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lightDog3095
1 678 M Embraced 5
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2023 Member sinceNovember 22, 2022
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HeLp!
Depression Support / by lightDog3095
Last post
 November 30th, 2025
...See more I m afraidd i m getting bad at holding myself. To divert myself, i started doing cheap things and started talking on stranger websites. I can'tt literally talk to my parents about this. My parents worry when I say things about like this. My head is constantly telling that I am pretending but I am not i really don't. Friends are really supportive but I can't talk to them too about this. My Only hope now are my parents and my siblings n i m afraid that the rope is getting thinner day by day. When I said things about like this on stranger site they said you are trying to make yourself sad. She said I am not worthy of love. I can't speak but write because it's me. Tired of pretending. And tired of assuring myself that everything is going to be okay. And suddenly I got suecedal thoughts and day by day it got very adicting. I even atempted them but it unfortunately was not successfull. I want to change but I don't know how ,I want to speak out for myself but I don't know how, it's just so difficult maybe everyone's life is. Am I over reacting? I just don't know. Sometimes I want to get into a axxident and forget everything that happened in my life ,literally every single thing. But The inner voice tells me that I do deserve every single pain I am sufering now. Just so difficult to manage me and her, she takes control over me and dominates me whenever she gets the chance. I don't even know what it is , maybe it's just maybe it's just my griif. The griif I am referring to happened many years back when I was so small when I didn't get to my right senses. But why is it coming all overnow? Am i really pretending? I got addicted to bad things due to her. I clearly didn't like those things but she insisted to get used to them. Really hope that it isnt deprettion. I really want to cry out so loud like aaahhhhhhhhhh jst kill me man, y r u making me go through this this. Then she answers you desrve this paiin. I want to cry just cry out loud not worrying my parents would hear my voice ,or neighbours thinking that my parents don't love me properly. I want to dy and go to him and cry like it was hard and i struggled to express but i failed i m a clear faillure in everything i do.
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