passing legislation in the senate or pleading your case in front of a tribunal that synchronizes with the permission of the bloody father. When I asked him what was his criteria he said that he looked at her face and liked it. Garbage again. Nothing wrong with liking somebodys face but heres the problem. Is he trying to say that he married her face? Not really. Point is, he didnt just look at her face, he looked at other things as well; although his family had already done majority of the work. The selection was made just like any religious conservative family background. He weighed all of the options and chose her based on status and title, apart from anatomical mechanics and physical dimensions. But the real reason for marrying her was obviously not her wonderful personality or behavior, was it? The real reason was that he wanted to show her off in such a way so that he can look superior in front of his peers in order to gain power and influence.

I did a formal research on the deceptive hypocrisy and selfish materialism of a degenerative society whose faith and belief revolves around the measurement of financial situations and reproductive organs according to shallow and superficial rankings and ratings of fame and fortune. The definition of arranged marriage according to my ideological philosophy is a hypocritical mechanism of a prostitution industry integrated and assimilated by the shallow and superficial rankings and ratings of financial situations and reproductive organs. Just think about it, people say that everything is just fine because it worked out for them but the situation has a totally different angle or shade in regards with the institution of marriage which should solely be based on the most important factor of human consciousness and that is free will. That is what differentiates us from robots. Robots do not have emotions or instincts; thats why they will lose in front of a human because they do not know how to improvise or adapt. Even humans themselves without specific understanding or training cant psychologically evaluate someone else because they do not have the right priorities or prerogatives based on humanity or morality. I think that the most suitable guideline for a virtuous marriage based on goodness would be assimilated when the mental and physical compatibility synchronizes with each others personality and behavior at a simultaneous quantum or period of time and space. People usually try to tell me that they talked and evaluated their potential spouses personality because of their experience in dealing with business clients. How can they say that? Dealing with a few business clients is totally different from dealing with your potential candidate who is going to be your wife. Marriage is not a business contract at least in the moral sense it is supposed to be an institution based on the foundation of goodnesss and morality that revolve around personality and behavior. It is in our religion as well; "The best among you is the one who has the better personality and behavior" So how can they say that the selection group given to them was the only suitable option available? If I took them back in time and gave them a selection group of 4 billion females to choose from on the face of this entire planet, would they still choose the same person again? No of course not. They would obviously utilize their facility of selecting the better option. That is what free will is all about and with freedom comes responsibility giving us a broader perspective of life and shunning the primitive ideologies of arranged marriage. They chose that person because he or she was the better choice available at that specific time and place, but their natural theory of selection was based on something that was a fantasy or an illusion. I would rather speak the truth and be hated for it; rather than speak a lie and be loved for it. I would rather live in a nightmare thats real than live in a dream that is an illusion. So what is our understanding of the difference between reality and illusion? Precisely, it is only based on our faith but its difference is not important as much as what you do with it. They just selected a mate without even knowing who she really is? Which takes quite a significant period of time even by the best level of experts and even then it is a shot in the dark but still it is the moral thing to do. But they didnt think about that and they just looked at the surface tension and said okay. And then they just had sex with her like everybody else on their wedding night with a girl in an extravagant dress they barely even know. Now tell me how is this any different from a selection methodology based in a brothel house. This is almost the same technique that is used by potential clients in the prostitution industry. So when I say that arranged marriage has become a prostitution industry, I have ample evidence to back my theory up.

Hypocrisy is the homage vice pays to virtue.
The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception the one who lies with sincerity.

Things usually take on a different perspective when you live in a nation of snitches. Especially when they are your own relatives. So welcoming my now married cousin with open arms after he shows himself after 4 years is not a top priority in my modus operandi. But obviously he had to show up and gloat about his inductance into the hall of fame and I obliged him for the sake of formality. He wanted me to meet his wife who was with him at that period of time. I respectfully greeted her in the most appropriate manner of my Victorian era renaissance period formality, which offended him because I was supposed to drool on her like a bloody animal to make him feel better. As usual whatever methodology or technique that I utilized in my greeting statement was not good enough and his father protested that to my mother and then she inquired about my cousins negative response or feedback, which obviously turned into a major issue and a sign of further embarrassment. My greeting was short and simple but they wanted me to say it like they do which is absolutely ridiculous. This is the most unreasonable part of the whole debacle; they were upset because I did not make a light dialogue with her, as if I should be the only person who should be making the effort or taking the initiative in making a "dialogue" because I am a male and she is a female. First they want you to not even think about women, and then suddenly they want you to talk to other peoples wives in an intellectual conversation that should constitute the resolution of a formal socialization equipped with all forms of traditional banter and chatty attitudes. The insanity never finishes.

The reason that I did not properly meet his wife was also because of the social taboos that every over flattering female in this jurisdiction or region of the world thinks. A female is used only for 2 purposes. As a pleasure machine or an off spring producing industrial factory. They respect only 2 people in their lives. The guy whose money their under and the guy whose dick their under. So when anybody else is brought in the equation they are always suspicious of his intentions. Women in this region are taught that if they talk to anybody other than their fathers, brothers, husbands or sons, then God would strike them with lightning and make them burst into flames. Thats why I showed a little discretion because they are already scared shitless. And obviously I didnt say anything more than just formally greet her, because that would have become an issue as well and his father would have reported that to my mother as well, but as it goes he did it anyway. I guess nobody is ever going to be happy.

Technically in the western traditions when a man wants to introduce his wife to his relative he probably does it in order to assimilate his family in a more integrated network where he can rely on his cousins to take care of his wife when he is not around or help her with anything she might desire and vice versa. It is a mutual understanding and the wife herself has significant independence to operate her needs and wants and exercise her right of self actualization and free will. It is a more flexible environment where she doesnt have to feel any guilt or regret in hanging out with her cousins even when her husband is not around as she has the necessary level of trust and respect to build her friendship and relationship with her relatives regardless of their gender as they are not sexist. In my nation however the friendship and relationship with relatives are shallow and superficial which means they have no value, making the whole formality of introducing the spouse absolutely pointless. It has no religious, cultural, traditional, ethical or moral obligation. So it just results in a white wash. Thats why I really dont understand the whole idea of meeting somebodys wife when I cant even properly connect or communicate with her. They cant even make their own effort or initiative to formulate some kind of understanding. They just behave like bloody freaking zombie robots making themselves absolutely and irreversibly boring and predictable.

I dont have any problem in my relatives wanting to meet me, but the ultimate question they need to ask themselves is why they need to meet me when they cant even stand me? They dont respect anything that I say or do yet they want to socialize? Quite interesting. Then obviously the next question would be why they want to socialize? I know that is what humans do, but why do they want to do it when they dont have any friendship or relationship with me. Do they have any ulter

They had a perfect opportunity to make themselves useful and worthy and give the other person the importance and need to start a friendship or relationship and integrate him with their social circle and even their personal lives and I would have gladly taken on the mantle. I would have a feasible purpose that would have a viable future. They have to put something on the plate in order to show their genuine vulnerability and original submission. My responsibility was to deliver the message, but the rest is up to them. So before they decide to meet me again; they really need to find the answer to their ultimate question.

