I just need help
Hi, I'm a 17 y/o F and I've never posted on a forum or anything but I've honestly just reached my breaking point and I don't know what else to do. I'll start out by saying that both of my parents (my birth mother and adopted dad)were abused as children and I feel like that may be part of the reason why they are the way they are. Anyways, my mom is constantly drinking and when she drinks she is horrible to me and will call me disgusting, stupid, tell me to shut up and all for no reason. On top of that, she won't ever do anything with me and wouldn't even go to look at prom dresses with me which made me really upset. She acts like she hates me and I don't understand what I did wrong. I try to tell my dad that what she says really upsets me and he just doesn't care and her takes her side. Last year, I turned to self-harm and started cutting myself because my mom made me feel worthless and eventually after it had been going on for awhile, I told my dad. My dad was at first really worried and he told my mom he was going to divorce her but my mom told him that i was crazy and just wanted attention so he believed her and I was stuck with no help whatsoever. A year later, I'm stuck in the same situation except I have not self-harmed since last year, although it's been very, very hard at points, I've refrained. Also, my dad tells me that I'm useless and a terrible child and it just hurts so bad... I cry so much and I just don't want this anymore. My dad's only way of solving a situation is grounding me and i have no say in anything and they've openly told memy opinion doesn't matter because they are the parents. I've contemplated suicide many times but I'm too much of a coward to actually do it. I just don't know what to do because even though my parents treat me like this, they still provide for me and buy me clothes and food and they bought me a nice car so I just don't understand. I just really need help because feeling worthless has affected me deeply and I don't have any friends but I do have a boyfriend who loves and cares for me and I feel like that'sthe only thing pushing me through life right now.
I know it's hard but especially in situations where you feel your parents don't love you or care, you need to talk to someone and I too have thought about suicide but I'm too much of a coward, I could never tell my parents if I'd self harmed and so I admire you for that. my mum has said twice over a long period of time that we can talk to someone about my bad mood swings etc. But i always say no even though I want to, I'd just feel silly or embarrassed. So i get that it's hard but it's the right thing to do even if your parents don't know that you've spoken to someone.
What BigH said!
Looking for assistance while on a rocky path is a sign of strength. Be patient with yourself. Be kind with yourself. Continue to be courageous.
Definitely sounds rough. However, it is great that you understand why your parents act they way they do. It shows mature understanding and I highly doubt you will repeat their habits. Often times teens turn to self-harming to feel real. Nothing else seems to be helping so maybe if I could just feel something real it would help. Buuuuttt hurting yourself physically is no better than your mother hurting you emotionally. It is great that you have gone a year with out and keep up the good work! It sounds like you can identify the behavior that makes them unhappy so just do your best to prepare for the time when you can move out and be independent. Don't leave until you know you can sustain yourself b/c going back will be even harder. Once you are outside of the house you wont be in the direct line of fire and receive all of their negative attention. Then maybe you can help them but for the time being do what you need to to keep yourself happy and sane. You can do it.
@lifeisharderthanitlooks - Hi there, I wanted to reiterate what others said when you posted this - reaching out is a sign of strength and of progress. How have things been since this post? Have you continued to progress, or has it been tough?