Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
lightPlane365
4 123 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceAugust 25, 2026
Bio
Recent forum posts
lightPlane365 profile picture
Test
Relationship Stress / by lightPlane365
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more Test
lightPlane365 profile picture
Emotional abuse/covert control/narcissist
Relationship Stress / by lightPlane365
Last post
 1 day ago
...See more I need help, either I need to really get out of this rabbit hole of believing these things about my boyfriend of 5 years. Or I need to get out of this relationship. We have a toddler together. Some background. The first five months were great, I genuinely thought this was it, the love they talk about. I fell fast and I fell hard. Then his ex girlfriend (who thought she was not in fact his ex...) found out he was seeing me. At first I thought she was insane believing they were still together, but now I see that they were both the ones in a horrifically toxic mess and now it's my turn. I trusted him, I ignored her warnings of him being an alcoholic narcissist but now, over 5 years later, I'm seeing it. There have been many instances I could have left, but I gave him chance after chance after chance. I supported him through the lawyers and claims she made against him, I supported him through his studies and when he wasn't earning much, but apparently the love I was giving him "wasn't as strong as the love she showed him" and he ended up on dating apps to "feel wanted" or to "see if people would still find me attractive". It didn't happen only once, but several times after and even after our daughter was born. But he made me believe I didn't show love enough or I only did it in the wrong ways so I "forgave him" but my nervous system never has so he's right now, I certainly don't show enough love. He sabotages plans I make with friends or colleagues. He puts down my parenting. He puts down my family. He doesn't help with our daughter other than being silly with her for approximately 15 min a day. He does do most of the cooking, which he often brings up that I should appreciate more. He isn't happy I've started running because it means he doesn't get family time with us (I take our daughter, so he's not burdened with looking after her which he always grumbles about), when I don't go running he's sitting on his playstation, outside on the bbq, or playing guitar. He's threatened break ups, abandoned me in a mall, a park, a beach, a foreign country (actually all of its been foreign, we live abroad). The closest we've been to a breakup is when I told him how many people I'd slept with because he pressured me into sharing because he's open about his past. Despite my number being lower than his he lost all respect for me and completely destroyed my self worth. And then I got pregnant. I'm so grateful for our child and wouldn't want that gone, but I wish I stood my ground sooner. But somehow after all this I still believe oh no I'm not doing enough for this relationship, I'm not a loving person, I'm not giving him opportunities to be a present father, I'm not planning enough family time, I'm spending too much time out running (once or twice on weekend mornings). Yesterday he spoke very rudely to me in front of our child, once they were asleep I went and told him he can't keep speaking to me like that especially in front of our child. His response was that it was pointless bringing it up hours later and that I need to bring it up at the right time. How do I move forward. If being in a "relationship" is this hard, how can co-parenting work. I don't want to keep him out of our child's life, I definitely wouldn't do that. But truly, how do I do this? I don't even know how the conversation would start or end. I've told some trusted friends and my Mum knows some, but not all. Or as I said, maybe it's not all him, maybe I am a huge factor in the way things play out with us and I'm not self aware enough. I know I'm terrible at communication. Help. Thank you.
Search more from @lightPlane365
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
7 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out First Compassion Newbie Teammate Forum Friend
Report an issue