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lightBeach4742
139 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceOctober 23, 2023
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Help understanding friendship
Friendship Support / by lightBeach4742
Last post
 January 1st, 2024
...See more Hello, so I want to see if anyone can help me better understand things around a friendship I have. So I meant a couple 3 years or so ago and we quickly became close friends. We would talk online almost daily and go hang out weekly. This went on for a time. Going to events, dinner, just hanging out etc. We got close enough we would joke we were family etc. About 1-2 years after the friendship started we went on a trip to LA together. I thought we all had fun etc but when we got back from the trip it started feeling like they were pulling away some. I just let it be because things change etc and we still talked and hung out. But about 3 months later I broke my arm and they initially helped me with getting to the hospital etc but then was I was recovering from surgery it felt they continued to pull away and they stopped asking me to hang out, even just sitting on a couch to watch TV. As I was finally almost recovered they would ask me out again but almost always in group events now. I did try to express my concerns during this but I never have been good at that and I still was not fully recovered and my mind was still in a fog. Earlier this year we went on another trip but I almost didn't because I was not doing well as all. I found it much much later but I was suffering from very low oxygen levels, mostly in my sleep, and I couldn't think at all and had trouble with many things. But they insisted I come and so I did. But the trip didn't go great and after it they told me they were mad at me. I didn't understand why, bad bad brain fog still, and tried to apologize for whatever I did. But again bad say things like that. It was after this that they pulled far away. There stopped chatting online with me, for the most part. We didn't hang out together anymore unless it was a group event and even then we didn't talk much at them. They found me friends that they started talking to a bunch and hanging out with like we used to. I have tried taking to them again to get to the truth of what was going on but they don't give great answers and blame me for things. They act like they still want to be friends but it feels like one of those gestures where you are "friends" but don't really talk etc. I am very frustrated by it all because I was not in my best state the last 2 years, I have been in and out of issues with my health and throughout a decent chunk of it I had bad brain fog and couldn't think well at all. I mostly was on survival mode. I felt like they left me alone during some of my worst times. That what I thought was a great friendship broke the instant I hit my low point. That they see my issues the last two years as things I could control and when I try to explain that I was having issues and that I did have problems controlling my emotions etc during that time, that they think of it as just excuses. And I am not saying there isn't some blame on me for things. It never is a one way street. I was not the best communicator and I was way worse with my brain fog. I did get emotional at times and jealous that they hung out with others while I was home alone. I had many issues with my emotions during this. I just don't understand how it came to this. My memory isn't always the best over the last two years too but I don't feel like I ever did anything bad bad. I tried a ton to be a good friend during the last two years. Tried to reach out, etc. I am just very sad with the state of things and have no clue what to do.
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Last couple years took a toll on me
Depression Support / by lightBeach4742
Last post
 December 27th, 2023
...See more Hello, I am new here. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for decades now but the last two years took a large toll on me and I have had issues controlling them again. It started when I broke my wrist and elbow last year and had to have surgery. During recovering from that I was stuck home alone for months in a fugue state. My friends at the time that I was very close with started to talk to me less and didn't seem to want to hang out as much. As I was getting my self back I got covid and it hit me hard for a bit. I finally recovered from that tried to get my life back in order. But things were different. Not only was I different but like I mentioned my friends were different. As I was recovering, March of this year I started having multiple health issues. I started the journey to figure out what was happening and in the end found out that a large part of the issue was very low oxygen levels in my sleep. I have since got things to help with that but it still needs work. I also found I had white matter damage. Likely from multiple things but some could have been the oxygen issues. But a side effect of the low oxygen was that most of the year I was in a bad brain fog and couldn't think right. And was becoming my more more isolated as those friends talked less and less to me. In the end the last couple months I have been able to finally think again, not much brain fog. I have been able to look back on the last two years and everything that I can remember. I tried taking to my friends about feeling like I was pushed away and them not wanting to do things but I never have been good at those conversations and in the end things didn't go great. I feel like we went from best friends to just seeing each other at group events with other friends. I have become very frustrated, annoyed, tired, depressed, feeling very alone and more. I am trying to get help; therapy, different meds and more. But it is taking time and I just am tired. So I am posting here as a means to just get things out for now.
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