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lifeisgood0706
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts0 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceOctober 4, 2014
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Needing a new perspective - LONG post
General Support / by lifeisgood0706
Last post
 October 4th, 2014
...See more I am new here - just joined today. I am just talking this out - I am open to suggestions. Sometimes its just nice for someone to "hear" me. Usually I can manage on my own but this morning I decided to reach out. If this is in the wrong forum, please move - I am still learning. I have had some challenging experiences to deal with over the past several years. I have learned a lot about myself through these experiences. I feel like I am just getting back onto stable ground (for the past year or so). I feel like that the experiences I went through taught me to take better care of myself emotionally - which lead me to let go of some relationships that were toxic for me. They were actually big relationships - my now exhusband and my parents. Others as well - but those 3 were my primary supports. I didnt make the decision lightly to become emotionally healthy - to remove those relationships from my life. When I really got into it, I realized that, especially with my parents, it was something I had been trying to do for several years. Anyway - I am now trying to rebuild my emotional support system. There were other things that I was focusing on (starting a new career, finding housing and refurnishing it, taking care of my fur baby, moving, etc.) that have happened over the past several years and now I am in a place - within the past year - where I feel like I can focus on rebuilding my support system. I have tried doing this in a myriad of ways. I do work night shift, which has proven to be difficult in building a support network. I know in the past a lot of my friendships were created through my job. That isnt the case anymore. We work well as coworkers - but the enviornment isnt conducive to building friendships outside of work. I have been there 2 years. When I realized that I needed to look elsewhere besides my job for support, I tried volunteer work. I live in a smaller town and tried several different avenues - but a lot of daytime volunteering gets scooped up by students since this is a college town. I even tried driving 40 minutes away to volunteer - it was fine, but since I do work night shift it was hard for me to fit my schedule with theirs. I am currently trying to find online volunteer opportunities - but ideally, I would like to work with others face to face. I tried therapy - and that came to a dead end. I dont have a lot of money to spend on a therapist - but i tried it anyway - and didnt really feel like I gained anything from it. I have tried and continue to exercise - that helps - but hasnt really been a social event. I do walk my dog - but there are no dog parks around here - so that is out. I tried looking up meetup.com - i really enjoy reading so i thought that would be an option - but again the group is about 40 minutes away - and it doesnt coincide with my work schedule - it starts at 6pm - i travel there, then have to be at work on 3rd shift. i am staying on 3rd shift for now because i am going to continue my education - hopefully my classes will start again in may - which will provide a social outlet - but that is several months away. i thought about maybe another job - seasonally even - to meet others - but when i am off work after doing 40 hours, I am pretty much wiped out and need that time to decompress. i am not ruling it out though. i have lived in this area for almost 2 years - i moved back to the area because its where i was raised. i do have friends who mostly  live 40 plus minutes away - and i did for a long time go in that direction to see them - but the road goes both ways - i cant constantly go up to see them. they have families - children - a life - so i understand that they cant always - but it is a two way street. i am not as codependant as i once was - i feel like i am alot healthier emotionally than i have ever been in my life - i am happier - i have a lot of blessings - i just feel like there are times when i would love to have someone to go and just sit and have coffee with - and that isnt available. i am an introvert by nature and do like spending a lot of time on  my own. i do know that this is temporary - meaning i know i wont always be working night shift - i know i wont always be living in this town - ideally i want to move back closer to where my friends are - there are a lot more volunteer options available - meetups, places to wander around when i feel like being an introvert - but i am waiting for school and just dont want to go another long time without having anyone to chat with. church isnt an option - thats just not for me. in a way i feel like i am being penalized for keeping toxic people out of my life. its made me realize why people stay in toxic relationships for so long - its made me realize why i did - because sometimes being out on your own - on a regular basis - is scary and challenging - and you really have to like your own company - and maybe i am seeing it from the wrong angle - but i always first go to that thought - especially when its been a long stretch of not seeing/hearing from friends or others - that i am being penalized for not allowing myself to get wrapped up in toxic relationships. i know what my role was in those relationships/friendships as well - and i feel like i have worked on those things - but starting off from a "clean slate" when i have never known what healthy friendships look like - its difficult. its difficult to find friends anyway - but i am getting side tracked. i am always open to suggestions. i dont mind if they are blunt suggestions - i like things straight to the point. again, its nice to enjoy my own company, to not be afraid of my own shadow anymore - but i am human and i do enjoy knowing that there are people out there that will love me and accept me for me - and vise versa - i wish i knew what other avenues to take. thanks for your time. xoxo    
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