I liked girls from a young age and I always wanted to get married and have a family. Who doesnt, which brings us to the issue of marriage. Before I tell you my story further, let me tell you how the system of marriage works in my country. It is obviously none other than the system of arranged marriage integrated down to its roots in any patriarchal society. The definition of arranged marriage according to my ideological philosophy is a hypocritical mechanism of a prostitution industry integrated and assimilated by the shallow and superficial rankings and ratings of financial situations and reproductive organs. Initially the system wasnt so bad because it was based on morality and the priorities were straight, selections were made according to suitability, a boy or a girl or a man or a woman were selected according to personality and behavior rather than wealth or title. It was a great facility that was useful to the people who are not able to find a suitable spouse on their own. Now this system has been corrupted as well and the lust and greed for power and influence has destroyed the foundations of this great institution.

If you even remotely have the luxury to think that you have got a fair opportunity of having the right to have an idea of a few standards and options in getting a suitable worthy marriage partner or even sending a proposal to a potential spouse in my country; you need to know that it has become more difficult than getting into NASA. Trust me I was looking at the requirements for the organization and I am eligible for it but you would be surprised that even a person like me with a great resume is getting trouble finding a wife. Marriage is now getting out of the range of all the people in the vicinity of the middle classes every second of everyday due to the misbalance in the salary and inflation with the demand and supply of a females ever raising expensive and luxurious tastes and her selfishness and materialism. First the only way you can get married in my country is through arranged marriage most of the time; that is where you can send or receive the best proposals; after that youre options keep on getting lesser and with the passage of time goes down to zero. Your whole life could get destroyed just because you breathed in the wrong manner. Arranged marriages are now done in my country according to fame, fortune, wealth, property, assets, possessions, materials, politics, power and influence. For example a female does not want a man she wants a god. She would want him to have a huge set of muscles and he should be as pretty as a Hollywood actor otherwise you dont stand a chance. Majority of the times the rich guys always win and take away the prettiest ones and then the rest are left for the lower classes. Yes, our society runs on class systems and status quos. Rank, position, standing, grade, category, group, type, order, level or stage they are all taken into measurement according to a design algorithm or a mathematical formula. Along with that religion, race, color, creed, faction, family, district, town, province, state, city, sector even neighborhood affects your variables in the statistical probability of your selection process.

I am an eligible bachelor but I was rejected just because my sister got divorced; imagine that. Thats right; if any sibling inside your family gets divorced the rest of the members will not get a fair opportunity to send or receive proposals, it is an immediate disqualification. Yeah, try to wrap your head around that one. I know! If there is a hell on the face of this entire planet, it is this place. It is absolutely unfair and unjust, but thats how a hypocritical society works. If you want to send a good proposal to a good family, you need to have at least a 90 by 90 square feet plot on which you should build a 16 bedroom mansion, with a front lawn and a back yard, 2 vehicles like a sporty and a luxury one, 8 servants and 480000 bucks per month salary. In a poor country like mine where thousands of people are dying due to starvation and living on less than a dollar a day, that is quite a luxurious demand of a female spouse from her male provider especially at the age of 24 when he has just post graduated from university. Nobody in the whole world can fulfill this demand on his own unless he is the son of a rich tycoon which proves my earlier points. What does the girl do? Nothing.

Females in my country are used only as pleasure machines and off spring producing industrial factories. The faith and belief of a girl revolves around money and penis; in fact she measures the size of your penis according to the size of your bank account. She only respects 2 types of men; one whose money their under and the other whose penis their under. You have to wear a Ralph Lauren and come out of a Ferrari to be taken seriously in the higher classes and thats where I have been all my life, now trying to fit in there is getting absolutely impossible and I cant go anywhere else because I would not be welcome or would not even fit in because of the limitation in the mindset of their traditional circle. They only bring in people of their own kind and my kind is already quite different. Majority of the females in my part of town just eat, drink, sleep, excrete, have sex, make babies and do shopping. They treat you impolitely and furiously all the time and they behave horribly and terribly if things are not going according to their will.

I always take great care of my mental and physical health and fitness, but it just doesnt matter because at the end of the day people are still going to judge you on your natural weight and height on which you have no control. That is what I dont understand that why in this modern day and age we are still so shallow and superficial that we judge people on their physical appearances or on any factor that you dont even have any control over. I didnt have any control over my sisters relationship and neither did she yet I got punished for it. Now people have a problem with my anatomical mechanics. I have got an impressive sport record even then people think that I am weak because I have an athletic figure which is lesser than the ideal figure of WWE Wrestlers like Dwayne Johnson. Unfortunately I dont want to become Dwayne Johnson so my natural theory of selection becomes unacceptable. Girls in my world have been brainwashed by all kinds of international media who dictates how beauty should look like but even though genuinely intellectual and originally sophisticated individuals know that beauty is a matter of relative perspective they still fall back into the same primitive patterns of finding suitable mates according to weight and height as their ancestors did thousands of years ago. My weight and height is medium and that is supposed to be ideal according to the field of medicine but its just not good enough for females in my jurisdiction of the world.

If you look at the history of beauty, the perspectives have modified themselves on different shades and angles. 10000 years ago the concept of beauty was totally different from what we have now; a male was thought to be handsome if he had sensitive features and an athletic figure and men of larger sizes were considered unattractive and repulsive. If you need some evidence you can look at the art work from even the renaissance period and you would be able to see like as in the paintings of David and Goliath. David was made to look beautiful by his sensitive features and his athletic figure where as Goliath was made to look unattractive by showing him as a huge hulk type figure with more broader and sharper jaw line features. If you look at the famous statue of The David designed by Michelangelo you would notice that he also has an athletic figure. I in fact look just like the statue but unfortunately what was considered a sign of beauty is now unacceptable in this day and age. I guess I just ended up in the wrong timeline. Point is that there is no specific formula for measuring beauty. Scientists have tried to measure it by putting a theorem on the facial anatomy and giving it a value of 1.618. 1.618 is known as Phi (and also as the Golden Ratio, Golden Mean, Golden Section and Divine Proportion) and its mathematical cousin, the Fibonacci sequence.

Things get even more complicated when you start facing problems with your job, career, business and trade. Point is I make lots of money but it is just not that good enough for my type of people. Females in my group practice what is called hypergamy which is the action of marrying a person of a superior caste or class. This puts my situation in trouble obviously. On top of that my proposals usually get rejected because the statistical probability of the future prospects of my job do not achieve an acceptable value meaning that I am being targeted for something that might have a logical basis but has no moral value. How can we predict what going to happen in the next 20 years when we dont even know what is going to happen in the next 20 seconds. I thought a perfect relationship could be achieved by the mental and physical compatibility that synchronizes with each others personality and behavior at a simultaneous quantum or period of time and space. It is not a high standard but quite a simple one in which you just have to be yourself. I am not saying that money is not important but there should be a balance between your analytical and emotional paradigms and between your robotics and humanity. I know this kind of thing doesnt happen everywhere because then we would all be in trouble. I have worked and done business with foreigners and I have talked with them and asked them lots of questions in regards with dating and marriage and they tell me a few similar things from my part of town but not so messed up as my situation.

