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lighthouse09
100 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2019 Member sinceJuly 1, 2019
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Very Worried
Anxiety Support / by lighthouse09
Last post
 July 4th, 2019
...See more I'm going back home tomorrow after 4 months of studying abroad. I just finished my first semester so it's only a short visit home. I was really excited leading up to the day i get to go home because I've been feeling sort of lonely here. But because of my loneliness, I've over-eaten so much, and gained a lot of weight. I'm just really unhappy of my appearance and I'm worried that people will notice this change. I also have OCD, which is triggered every now and then. The first few months away being in university, I had it under control, but recently it's been the worst its ever been in the past 2 years. I've been washing my hands so much that they have gone really dry, cracking, and even bleeding. I dont know how to stop, and the people around me are judging me so hard because they don't get why I'm washing my hands so much. The people back home kind of have a better jist of my OCD after years of me explaining it to them. So it feels horrible to be back in the same place as I was before, being judged for my compulsions that I cannot control. I dont know if going home will make things better or worse, to be honest. I'm really scared. Lastly, I think I have a fear of flying. Or dying. Not really sure, because I've gone on numerous airplanes over the years and I've never had a problem. But maybe that's because all those other times, I've been with family or friends. Tomorrow will be the first time I'm flying alone and I'm having really bad anxiety over it. Waking up in cold sweats and having odd dreams about being in ariplanes. No nightmares about being in a plane crash or anything, just really odd ones about being physically in a plane, or forgetting my luggage before boarding. I mean, I've always disliked planes, never wanted to sit in the window seat, and always trying to sleep just before takeoff and landing. But I'm worried that I wont be able to physcially get in the plane tomorrow. I dont think I'll be able to cope because I'd be alone for 7 hours straight, way up in the air.
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