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lexalucy1
136 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2022 Member sinceJanuary 11, 2022
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Lost friend
Journals & Diaries / by lexalucy1
Last post
 January 16th, 2022
...See more Do I always need closure from the person? Once upon a time, I thought my best friend was my soulmate. I thought we would go on trip together even after high school and we would always keep in contact. Knowing the past me, I had a problem which I communicated that I like consistency and I would like a weekly checkup especially if you’re posting and I’m your best friend. I knew she had to branch out and I was a little upset bc we had just graduated from middle school and made our way into high school. We went to two different high schools but in the same city. We barely talked over the summer but I tried to make plans with her bc we said we would after graduation. She was always too busy but would post her going out. She met new people at her school, and we barely talked. I still followed her at the time but what made us really stop talking was no of miscommunication. In a gc we had, we had a mutual friend who was attention seeking in a way and accused my ex best friend(we’ll call her s) of not liking him anymore bc he doesn’t text her anymore. I replied in the gc to text me or whatever about that. And he did and I explained to him that she has a life and at the time ofc I was hurt and upset at s but I wasn’t going to do some bs excuse just to get the attention he wanted. So I explained and she thought I was taking 💩about her when I wasn’t. So after that, she unfollowed me on everything and we just never spoke after that. I do miss her and the fun that we had and now whenever I see her, she looks away from me and tenses up. I go to her work sometimes bc sometimes I wish she would just confront me and we would have a talk. But it’s been four years. I do wish for that friendship back bc I kind of feel like it wasn’t the right time. But idk if this is the right time. Idk if I hurt her but ik she hurt me. And idk if I should try to talk to her about something that happened four years ago or just leave it bc there are times where I just miss her and reminisce and think about talking to her. Idk if she feels the same way. But the thing is, I am friends with someone who she doesn’t like (we’ll call her d) bc of what d did to s. S bf kissed d when they were together at the time and I didn’t know until I was friends with d. Idk if she won’t talk to me bc of that but we have another mutual friend with s who I barely talk to but we are friends. Idk if I should go through him to get to s bc they go to the same school and work at the same job. But the only chance that I would the both of them are at their jobs. But I work when they work and would only have 30 minutes to get there. I may be doing too much but it’s been four years. Idk what I should do.
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Loved one.
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by lexalucy1
Last post
 March 29th, 2022
...See more So I grew up with an unavailable father who was there for my siblings and I when he needed something. Um we moved out and haven’t been living with him since I was 4. But, at the age of 2, I moved back in with him and a little after he started using. Using in the house and being his dealer over almost twice everyday. We never knew where his money when and recently I’m 2021, we lost the house bc of him. Summer of 2021, he went away to rehab and I had called social services on my parents bc I was sick of the treatment my siblings had to endure. I received a lot of backlash due to this from family members and ever since then I have thinking about myself and doing things for me. Some family members I still don’t talk to but very few I have rekindled a somewhat good relationship l. He has been clean since the summer and is giving me the space that I want. I don’t think I want to rekindle that father daughter relationship anymore because it doesn’t make up for what I went through. What he did affected me and my future. What I’m trying to get at is that it ruined the way I see males. I am either not interested in them romantically and just see them sexually. All in all, I see them as objects. Ik it’s not right bc they are more than that and they are simple human beings who have emotions. Why I say that is bc I have liked a dude since I’ve first met him and I didn’t want to date him bc of how my life was going and I didn’t want to put that on him. But we are about to go to different colleges and I want to at least try to have a relationship with him. But idk if I’m ready or not bc I’ve never dated. I don’t want to try something and then hurt him bc of the issues I have with myself but idk. I barely talk to him too. But I don’t mind engaging in the conversation first.
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