From what I have been told you dont need to make an appointment with the security council to issue a written permission to pass a bill in the senate to offer an opportunity to interact with a member of an opposite sex. In order to talk to a girl you dont have to plead with the father for permission. You can approach a girl and just say "Whats Up" and that would be just fine as she would not shoot you in the head. You dont need to fulfill the 12 tasks of Hercules before getting a date with a nice girl.

I always imagined and dreamed myself of one day being a groom and seeing my bride walk down the path towards me, making my parents proud and becoming an acceptable and respectable member of my society. Giving my parents grandsons and forwarding my legacy, but I guess that is not going to happen. I have been stereotypically labeled as a failed person who has inadequate masculinity and does not deserve any happiness or peace in his life. The only thing left for me now is a slow and painful death; a life of despair and loneliness.

My health is getting adversely affected by many factors. I am suffering from allergies, immunodeficiency, ulcers, painful molars, acidity, diseases related with the respiratory system and the digestive system, gastro esophageal reflux disease, warts, fungal infections and eye floaters. The more I try to get healthy and fit, the more illnesses and diseases are originating for absolutely no reason. The doctors tell me that it is all hereditary or part of my genetics and it is not my fault which is just fine but it looks like the universe is trying very hard to make me suffer. I used to have perfect level of mental and physical health and fitness, but now I have many diseases all at once as if somebody up there is trying to kill me. On top of that I am now suffering from anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension. I went to the psychiatrist and the psychologist and they evaluated me and from that they found that I scored the highest in anxiety meaning that I was in a lot of trouble. One of the specialist s told me that if I dont get myself treated I would either die by a nervous breakdown heart attack or I would just commit suicide if the situation deteriorates or degenerates even further. I get so much pain that I am not able to eat or sleep. From absolutely no where I started developing a lactose intolerance resulting in me unable to drink milk. Now I cant get a healthy breakfast and a source of calcium and minerals for my teeth and bones. My allergies have gone further to other groups of food which have now included fruits of all types and major kinds mostly citrus that have an abundance of vitamin C (ascorbic acid) which is good for keeping your immunity on optimum levels. Dry fruits are also out of the question. Dairy products are also now difficult to digest meaning everything ranging from milk to eggs, butter, cheese, yogurt even bread. I cant even eat meat because it is heavy on my stomach. I am barely absorbing a vegetarian diet. There are also a few vegetables that I cant digest. My stomach is barely digesting food because it is weak. It develops a misbalance in the acidity and mucosity of the stomach lining resulting in high levels of acid production that rise up through my esophagus due to the malfunction in the upper and lower esophageal sphincters causing the acid to come into my mouth and burning it. The inflammation then triggers a malfunction in two of my genes that cause the lymphocytes and the macrophages to attack the mucosal tissue of my mouth as a bacterial pathogen resulting in a formation of aphthous stomatitis which causes a high level of recurrent chronic herpetiform cluster group ulcers usually caused by the HSV Type 2 pathogen. My own body and mind are now turning against me. I have been infected with warts on my skin that are leaking a yellow puss. I also got exposed to a few fungal spores that have infected the nails of my fingers and toes. I have always remained very hygienic and now I look like a monster dying of a wasting plague. One of the most painful are the floaters in my eyes that are impeding my vision which is making it difficult for me to work. I am suffering from a rare disease that usually happens to people over the age of 60. In the posterior segment of the eye there is a vitreous humor that is composed mostly of phagocytes, which remove unwanted cellular debris in the visual field, and hyalocytes, which turn over the hyaluronan. The vitreous humour contains no blood vessels, and 98% of its volume is water (as opposed to only 75% in the cornea). In addition to water, the vitreous consists of salts, sugars, vitrosin (a type of collagen), a network of collagen type II fibrils with glycosaminoglycan, hyaluronan, opticin, and a wide array of proteins. The vitreous humour has a viscosity two to four times that of water, giving it a gelatinous consistency. With the passage of time and due to my mutated genetics and unfortunate heredity, the vitreous has gone through an ealry form of depolymerization, degeneration, liquifaction and opacification resulting in the protein collagen hyaluronic acid bond filaments to release their water molecules and become dry and sticky making them a target for attraction that causes an electromagnetic flux bringing them on a collision course with each other and then forming new forms of opacities that are more opaque in nature resulting in casting shadows over the retina that look like black spots that block my central and peripheral field of vision making it very difficult for me to work. They are known as floaters because they float with your field of vision meaning they follow you around and you can't shake them or brush them aside. They are usually shaped as reptiles or birds but sometimes as in my situation they might look like octopuses or spiders with their 8 legs or tentacles waving around and forming a web or network of other floaters. My vision is faced with blurriness, fuzziness, halos, glares, flashes, light shimmering, lens defocusing, overactive iris, problem with contrast sensitivity, and trouble with depth perception and so on and so forth. It brings a lot of stress on my vision which results in pain in my eyes and ears and neck and head. It is driving me insane almost to the point that I have started to obsessively think about death.

I have become a subject of humor in my relatives. They absurdly find it quite hilarious that I am still a virgin. I do not have a girl friend. I do not have the option of dating. The only way I can get near a girl is if I get married to her and that is not going to happen. There are a few other facilities but those are also not applicable and would not work because they still need the permission of your parents. My parents have technically disowned me because I wasnt able to become the God child they always wanted. I live alone in a flat betrayed and rejected by the people I trusted and loved the most.

I know how to solve these problems but taking advice from a professional is also recommended. They say even a signal to a wise person is good enough. That is what I need; I need to have the proper guidance and counseling tools to point me in the right direction which does not compromise my moral integrity. Point is that I know how to solve this problem in 24 different kinds of ways but I dont want to lose my humanity in the process. I want to solve this but also remain truthful and honest about it. There are many people in the world who have gotten many things in life through unfair means and after having everything they still feel empty on the inside. They try to shield their hollowness by bridging the gap inside their personalities and behaviors by over compensating for their inferiority complex and low self esteem. I dont want to be one of them.

Another thing that I find quite fascinating is the insanity of looking down on somebody because of their sexual orientation or inclination. The most interesting of the ideology whose philosophical implications are tremendous is insulting, patronizing, disrespecting and humiliating someone on the basis of their sexuality stage like the phase of virginity. I have absolutely no idea why people make fun of virgins. It has no logical or rational basis. Everybody is born a virgin. It is not up to them to decide who, what, when, where, why, which and how are they going to lose it and even if it is, shouldnt it be their prerogative. Virginity is an idea of again labeling your sexual status which is your private affair. Nobody should have the right to admonish or isolate you on that. It has become a symbol of discrimination in the whole world. The most shocking thing is that it has become a symbol of ridicule even in Islamic Muslim conservative countries like mine where fornication, adultery, promiscuity and infidelity are regarded as the most repulsive acts of human vices. Even then there are people in my neighborhood who look down upon me because I am still a virgin.

