lightstar7 Member Profile

...See more Hi. I don't even know where to begin and what exactly am i looking for. I'll just write and see where i wind up. Okay, so i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years now and we had our ups and downs. At the beginning of the year I started taking contraceptive pills which made my depression worse - i cried all the time, i lost the motivation to do anything, i didn't do school work (i'm a post-graduate so i guess that wasn't *that* bad), i didn't look for work, nothing. After 3 months i changed the pills, and i got a bit better. I was happier more, wanted to do things, etc. Now, during these 6 month, i really wanted more attention from my boyfriend, some support, some affection, some showing that he cares. He paid less and less attention to me and more to his friends. Everything was 'my friends want to do this, let's go there' or 'i can't right now, i'm going with my friends' and he usually picked me up (I still live at home, which is a sore point for the both of us - he wanted us to move in together after 2 years, but he said it in the middle of an argument - same topic as right now - and i didn't take him seriously, and now he doesn't want to hear about it, says i missed my chance. Besides, i don't have money to move out of my parent's house and support myself) around midnight or later, just for sleeping over. That always made me touchy and cranky and annoying, so we didn't really have a good time hanging out, we weren't intimate as much, or cuddly (he isn't really the 'emotional' type, he also has problems showing his feelings, especially in public. Thinks he has to be a tough guy). Now, we had a fight where he told me that he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore, that he prefers being with his friends, because my attitude lately has been horrible and that if i don't go off the pills we're breaking up. I agreed, since i do have the feeling the pills are making my mood swings worse, but i also told him that he should pay more attention to me and do the things i want to do. To that he replied that i don't want to do anything, that i don't have any hobbies. Which is true - i try to finish my master's degree and i am a dance teacher, and with my depression i don't really feel comfortable going out and finding new hobbies to enjoy x) I did suggest a few things we could do together but he wasn't interested in those particular hobbies. He is interested in his cars and his friends, and the rest not so much. We really have a problem finding things we both enjoy doing, especially things that could be incorporated in everyday life, so i'd love some suggestions (anything goes) My problem is that i want much more attention from him that he is willing to give me - i feel really clingy. Is it too much to ask to get the same treatment as his friends? Meaning facebook attention - taggin in meme's, replying in chat when i write to him; sms attention - writing back so it's not my 3 long smses and his 'i'm outside'; spending time with me - anything really, i'm not picky here. I even went hiking with him and his friends, but because i'm not in hiking form, they usually leave me behind and they go ahead. And to most events, he doesn't really want to take me. A few of his friends just got single, and he is hanging out with them a loooot lately and around bars and getting drunk and hanging out with other girls. I don't know if i should be worried or not. I know he is not cheating but i guess, i'm worried he is talking to other girls and getting to know them and i worry he will find another girl that is not so messed up like me. After 6 years, the magic isn't there for him anymore, i can tell. Plus, giving other girls attention and not me? I don't like it, if he would give that attention to me, we wouldn't be having these problems x.x Otherwise we're opposites - he loves having a big network of friends and aquaintances, i like a small group where i feel comfortable, he is an adrenaline junkie, i'm afraid of speed and god know what else x) i need romance, he doesn't; i need constant contact, he is okay with not seeing eachother for longer (like a week or more) periods of time. I do feel like i have to mention that he has been saying he loves me and that he would like to spend the rest of his life with me (to which i of course didn't say 'same' because it was again, in the middle of the argument and he was talking about breaking up if things don't get better so i was feeling insecure and he resented me not saying it back x) ) so i'm hoping that counts for something? I can't tell if it's just words or he means it, though. I don't know what else to add here to make the situation more clear. Maybe that he has self-esteem issues about his looks? I think he looks hot and other girls often hit on him, but he doesn't notice. I keep worrying that he'll notice and it'll boost his ego so much, he'll think i'm not good enough for him anymore. Am i too clingy? Is it my depression or anxiety talking? Is the relationship okay, am i just feeling it off because i'm off? Should i take a step back and reevaluate? Usually when i do that, things get better - maybe because i stop being so clingy? But i do need certain level of attention, i can't keep pulling back x) i won't be happy otherwise. So, yeah. I really need someone objective to take a look at the situation and tell me honestly if i'm too clingy or am i just making a big deal out of nothing? I hope going off the pills will help, but even if i do go off the pills, i'll still want his attention and he still won't give it to me, so it'll be like an unbreakable circle, with the only way out by breaking up. :( Any comment is welcome, good or bad, i would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. :) P.S.: Sorry for the long post, i guess i gave way too much info, but i really wanted to picture the whole situation.

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