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lazzare2020
281 M Embraced 2
PathStep 23 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2023 Member sinceOctober 16, 2023
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Why do I have to lie to myself to cry?
Grief & Loss / by lazzare2020
Last post
 November 16th, 2023
...See more Giving a bit of context to my situation, I grew up in a household where we weren’t allowed to cry because we had to be “strong”. This has made me struggle immensely throughout my adulthood when it comes to expressing emotions and sadness. For the past few years, whenever I am going through a difficult time be it a loss of a loved one or a heart break, i have found myself creating a completely different scenario in my mind to allow myself to cry. For example; I am going through a difficult break up and I have not cried a single tear but the build up is just there and I can feel it. I know its inside me and I need to let all that emotion out. So in my mind I start to imagine a loved one in the hospital or hearing some sort of terrible news, all completely made up scenarios. And only then will I burst into tears. i know these tears are coming from the underlying issue but I just cannot get them out being honest with my feelings. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me
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Finding it difficult to let go
7 Cups Online Therapy / by lazzare2020
Last post
 October 17th, 2023
...See more Hi there! I’m G. And I’m new here :) i basically came on this platform because I called quits with my partner and am finding it very difficult to let go. It was my decision and I stand strongly by it, but for some reason I keep expecting a text, a call or just any form of communication from her. I know it would throw me off and be super damaging in my process but it’s all i can think about. Deep down i know i dont want it as it will get me nowhere but I guess its just hearing from the person that filled all my days that makes me so anxious. Any tips or shared experiences? Thanks!
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Lost in my breakup
Relationship Stress / by lazzare2020
Last post
 October 18th, 2023
...See more This os a very bittersweet entry to type. I saw this breakup coming. I was very much so “done” with this relationship some weeks ago, but I’m just very lost at the moment. We have been seeing eachother for almost a year and a half, November would mark our official one year anniversary. I forgot to mention, I’m a 28yr old female she is 38 yr old female. throughout the relationship i found myself having to tolerate many things I promised myself I would never allow in relationships like disrespect, name calling, hostile behaviour when she got drunk etc. but as time went by i learned to accomodate to it. She was also a big vaper, as in, she would even wake up in the middle of the night and vape. Recently I started to get bad anxiety when smelling the vape and feel my throat close. Dont know if this was psychological of really a side effect of second hand vaping. I would ask her to vape the other way but the vaping was so constant it would evidently end up in my face at one point or another. This started to become a problem. we had an open relationship which worked well- our rules were set clearly and if we felt uneasy with specific people we would talk it out and they would be marked as no’s. On Saturday, we went out with some of her friends and some of mine and a friend of hers arrived with her girlfriend eho introduced herself as Paloma. I talked to her for a bit and my girlfriend laughed and made funny faces to this girl. Then, she had quite a bit more to drink and started calling her Paula, then Paola. While the girl told her she should probably eat something as she had too much to drink. I did notice this girl was not at all intimate with her “girlfriend” so i went *** to see if they had any photos together and realized she had a completely different girlfriend!!!!! I was shocked. And I had no clue who this paloma girl was or what her real name is or why everyone was playing by this game and trying to trick me into thinking such thing. When i confronted my girlfriend, she was incredibly drunk and answered “i dont know her name sorry” and laughed. I felt so disrespected, mocked and brutally played not only by her but by everyone there that night. It was humiliating. I still dont undeRstand, and i still dont know who she is or why she would lie to me if our relationship is open.. i ended things that night. I know it was the right thing to do but i feel so lost and feel so confused. its just liberating i left this relationship but heartbreaking im llosing the person who filled up most my time and days
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