That doesnt make any sense when I do not have the luxury of even having a fair chance at interacting with a member of an opposite sex since they are all covered up in 24 layers of clothing like a Burqa or Hijab and locked in the 4 walls of the house; well at least most of them. If even I was born in a western setting or a modern secular liberal free society of a developed country, it would still be a despicable act of self indulgent behavior or narcissistic pretentiousness if someone would harass or victimize somebody based on their sexual activity. It is like attacking somebody for not living on your base instinct of eating insects for proteins so that you can have the ultimate level of survival training as a benchmark for proving your masculinity and success as a person of a higher order of society. It is like being violent with someone because he or she is not using their reproductive organs according to your preferences or standards of life that you have created to measure something that does not have any basis of measurement for anything.

There is no requirement in any field or department of any academic discipline or any job, career, business or trade that you are supposed to lose virginity. No religion, cultures, traditions, ethics, morals, etiquettes, manners, rules, regulations, principles, values, norms, decorum or system requires you to lose your virginity. In fact it is considered a sign of decency and nobility. There is a double standard in this as well. If you are a virgin male you are looked down upon as a failure or a loser, while if you are a female virgin you are considered quite desirable. Although this also has 4 combinations this can be a good thing or a bad thing for both males and females depending upon the place or area of the world they are living in. On the other hand if you are a promiscuous male then you are considered to be quite accomplished even if you may not have done anything else, but if you are a promiscuous female then you are considered to be a dirty slut. It doesnt make any sense; its like a Shakespearean play. To love or not to love; that is the question. Even if you do decide to have sex then who should be the person. Obviously then you have to analyze the standards and options, which then brings you back to square one.

No amount of success in your life will solve this problem because people will still think that there is something wrong with you. Newton, the most influential scientist in the world died a virgin, but I dont see anybody throwing his work out of the window. Jesus was a virgin; I dont see any anthropologist, archaeologist, historian, poet, writer, philosopher, ideologist, sociologist or theologist targeting him on that quality. What if you do lose your virginity; what then, does that prove anything except that now you are not a virgin anymore and would that solve our problem; not really, because then you would need a regular or a permanent relationship which again has double standards and relative perspectives. Losing virginity does not signify how much regularity of sex you have and neither can anybody measure that according to any standard, because there is no equipment, instrument, gauge or device that can measure the level of satisfaction or fulfillment or happiness or peace of your relationship. Neither there is any ranking or rating or classification or categorization that can prove that your sexual proficiency in synchronization with your mental aptitude of your ultimate standard has given you the best sex you can ever have with someone. What you do with your partner mentally or physically is only acceptable according to your own understanding of your idea of a romantic involvement which is only acceptable to you on your own grounds. Jean Simmons claims to have made love to 4800 women in his 24 year music career; Justin Bieber has had sex with 40 women up till the age of 20, but then how do we measure the standards of those women and what was the satisfaction level of the sexual interactivity. So what I am trying to say is how much sex an average person should get in his lifetime to become socially acceptable. I know that there are some people out there who are genuinely in love and are having the best relationship but I also believe that sex is something that people usually get very less and it fades away really quickly. Why do you think that majority of the musicians are in business for such a long time. Why do you think that majority of the top 50 billboard songs always revolve around sex. Just think about it. The conclusions that people draw from somebodys virginity are also very ridiculous. If somebody is a virgin, it may be due to different reasons on which he or she may not have any control or it might not be their fault to really begin with, in the first place anyway. Just think about it, if people get to know or find out that you are a virgin it is automatically judged in the most harsh manner imaginable. It is like the worst sin ever committed in human history more brutal than Adolph Hitlers World War II that killed 48 million people. If you are a virgin you are qualified to be stereotypically labeled by the whole world on an international level according to a similar tradition of unorthodox logic, rationale, nature or instinct that you are a horrible and a terrible person who deserves to be lynched, staked, crucified, burned or vaporized due to the reason that you might be a freaky, geeky, dorky, nerdy person who might be a pervert and if he is a pervert then he might be a stalker and if he is a stalker then he might be a molester and if he is a molester then he might be a pedophile and if he is a pedophile then he might be a rapist so we should just kill him before he does anything wrong. That is how the stereotyping average regular human mind works.

When you lose everything and hit rock bottom, one of the last things that go before darkness takes over you is none other than your faith. I am hanging on the last ray of hope and final string of faith. I have seen that in this loveless life of mine, everything is going to go against you. Your friends will betray you, your family will disown you, your mentors will admonish you, your teachers will humiliate you, your relatives will disrespect you, your partners will deceive you, your government would abandon you and your nation would vilify you because you did not synchronize with their hypocritical principles. On top of that your job, career, business and trade get destroyed, you start suffering from mental and physical diseases and illnesses, you lose you wealth and then your health, your fate goes rogue and your destiny becomes illusive, you become partially blind with floaters and then you start suffering from high levels of anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension and the doctors give you a death sentence that if you dont get treated you might actually die of a nervous breakdown or a tendency to commit suicide. So if a person unfortunately gets involved in this kind of situation, I think that his faith would be one of the many things that would get negatively affected.

Lets put this thought into perspective; the ultimate question that every individual asks is why did this happen to me. The answer has many variables but the simplest one is that you were at the wrong place at the wrong time and your heredity and genetics were screwed from the very beginning resulting in a design that was following a destructive pattern of entropy from the foundation of its origin. But then the God variable comes in the form of divine intervention projecting the ideology of changing your fate by making your own destiny by showing your own resolve and praying to God that he will pardon your sins and reward you of your righteous deeds and take away your pain and suffering and make you whole again and then give you back your health and then your wealth and then your success and your purpose and your love for morality and humanity. But as it turns out, this pornographic fantasy does not work that way. I was actually betrayed by my Islamic clerics who deceived me with their lies that if I pray hard enough, my problems and my troubles will go away. That did not happen and things just got worse no matter how hard I tried to rectify them. So a person asks what in the name of Gods heaven is going on. If this life is an examination then why would God help us in the first place anyway and if we are going to get what is written in our fate then what is the point of praying in the first place anyway. This makes you feel disappointed as you feel like God has forsaken you. The most genuine and original form of Islamic guilt. You feel as though you either did not do enough service for him or maybe he just doesnt love you that much. My whole life has been a Muay Thai Kick Boxing Tournament with God every second of everyday for 24 hours since the day I was born up till the day I die. I should probably get this written on my tombstone. Nothing has ever been that easy for me. Even the simplest of things have proved themselves to be nightmares because you have to fight your way through 10 barricades of different types of obstacles for fulfilling one task that should take just one second but somehow ends up taking the whole bloody year because youre living in a hellish place with stupid people. I feel like Odysseus fighting twelve Gods at the same time. I just dont find that fair but as it turns out life is not fair. I believe that if we are progressing and evolving through our understanding of our purpose and existence then I believe a higher from of intelligence like God who is our creator would also be progressing and evolving like us but on a higher level. God just looks to me as a research scientist who is playing a game of chess with us as his pawns. The only difference is that we have got free will. The important question is that what my purpose is in his grand design. How do I decipher the design matrix of God so that I can transcend from my inquisitive state and move forward with my spiritualism?

