Loved one.
So I grew up with an unavailable father who was there for my siblings and I when he needed something. Um we moved out and haven’t been living with him since I was 4. But, at the age of 2, I moved back in with him and a little after he started using. Using in the house and being his dealer over almost twice everyday. We never knew where his money when and recently I’m 2021, we lost the house bc of him. Summer of 2021, he went away to rehab and I had called social services on my parents bc I was sick of the treatment my siblings had to endure. I received a lot of backlash due to this from family members and ever since then I have thinking about myself and doing things for me. Some family members I still don’t talk to but very few I have rekindled a somewhat good relationship l. He has been clean since the summer and is giving me the space that I want. I don’t think I want to rekindle that father daughter relationship anymore because it doesn’t make up for what I went through. What he did affected me and my future. What I’m trying to get at is that it ruined the way I see males. I am either not interested in them romantically and just see them sexually. All in all, I see them as objects. Ik it’s not right bc they are more than that and they are simple human beings who have emotions. Why I say that is bc I have liked a dude since I’ve first met him and I didn’t want to date him bc of how my life was going and I didn’t want to put that on him. But we are about to go to different colleges and I want to at least try to have a relationship with him. But idk if I’m ready or not bc I’ve never dated. I don’t want to try something and then hurt him bc of the issues I have with myself but idk. I barely talk to him too. But I don’t mind engaging in the conversation first.
@lexalucy1
It sounds like you've been through a lot. I can empathize with you because I have a hard time relating to men too. I'm much older than you and have chosen not to date anymore but kudos to you for still trying. It seems like a lot of your issues hinge on relationships...
First, let me say that it's perfectly fine to cut toxic people out of your life. Unfortunately, it seems that the relationship with your father is this type of a relationship and you need to put yourself first (which honestly you do). It's up to you to put boundaries in place and if that means no contact, fine. However, if you still want to maintain an amicable relationship with him make sure he knows your boundaries and you stick to them at all times. I know this is challenging but like I said you have to put yourself first.
Secondly, the relationship you have with this guy... A couple of things come to mind here:
1. I don't mean to say "Don't do it" but if you're going to be going your separate ways to college soon, is this the right time to pursue him? This is something only you can answer but it's something you need to give some deep, honest thought to before you move on to...
2. Do you have a friendship with him? If so, would it be possible to have a conversation with him so he knows how you feel and maybe just a small bit of what you've been through? This would allow you both to have the choice of pursuing the relationship. He'd know beforehand why you (re)act in certain ways so he can address them appropriately and you'd know what he thought before getting too far involved.
