Very Worried
I'm going back home tomorrow after 4 months of studying abroad. I just finished my first semester so it's only a short visit home. I was really excited leading up to the day i get to go home because I've been feeling sort of lonely here. But because of my loneliness, I've over-eaten so much, and gained a lot of weight. I'm just really unhappy of my appearance and I'm worried that people will notice this change.
I also have OCD, which is triggered every now and then. The first few months away being in university, I had it under control, but recently it's been the worst its ever been in the past 2 years. I've been washing my hands so much that they have gone really dry, cracking, and even bleeding. I dont know how to stop, and the people around me are judging me so hard because they don't get why I'm washing my hands so much. The people back home kind of have a better jist of my OCD after years of me explaining it to them. So it feels horrible to be back in the same place as I was before, being judged for my compulsions that I cannot control. I dont know if going home will make things better or worse, to be honest. I'm really scared.
Lastly, I think I have a fear of flying. Or dying. Not really sure, because I've gone on numerous airplanes over the years and I've never had a problem. But maybe that's because all those other times, I've been with family or friends. Tomorrow will be the first time I'm flying alone and I'm having really bad anxiety over it. Waking up in cold sweats and having odd dreams about being in ariplanes. No nightmares about being in a plane crash or anything, just really odd ones about being physically in a plane, or forgetting my luggage before boarding. I mean, I've always disliked planes, never wanted to sit in the window seat, and always trying to sleep just before takeoff and landing. But I'm worried that I wont be able to physcially get in the plane tomorrow. I dont think I'll be able to cope because I'd be alone for 7 hours straight, way up in the air.
@lighthouse09
Ok,so you seem to be having a really tough time being bothered on multiple levels;so your anxiety is perfectly understandable.But please don't lose hope that you can learn to cope with your challenges even if it took time....
-Firstly I want to tell that people indeed can compensate for stress and anxiety through food,so what you have done is a normal response to your situation.If people judge you for your weight-gain;then that speaks more about their character in the sense that they are insensitive than anything about you.So its about finding solutions for your loneliness so that you don't fall into such unhealthy habits.Dont worry am sure either a close friend,an elder person in your family,or therapist can advise you on what you can do to combat loneliness.Of course,7 cups itself is a very good place for seeking ideas.Personally I would say attaining contentment is also essential with other measures to eliminate loneliness.And having a gratitude journal is a good start to in the goal of attaining contentment....
-As for Ocd,I want to tell you that most important thing is to "Acknowledge whatever you do (including hand washing) will be imperfect" .Which means when you wash hands, you are opening up to the possibility that sometimes there could be micro-organisms inspite of washing hands here and there.I agree it may and will probably cause anxiety with such an attitude,but its part of accepting an imperfect life wholly;so with time anxiety will wither....
Everything each of us does "spontaneously" including handwash;we do it to a reasonable degree;and that is all one needs whatever it is.Likewise once you do handwash,itwill clean your hands reasonably such that its possible micro-organisms maybe there in some spots;but thats normal.I don't think anyone does anything perfectly,like atleast most things in life.Everything we do is imperfect.That kind of attitude goes a long way in freeing the mind of a person with Ocd....
-Personally I have felt that Ocd can be managed not cured.But I maybe wrong though.But managed in such a way that one can go on with day-to-day life.So one of the fallacies I have felt with regards to Ocd is we assume when anxiety strikes that something is wrong in our approach or thinking,truth though is that Ocd has no logic and for no reason;it gives you urge to recheck, repeat etc etc.Yes developing the "Imperfectionist attitude is essential",then onwards its about "resisting or ignoring the urge to redo things".Developing an imperfectionist attitude aint easy, atleast in my case;I had to consciously think with each activity that 'I can do this only imperfectly'.But if your problem is only with hand-washing;then that is encouraging and only in that context you have to think of imperfection.Like for eg don't we agree that we are living in a world full of dirt,organisms and what not.Likewise don't you think expecting your hands to be 100% sterilised is non-human thinking.Like I do believe that inspite of our best efforts,there maybe areas on our hands where there are micro-organisms.Like am only saying it as a possibility and not a certainty.So in my opinion,I will suggest to you a reminder; you can read it morning and night for around 2-3weeks so that you remember the idea you are practicing.So here it goes:
"I realise that nothing in the world is done perfectly including handwashing,rather everything can only be done imperfectly.I get urge to repeat not because am doing a thing improperly;rather it happens for no fault of mine because Ocd has no logic.Thus from now on,I will ignore the urge to rewash my hands no matter how small or big the anxiety is"
This habit of not responding to your anxiety will help you become comfortable with the urge and it will weaken with time.I believe its worth a try....
As for dreams and thoughts about traveling in plane;I understand it feels bad pretty much to do it alone especially as you aint used to.I hope you can seek advice on that so you are occupied with something you like in plane, because else it will definitely be a pretty dull experience I agree.But am confident, you can find healthy activities to keep you going in the plane.Also I understand you could dislike sitting near the window,but again sometimes we may have to sit near it and so its about understanding why exactly you feel that way and then taking it from there.So planning your trip with regards to when you will depart for the airport, through what vehicle,what you will be eating in plane,how you will get home from destination airport,keeping a checklist of all things you have to carry including enough cash,what activities you will be doing in plne;these things should help.As for checklist, going through it just before you leave your residence ensuring you have taken all the required things.... Planning I believe will help you feel like you are prepared for the journey,and decrease to minimal levels the probability of something going wrong.....
As for fear of forgetting your luggage,I want to suggest to you a small exercise.Tell yourself "From now on,I will ask myself if I have the luggage with me before I board a plane".Note down this thought and please read twice like morning and night for a week,and that should help you remember hopefully.If not after a week, doing for another week will surely ensure that you automatically remember your luggage as you are about to board....
Hope this helps 😊👍🏾
@lighthouse09
And as for fear of missing flight if you do have that,its always Ideal I think to reach the airport atleast 30mins before departure so that you can board the plane relaxed,as long as traffic and so on won't delay your travel to airport by more than for eg15mins; which means you will reach 15mins before departure.So I guess you need to adjust time depending upon road traffic, availability of cabs at the time of traveling to airport etc etc such that you reach at your 'target time' which is ideally somewhat early;so you can board plane in a relaxed way as I mentioned above......So thats that :)
@lighthouse09
And last point I want to add is please don't worry if the below mentioned exercises and suggestions didn't help,I do believe they will help you cope better.But if they didn't,am sure a Therapist can find solutions and teach you how to implement them 😊
@lighthouse09
Another way to have the last point in this below mentioned Ocd reminder is "From now on,I will wash my hands only once no matter how big or small the urge to repeat is" instead of "From now on,I will ignore the urge to repeat........"
And for weight-gain, fortunately you can work on it with an appropriate exercise and diet program;so thats the good news.Dont worry,am sure you can and you will lose all those kgs with the same 😊👍🏾
Ok,had to say these things as well....