A person of faith like me whos only friend left was none except God and now he feels as though even He has forsaken him brings forth the ultimate purity of loneliness. Loneliness is not the absence of communication; it is the absence of intimacy. Everybody wants to have a friendship or relationship that has a foundation built on either benefits or pleasure or humanity or goodness that helps you become a better person and makes you want to strive ahead to live life to the fullest even if the odds are stacked up against you. Unfortunately according to my experience, I have noticed that you are born alone and you die alone, and nobody cares about you or is coming for you. After a little while everything just seems pointless; you lose your inspiration and motivation and everything becomes so meaningless in such a way that all of your ambitions, passions, targets and goals just dont really matter anymore. It just gets so difficult to get up in the morning and life starts feeling like a burden. Your sensations, intuitions, thoughts and feelings become warped and you integrate with anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension. Work is no longer fun and fun is more work. You dont feel like enjoying your life when you feel miserable all the time. You start thinking like a dark, negative, cynical and pessimistic brute. Everything is so blurry and everybody is so fake. You feel empty or hollow. You dont want to indulge yourself in anything because it has no meaning. You start hating everything and everybody. It is like a downward spiral. Youre afraid that something bad is always going to happen no matter what you do because you are just stuck in a fix that you cant get out of. It feels like youre trapped. It feels like youre in a quicksand and you are slowly drowning. You start thinking about death and sometimes you just wish that you were buried in your grave. Sometimes you just wish that you went to sleep and never woke up. You dont feel alive anymore and you see only the whole world burning down in front of you. Why am I feeling this way? It doesnt make any sense. Should I reprogram myself into becoming a robot again? I have got 2 options in my life. I can either become the most indestructible and unbreakable organic machine devoid of any sensitive emotion and lose my humanity or gain my humanity to lose my power and gain a world of pain and suffering only to feel alive and find a meaningful purpose of my existence. Do I submit to my pride and live in loneliness or do I surrender to love and live in pain? Who am I and what am I doing here? These questions have always bothered me. There is no easy answer. Do I live alone for the rest of my life and never have to worry about hurting or getting hurt by anybody ever again without any distractions or limitations? Or do I find somebody to have a meaningful relationship with, only to know that she wasnt the one that I was looking for and everything that she pretended to be or I thought that she had was just a mirage or an illusion, enough to make me realize that my whole bondage was a dream in fact my whole sensations, intuitions, thoughts and feelings towards her were just a projection of a fantasy that wasnt real? Then the ultimate question originates about how do I find out what is real in this world? Do I take a leap of faith or measure the hope of getting real love according to a formula revolving around a theory from all forms of natural sciences like physics, mathematics, chemistry or biology? Would I ever be able to calculate who, what, when, where, why, which and how would I be able to acquire what real love is or should, could or would be? What is love in the first place anyway? According to the oxford dictionary and the explanation in philosophy books, love is a thought of unselfish loyalty and benevolent concern for the well being of another person. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. Love is so much more than that and no matter how hard you try you cant really calculate it, because it is embedded deep into the core of our consciousness with different permutations and combinations of random and complex variables that are changing so much faster than the speed of light that even time reverses itself in the fourth dimension. I guess love and time have got an intricate relationship that goes beyond our truth and reality. Which triggers my desire to learn more about it in such a way that it becomes an obsession, until my mind wants to be a part of it because it gives me a reason to live. Am I being illogical or am I following my instincts for the first time in my life since becoming self aware? Is love really the defining factor of my humanity that is rejuvenating my morality or vice versa or my digital circuits have been integrated with an anomaly or are facing a temporary glitch? Is love really a self aware conscious thought or is it just a biochemical instability or hormonal imbalance that assimilates feelings of reproduction for the survival of the species. The more mysterious this emotion is the more it intrigues me and its fascination invokes the desire for its acquisition. Is it too much to ask from this unforgiving world? Am I not just trying to be known to someone special and be important for her so that I can fit the missing pieces of the puzzle and find a broader purpose for my existence? Is it so hard for this world to accommodate me? Would I ever be able to achieve my target and reach my destination? I guess only I can answer this question.

No matter how hard I try to resist this emotion due to my bitter experiences, it still finds me and when I give in to it, it just tears me apart again. But the beauty of it is that you always want it even more. The irony is that it is so difficult to find and even if you do find it, it will ultimately fade away. But I still try very hard to put myself in a situation or position to prepare for it again so that I can take the first step towards beginning this journey, even though life itself is not giving me this opportunity and fate itself is trying its level best to stop me. Love is kind of like a journey of finding yourself; when you find yourself, you find love because they are the same thing. How do I find love in this unforgiving environment that I am living in? That is the ultimate question.

My friends story was quite similar with a disastrous ending. He was a good person; did all the right things and made all the right moves. He couldnt get a job and nobody tried to help him, instead his family blamed him for everything and nothing he did was ever good enough. On top of that his other friends made fun of his virginity and told him what a loser he was because they got married and were making love to beautiful women while he was a useless and worthless piece of garbage who had absolutely no future prospects. He started working as usual in a low paying dead end job and with no labor laws and no designation of minimal wages, the organization exploited his situation and made him work down to the bone until his mental and physical health and fitness started getting irreparable damage. They paid him absolutely nothing even when his internship had finished and he was a permanent employee. Instead he was paying them to gain experience. That is how corrupt our government and private sector are. He was doing 4 jobs at one time in which he was getting less than minimal pay for 2 jobs from which he was paying the other 2 jobs related to his qualification field so that he can progress in them by gaining experience in these jobs and so that he could build a future. Even after working like a zombie robot and getting treated like an animal he stayed strong and prayed for things to get better but to no avail. After working like a slave for these monsters it was all in vain and his efforts were futile. He was barely able to afford his rent and his family had disowned him and with no facilities like social security, medical insurance, career counseling, unemployment stipend or welfare support which are considered as necessities in developed countries but are luxuries in underdeveloped fourth world countries like ours, he was headed towards an armageddon which he wont be able to survive. In our country even electricity, gas, water, phone and internet are considered as luxuries. We get sometimes 24 to 48 hours of load shedding or power blackouts in our country. Finally the alienation and isolation took his toll on him and he couldnt take it anymore. He decided one day to finish it and ended up committing suicide. All he ever wanted was to love someone and be loved in return of his and her own free will. Was that too much of a high demand? In millions of women available, not one could find an eligible bachelor like him worthy enough? Does he necessarily have to finish the 12 tasks of Hercules? Does he really need to become a God? I dont want to end up like my friend.

