leptopoma Member Profile

...See more TW for sexual trauma I can’t do casual sex or friends with benefits anymore because I always get hurt. In my mind sex and romantic feelings are too interlaced to ever do it casually. I only have sex with people who I feel I have chemistry with, who I would be interested in dating. But guys don’t make it clear until maybe two or three dates in that they’re only looking for casual sex- by which time I’ve already slept with them at least once or twice. but I am too lonely to ever stand up for myself and say “no thanks, I don’t want that. I’m looking for a romantic relationship.” And so I just settle for fwb, because emotionless sex is better than being completely alone. And then a few weeks later they dump me or ghost me. its happened to me multiple times now, the only time it was different is when I was casually with a guy for two months, who told me he loved me, and I fell in love with him back only for him to say I’m not what he wants in a partner. at this point I only feel wanted for my body. no sexual abuse has ever happened to me in these situations, it’s all been consensual, but nonetheless I feel used and dehumanised by having experienced this multiple times. I don’t know what to do. I can’t look at myself undressed anymore because I feel like crying from shame.

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