lifeisharderthanitlooks Member Profile

...See more Hi, I'm a 17 y/o F and I've never posted on a forum or anything but I've honestly just reached my breaking point and I don't know what else to do. I'll start out by saying that both of my parents (my birth mother and adopted dad) were abused as children and I feel like that may be part of the reason why they are the way they are. Anyways, my mom is constantly drinking and when she drinks she is horrible to me and will call me disgusting, stupid, tell me to shut up and all for no reason. On top of that, she won't ever do anything with me and wouldn't even go to look at prom dresses with me which made me really upset. She acts like she hates me and I don't understand what I did wrong. I try to tell my dad that what she says really upsets me and he just doesn't care and her takes her side. Last year, I turned to self-harm and started cutting myself because my mom made me feel worthless and eventually after it had been going on for awhile, I told my dad. My dad was at first really worried and he told my mom he was going to divorce her but my mom told him that i was crazy and just wanted attention so he believed her and I was stuck with no help whatsoever. A year later, I'm stuck in the same situation except I have not self-harmed since last year, although it's been very, very hard at points, I've refrained. Also, my dad tells me that I'm useless and a terrible child and it just hurts so bad... I cry so much and I just don't want this anymore. My dad's only way of solving a situation is grounding me and i have no say in anything and they've openly told me my opinion doesn't matter because they are the parents. I've contemplated suicide many times but I'm too much of a coward to actually do it. I just don't know what to do because even though my parents treat me like this, they still provide for me and buy me clothes and food and they bought me a nice car so I just don't understand. I just really need help because feeling worthless has affected me deeply and I don't have any friends but I do have a boyfriend who loves and cares for me and I feel like that's the only thing pushing me through life right now.

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