I always wanted to have a normal life even though being a normal person is such a relative perspective. I dont even know who I am anymore and when you dont know who you are, you dont know what do you want, where do you want to go, when are you going to get there, why are you doing this, which option is the best and how are you going to solve it. I dont know whether I want to be with anybody anymore. Should I be alone and preserve my humanity or should I be rejected and lose my morality. How do I know and how do I tell? Is it moral to be alone or is it inhumane to be rejected? I know people can learn how to survive alone if they make a conscious decision or if they have no choice. I still have a choice but do I really deserve to be with someone? Do the rules of philosophy or psychology dictate that I need to be with someone to progress and evolve? And if they do then what is the logic behind it? And if it is settled then how do I be with someone? I havent been taught courtship or companionship. I do not have a doctoral thesis or theoretical experience in the field of female sexuality, dating, sociology, psychology or philosophy with which I could develop interpersonal relationships. I have never even talked to a girl in my life except in situations in which there was a work requirement in university or office and I live in a conservative country. I am 28 years old and I have never even looked, talked, walked, touched or kissed a girl in my whole life. I mean all of this in terms of having a meaningful communication or a thoughtful connection. After living a straight and formal life, I have been stereotypically labeled by my family and friends as a homosexual, a womanizer, a pedophile and a rapist but the ironic or poetic part of this situation is that I am a virgin. My mental and physical health and fitness are going down which means that if this deterioration keeps progressing on a mathematical formula then I am probably going to die a virgin.

All I need is a fair chance at life; is it too much to ask? I dont even know how it feels like to be touched by a woman. Its not like I dont have money; I do, but I am not a super rich guy and it is unfair that I need to have huge loads of money so that I can buy a wife for myself. Majority of the girls in my country do not use dating websites in fact they dont even use the internet mainly because of the reason that they are either illiterate or too backward for using that technology. The few girls that do use the internet and even fewer who might use a dating website have got even higher standards of demands from their potential spouses. Meaning at the end of the day in order to put the long story in a shorter version, there isnt much left to deal with in the first place to even begin with anyway. There is a massive shortage of women and even a larger shortage of good women.

My personality and behavior for the sake of lyrical interpretation can be summarized by 2 Linkin Park songs which are as follows:

BY MYSELF

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself (myself)

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself (myself)
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To end things watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I turn my back I'm defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on
Then they'll take from me 'till everything is gone
If I let them go I'll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer
By myself (myself)

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself (myself)
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To end things watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

How do you think
I've lost so much
I'm so afraid
I'm out of touch
How do you expect
I will know what to do
When all I know
Is what you tell me to

Don't you
I can't tell you how to make it
No matter what I do
How hard I
I can't seem to convince myself
I'm stuck on the outside
Don't you
I can't tell you how to make it
No matter what I do
How hard I
I can't seem to convince myself
I'm stuck on the outside

I can't hold on
(To what I want when I'm stretched so thin)
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
(To anything watching everything spin)
Without some failure sinking

I can't hold on
(To what I want when I'm stretched so thin)
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
(To anything watching everything spin)
Without some failure sinking

A PLACE FOR MY HEAD

I watch how the moon
sits in the sky in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
And the sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming
The moon's going to owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me
You do
Favors and then rapidly, you just
Turn around and start asking me about
Things you want back from me
I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest
I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Maybe someday I'll be just like you and
Step on people like you do and
Run away the people I thought I knew
I remember back then who you were
You used to be calm used to be strong
Used to be generous but you should've known
That you'd
Wear out your welcome now you see
How quiet it is all alone
I'm so
Sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest
I'm so
Sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Shut up

I'm so sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I'm so sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place, to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

The problem is very simple, I have lost my confidence. I am suffering from anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension. Mainly because of the reason that my future is now in trouble. I know how to solve this problem but I am stuck. Its like when you are in a state where there is a fire in front of you and a ditch behind you; like you are stuck in a place that you cant get out of. It like being caught between a rock and a hard place or a fork in the road which offers two possibilities none of which are acceptable, but the situation is you have to make a decision and you have the guidance tools at your disposal. You can solve this problem or bring it to its inevitable conclusion but you are lacking the courage which is very frustrating since I have always been very brave otherwise I would not have made these achievements. But that is not all; I am also suffering from some kind of temporary ADHD or OCPD that is making me close myself in a tighter box. Maybe it is because of my psychological history, the idea of having to see my relationships and my friendships getting shattered. I have tried all four types of love; divine, family, friendship and romantic love and I have been betrayed in all of them. I have acquired a trait of messing up everything that I indulge myself in. It looks like everything that I touch usually gets destroyed.

The problem still is a little more complicated as I have come to accept my situation and tried to move forward, I am still thinking too much and over analyzing which move am I going to make. This means that now I am not making a move at all because it is not just fear rather it is the idea of losing your humanity and alienating yourself from your instincts. Which means that I am not able to take the first step which is usually the hardest but still not impossible. The point is very simple I have reached such a dichotomous paradox that I am evenly split between multiple thought patterns; I am trying to calculate everything according to a formula, and not making any move unless I have done a full thorough high level of an exhaustive research thesis project that would tell me every possible permutation and combination of every random and complex variable in question. This obviously becomes very tiresome and requires heavy level of hard work which still doesnt get me anywhere because theory and practice differ from each other and mistakes are still going to happen. This makes my situation more serious because I am not afraid to die anymore but I am afraid to live. The thought of making a mistake and getting further setbacks no matter how temporary is weighing heavily down on me. I am making too many plans but not executing even one of them. Imagine an artist trying to paint on a canvas suddenly decides to calculate every stroke that he makes on the paper; what do you think is going to happen? Thats right; he wont be able to make a single point because he wont know where to start from. Its like I have forgotten how to use my instincts and have transformed into a zombie robot; the same thing that I hated all my life. I dont know how to start or finish a thing; or at least figure out how much time should I give to what task according to its merit or importance. It is absolutely ridiculous and embarrassing. That is my problem.

Following are the questions that I am wondering about =>

1. How do I stabilize my fear, hate, guilt or regret?
2. How do I face my insecurities in the righteous manner?
3. How do I become brave again?
4. How do I utilize my determination to integrate with my motivation?
5. How do I understand and learn the knowledge or information of my personality or behavior?
6. How do I know who am I really on the inside according to my sensations, intuitions, thoughts or feelings?
7. How do I know what do I want to become in my life and how do I become good at it?
8. How do I neutralize my negativity?
9. How do I deal with anger issues?
10. How do I deal with zombie robot family and friends?
11. How do I acquire the guidance tools and the knowledge to fight my anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension?
12. How do I deal with indecisiveness?
13. How do I survive in a tough environment without losing my humanity?
14. How do I mentally prepare myself to build my job, career, business and trade in an unsupportive environment?
15. How do I manage my finances, resources, market and economy when the system is rigged to only support people from the upper classes where there are no checks and balances of power and authority between the government sector and private sector and between capitalism and socialism? I mean if I have absolutely no social security, medical insurance, retirement policy or unemployment stipends which means my best case life scenario is a low paying dead end job with no benefits in an exploitive firm and my worst case life scenario is I get fired from that job and get thrown on the street from where an educated qualified person like myself could actually die from starvation; how do I survive in a world that has a sword of death hanging over your head, 24 hours a day? Not to mention the terrorists who are trying to kill us as well.
16. I can either become the most indestructible and unbreakable organic machine devoid of any sensitive emotion and lose my humanity or gain my humanity to lose my power and gain a world of pain and suffering only to feel alive and find a meaningful purpose of my existence. Do I submit to my pride and live in loneliness or do I surrender to love and live in pain? Do I trust people and be deceived by them or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness for the rest of my life? Do I deserve to live in loneliness or am I worthy to be with someone? Do I need to be saved or do I need to save myself? Is it unethical to be alone or is it immoral to be rejected? Who am I and what am I doing here?
17. How do I learn to play the mind game of becoming tactful in my social acceptance? Should I just conform to the standards of regular people or inspire people to become better than they are?
18. How do I remedy the feelings of loneliness?
19. How do I make my friendships and relationships work when everybody around me is trying to take advantage of my kindness for their own selfish ambitions?
20. How do I become acceptable to women without compromising the foundational structure of my moral integrity?
21. Is there a possibility that a woman could also love me for who I am rather than only for what I could do for her?
22. Is there such a thing as love or is it just a bunch of biochemical hormones subjected to a statistical probability?
23. How do I find love in a loveless world? How do I become acceptable to women in a nation where the natural theory of selection revolves around shallow and superficial ranking and ratings of things that have no value?
24. Do I need somebody in my life to survive and is it necessary that I would fall in love with that person? I need to know how do I get the light of knowledge that would tell me who I am to know what do I want and when do I take the step and where do I need to go and why am I doing this and which way is the best and how do I get the best out of myself and know that I am doing the right thing?

