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lilacdruid
191 M Embraced 1
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2019 Member sinceSeptember 26, 2016
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Actually very confident, but still anxious?
Anxiety Support / by lilacdruid
Last post
 March 5th, 2019
...See more Wondering if anybody else has this issue, because it has confused every therapist I've gone to and made it really hard for me to recover or cope. I am actually a very confident person. I like what I see in the mirror, I have a healthy long-term relationship, I have friends, and I think very highly of my skills & have a job in my field that I use my degree for. I think I am very funny & compassionate and a lot of people find me easy to be around... As long as I'm the one listening to them, and not the other way around. It has gotten to the point where I experience incredibly emotional outbursts & low moods because I feel so lonely and so undervalued. When I try to talk to people about things that interest me, they stop paying attention. It has gotten to the point where I am so jittery about any kind of silence. If people don't text me back I see it as a shunning or a punishment. I don't play my music at group gatherings because I'm scared my friends will judge my song choices. I've stopped trying to contribute to conversations because people just interrupt and talk right over me. I am in this constant state of feeling like an outsider no matter who I'm hanging out with. I can't tell if I'm just yielding too much and keeping people at arm's length out of fear, which is causing the discrepancy in closeness, or if the lack of closeness and connection was there in the first place. I just want to hear from somebody that I am worth their time but any time I bring that up people tell me I shouldn't need external validation. I stopped talking about feeling unappreciated, anxious, and depressed because they just told me to start taking meds. I've tried making new friends, going to therapy, taking vitamins or medication, mindfulness, etc and nothing makes me feel less lonely. I just want to share my life with people who appreciate me because I feel like I'm a pretty cool person but whenever I get around other people I just get ignored.
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