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lavenderCranberry3121
1 388 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts144 Forum posts17 Forum upvotes118 Current upvotes118 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 24, 2023
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Hi
Newbie Hub / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 September 22nd
...See more I hurt soo deeply and profoundly.
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Loser nothing
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 September 20th
...See more I'm a loser. I have nothing going for myself, never did.  All I have is deep wounds that get deeper with age, and trauma that becomes more traumatic as I age.  In my late 40s. Never had a job due to disability, never been a looker, never had a good body, never had good skin. My body and skin have always been scarred filled, from trauma and abuse and my body keloids so I have those all over .. Nobody ever befriended me, I've always been bullied my whole schooling years.. when I first entered school at 5 I was bullied and isolated. I've never had someone shown a genuine interest in me and wanted to be my friend or include me. I've never had a friend, never had any genuine people who wanted to be with me romantically and in a relationship. They'd lie, pretend, use me and discard me like trash, often ghosting me or making up something to exit my life. No kids, no husband, no friends, no long term partner, no family, no one really talks to me unless they see me collecting mail or packages and they can't get away before I spot them ..and it's always an obligated forced good morning, and their eyes roam and a sense of urgency to get away from me as soon as possible when they ask me how I'm doing.  Their eyes always pleading for me just to say fine so they can leave. I stay in my bed mostly , only to get up and handle the absolute necessary. I don't go anywhere. I am house bond. Which I prefer ..but sometimes it often gets lonely and depressing .. especially when I people watch from my window. I just mostly doom scroll all day or sleep.  I live around a bunch of people and no one ever checks on me or even thinks of sending the cops over to do a wellness check....when I accidentally see people who live in the area after a long time ..I usually get people pretending they care saying that they haven't seen me in a long time, and wondered if I still lived here. I've also lived in the same house since I was 11.. same bedroom...never lived anywhere else.  I also just cry a lot about all the trauma and things that have always been my life.  Everything within me is depressing and pitiful. If we ever go anywhere..I can't wait to ctb
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Celibacy
Relationship Stress / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 December 1st, 2023
...See more Broke my 3 year celibacy today and I feel absolutely horrible and terrible about myself.  I regret it very much. I very much dislike sex, and every time in my life I've felt obligated and pressured to do so. I do it and have done it because it's expected of me. I want to cry. I feel good about myself when I abstain. I feel at peace and connected to and with myself. I feel pure and a cleansing for all my sins. .now I feel like a piece of trash. Garbage.  I can't believe I did this to myself again
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Uncomfortable
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 November 2nd, 2023
...See more After 3 months of successfully avoiding the guy that I previously posted about, I unfortunately encountered him today.  Walking to my usual bus stop, I looked across the street and there he was heading to work. He waved, I waved and quickly turned my head.  I kept walking and felt like I was being watched. I glanced over, and he was blowing kisses at me..asking me to come over and kiss him.  He was shouting that he still wants me to be his girlfriend because he likes me a lot. Guess he's one of those men that think women owe him whatever he wants.  I kept shaking my head no...and turned a corner and went in a direction where there were more people.   It made me very uncomfortable.  
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20something
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 October 11th, 2023
...See more 20something year high school reunion coming up.  I'll never attend though. I'm single, no kids, no friends, nothing really going on in my life. I'm still the loser..I never grew up to be a winner...like most of my former classmates are... I was bullied all through school anyways...for being different,  a lonely loser who didn't have friends, who nobody really spoke to... who was invisible to everyone, who stayed by herself, who was quiet and barely said anything,  who was never befriended,  who has never been picked ..genuinely...only picked by people who used me and tossed me away like trash...etc... I'm still that person in adult form... I'm such a loser
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Hug
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 October 21st, 2023
...See more Sometimes I desperately crave for a hug and someone who is genuine to talk to...
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Younger people
35 & Over Community / by lavenderCranberry3121
Last post
 November 29th, 2023
...See more I find myself often jealous and envious of younger people. Sometimes it saddens me a lot because I am older and feel like I just wasted my life, and I get jealous because a lot of them are what I'll never be nor ever have those qualities and characteristics.
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