I know that one of the only analytical techniques towards this emotional anomaly is a thorough evaluation of my personality which I can do through various methodologies. I can utilize different analysis, inventories, checklists, questionnaires, instruments, codes, sorters, indicators, tests, assessments, theories, profiles, protocols, scales, methods or trait measurements. I might be able to get somewhere in finding out what is my functionality type by using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, Keirsey Temperament Sorter, California Psychological Inventory, NEO PI R 3, 16 PF, RIASEC, DISC assessment or HEXACO but how do I evaluate each and everybody else that I am dealing with and learn how to balance or neutralize their transgressions. I obviously cant guage them by neither force nor can I impose any change on them, except myself and that is the ultimate question. How do I make a conscious or a conscientious decision to become self aware in a way that I change not only myself but my personality and behavior becomes influential and inspires to make other people change as well for the better? I do not have a degree in psychology or sexuality and I have absolutely no idea how to talk to a woman as I have lived in a guarded and segregated environment. How would I be able to make a woman fall in love with me when I dont even know how to talk to them? They are totally different from us in many fields and departments of life. One of my biggest fears in life now is loneliness but on top of that are also people. How can I fight both fears that are polar opposites and are working against each other to facilitate my safe zone but also torturing my preservation of a healthy life. Am I supposed to just survive or do I deserve to be happy? Do people like us never find peace and keep on suffering in pain till the last breath of their lives? Should I just give up all hope and learn to live with my demons or is there a way out? Should I do the right thing and feel miserable or should I do the wrong thing and think that I am satisfied? Should I do the wrong thing and think that I am doing it for good or should I do the right thing and feel that I am doing it for evil? Should I rather be hated for telling the truth or be loved for telling falsehood? Should I rather prefer to live in a reality that is a nightmare or an illusion that is a dream?

This is a short summary of my autobiography. I dont want to hurt anybody nor do I want to get hurt by anybody. I just dont want to be another disappointment and not be able to come up to the impossible standards of my generation. It is so hard to be likeable these days when people want something new every day that works only for their own satisfaction and sings only the tune they desire. It is hard to keep a balance between Existentialism, Optimism, Rationalism and Idealism. It is quite difficult to find a middle route between Puritanism, Libertarianism, Conservatism and Utilitarianism. I am not able to bond with people anymore because I feel as if they will prove themselves to be a burden or a liability and jeopardize the foundational structure of my moral integrity or maybe I would somehow compromise their behavioral patterns towards a destructive cycle that might end up damaging their design matrix that revolves around their personality functions. If I cant be a positive influence on them, how should they be a positive influence on me, but even if I do become super perfect, would they even perceive my identity in a fair light and react accordingly or just exploit me just the same for their arrogant ignorance or oblivious naiveté or their deceptive hypocrisy or selfish materialism. Fear is the path towards the dark side. Fear leads to doubt, doubt leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to pain, pain leads to despair, despair leads to destruction and destruction leads to death. My fear cycle needs to be broken because I think that I am beginning to hate humanity because I have been wounded by them so much that I dont trust them anymore. So we have reached the end of our journey and now we know what the problem is so that we can focus on what the solution should be. I would be looking forward for your positive response or feedback.

Yours Sincerely,

Kung Fu Jedi Master 95

P.S. In the quantum mechanics of the human brain we have found out that the human brain is a network of one hundred billion neurons. Different experiences create different neural connections which bring about different emotions. And depending on which neurons get stimulated, certain connections get stronger and more efficient, while others may become weaker. This is what's called neuroplasticity. Rationality and emotional resilience work the same way. These are neural connections that can be strengthened. Whatever you are doing at any time, you are physically modifying your brain to become better at it. Since this is such a foundational mechanism of the brain, being self aware can greatly enrich our life experience. Specific neurons and neurotransmitters, such as norepinephrine, trigger a defensive state when we feel that our thoughts have to be protected from the influence of others. If we are then confronted with differences of opinion, the chemicals that are released in the brain are the same ones that try to ensure our survival in dangerous situations. In this defensive state, the more primitive part the brain interferes with rational thinking and the limbic system can knock out most of our working memory, physically causing "narrow-mindedness". No matter how valuable an idea is, the brain has trouble processing it when it is in such a state. On a neural level, it reacts as if we're being threatened, even if this threat comes from harmless opinions or facts that we may find helpful and could rationally agree with. But when we express ourselves and our views are appreciated, these "defense chemicals" decrease in the brain and dopamine neurotransmission activates the reward neurons, making us feel empowered and increasing our self-esteem. Our beliefs have a profound impact on our body chemistry, this is why placebos are so effective. Self-esteem or self-belief is closely linked to the neurotransmitter serotonin. When the lack of it takes on severe proportions, it often leads to depression and self-destructive behavior. Social validation increases the levels of dopamine and serotonin in the brain and allows us to let go of emotional fixations and become self-aware more easily. When we experience an emotion or perform an action, specific neurons fire. But when we observe someone else performing this action or when we imagine it, many of the same neurons will fire again, as if we were performing the action ourselves. These empathy mirror neurons connect us to other people, allowing us to feel what others feel. And since these neurons respond to our imagination, we can experience emotional feedback from them as if it came from someone else. This system is what allows us to self-reflect. The mirror neuron does not know the difference between it and others. And is the reason why we are so dependent on social validation and why we want to fit in. We are in a constant duality between how we see ourselves and how others see us. This can result in terms of identity and self-esteem. And brain scans show that we experience these negative emotions even before we are aware of them. But when we are self-aware, we can alter misplaced emotions because we control the thoughts that cause them. This is a neurochemical consequence of how memories become labile when retrieved and how are they restored through protein synthesis. Self-observing profoundly changes the way our brain works. It activates the self-regulating neo-cortical regions, which give us an incredible amount of control over our feelings. Every time we do this, our rationality and emotional resilience are strengthened. When we are not being self-aware, most of our thoughts and actions are impulsive and the idea that we are randomly reacting and not making conscious choices is instinctively frustrating. The brain resolves this by creating explanations for our behavior and physically rewriting this into our memories through memory reconsolidation, making us believe that we were in control of our actions. This is also called backward rationalization, and it can leave most of our negative emotions unresolved and ready to be triggered at anytime. They become a constant fuel to our confusion as our brain will keep trying to justify why we behaved irrationally. All this complex and almost schizophrenic subconscious behavior is the result of a vastly parallel distributed system in our brain. There is no specific center of consciousness, the appearance of a unity is, in fact, each of these separate circuits being enabled and being expressed at one particular moment in time. Our experiences are constantly changing our neural connections, physically altering the parallel system that is our consciousness. Direct modifications to this can have surreal consequences that bring into question what and where consciousness really is. Each neuron has a voltage which can change when ions flow in or out of the cell. Once a neuron's voltage has reached a certain level. it will fire an electrical signal to other cells, which will repeat the process. When many neurons fire at the same time, we can measure these changes in the form of a wave. Brainwaves underpin almost everything in our minds, including our executive functions like focus, concentration, memory, learning even intelligence. As they oscillate at different frequencies, they get classified in bands such as alpha, theta and gamma. Each are associated with different tasks. Brainwaves allow braincells to tune in to the frequency corresponding to their particular task, while ignoring irrelevant signals similar to how a radio homes in on different waves to pick up radio stations. The transfer of information between neurons becomes optimal when their activity is synchronized. This is the same reason why we experience cognitive dissonance, the frustration caused by simultaneously holding two contradictory ideas. Will is merely the drive to reduce dissonance between each of our active neural circuits. Evolution can be seen as the same process, where nature tries to adapt or "resonate" with its environment. By doing so, it evolved to a point where it became self-aware and began to ponder its own existence. When a person faces the paradox of wanting purpose while thinking that human existence is meaningless, cognitive dissonance occurs. Throughout history, this has led many to reach for spiritual and religious guidance, challenging science, as it failed to give answers to existential questions, such as, "Who am I and what am I doing here".

The left cerebral hemisphere is largely responsible for creating a coherent belief system, in order to maintain a sense of continuity towards our lives. New experiences get folded into the pre-existing belief system. When they don't fit, they are simply denied. Counter-balancing this is the right cerebral hemisphere, which has the opposite tendency. Whereas the left hemisphere tries to preserve the model, the right hemisphere is constantly challenging the status quo. When the discrepant anomalies become too large, the right hemisphere forces a revision in our world view. However, when our beliefs are too strong, the right hemisphere may not succeed in overriding our denial. This can create a profound confusion when mirroring others. When the neural connections that physically define our belief system are not strongly developed or active, then our consciousness, the unity of all the separate active circuits at that moment, may consist mainly of activity related to our mirror neurons. Just as when we experience hunger, our consciousness consists mostly of other neural interactions for consuming food. This is not the result of some core 'self' giving commands to different cerebral areas. All the different parts of the brain become active and inactive and interact without a core. Just as the pixels on a screen can express themselves as a recognizable image when in unity, the convergence of neural interaction expresses itself as consciousness. At every moment, we are, in fact, a different image. A different entity when we are mirroring or when we are hungry. Every second, we become different persons as we go through different states. When we use our mirror neurons to look at ourselves, we may construct the idea of identity. But if we do this with our scientific understandings, we see something completely different. The neural synergies that produce our oscillating consciousness go far beyond our own neurons. We are equally the result of cerebral hemispheres interacting electrochemically, as we are of the senses connecting our neurons to other neurons in our environment. Nothing's external. This is not a hypothetical philosophy, it is the basic property of mirror neurons, which allow us to understand ourselves through others. Seeing this neural activity as your own, while excluding the environment, would be a misconception. Our selfish genes have come to promote reciprocal social behaviors in superorganismal structures, effectively discarding the notion of "survival of the fittest". The brain's neural activity resonates most coherently when there is no dissonance between these advanced new cerebral regions and the older more primitive ones. What we traditionally call "selfish tendencies" is only a narrow interpretation of what self-serving behavior entails, wherein human characteristics are perceived through the flawed paradigm of identity instead of through a scientific view on what we are: a momentary expression of an ever-changing unity with no center. The psychological consequences of this as an objective belief system allow self-awareness without attachment to the imagined self, causing dramatic increases in mental clarity, social conscience, self-regulation and what's often described as 'being in the moment'. The common cultural belief has mostly been that we need a narrative, a diachronic view on our life, to establish moral values. But with our current understandings of the empathic and social nature of the brain, we now know that a purely scientific view, with no attachment to our identity or 'story', yields a far more accurate, meaningful, purposeful, ethical and moral paradigm than our anecdotal values. This is logical, since our traditional tendency to define ourselves as imaginary individualistic constants neurally wires and designs the brain towards dysfunctional cognitive processes, such as compulsive labeling and the psychological need to impose expectations. Practical labeling underpins all forms of interactions in our daily lives. But by psychologically labeling the self as internal and the environment as external, we constrain our own neurochemical processes and experience a deluded disconnection. Growth and its evolutionary side-effects, such as happiness and fulfillment, are stimulated when we are not labeled in our interactions. We may have many different views and disagree with one another in practical terms, but interactions that nevertheless accept us for who we are, without judgment, are neuropsychological catalysts that wire the human brain to acknowledge others and accept rationally verified belief systems without dissonance. Stimulating this type of neural activity and interaction creates cycles of constructive behavior in our environment. Sociologists have established that phenomena such as obesity and smoking, emotions and ideas, spread and ripple through society in much the same way that electric signals of neurons are transferred when their activity is synchronized. We are a global network of neurochemical reactions. And the self-amplifying cycle of acceptance and acknowledgement, sustained by the daily choices in our interactions, is the chain-reaction that will ultimately define our collective ability to overcome imagined differences and look at life in 'the grand scheme of things'.

In quantum mechanics we have learned to approach reality differently and see everything as probabilities instead of certainties. In a mathematical sense, anything is possible. As well as in science as in our daily lives, the extent to which we can calculate or figure out probabilities is determined by our intellectual capability to recognize patterns. The less biased we are, the clearer we can identify these patterns and base our actions on reasonable probabilities. Since it's in the very nature of our brain's left hemisphere to deny ideas that do not fit into our current paradigm, the more attached we are to a belief system, the less able we are to make conscious choices for ourselves. But by observing this process, we expand our awareness and enhance our free will.

It is said that wisdom comes with age, but with openness and skepticism, the key principles of the scientific method, we don't need decades of trial and error to sort out which of our convictions may be improbable. The question is not whether our beliefs are right or wrong, but whether or not being emotionally attached to them is more or less likely to benefit us. There is no such thing as a free choice while being emotionally attached to a belief system. The moment we are self-aware enough to realize this, we can truly work together to figure out the real odds of what will benefit us the most.