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lilacparker
84 M Embraced
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2022 Member sinceNovember 7, 2022
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Abused became the abuser
Trauma Support / by lilacparker
Last post
 November 12th, 2022
...See more Please read all of this before being quick to judgement. When I was around 6-7, a family member had taken me to their room. Light touching and looking took place. A few weeks, or months, later it became a little more, but still only touching. I was undiagnosed ASD at the time, and very easily led. I was never told what we were doing was wrong, just that it was mine and his game, but being a child, I wanted to play this game with others. So from 7-9, me and my other female cousin would “play” this “game”. I’m now in overwhelming guilt and cannot believe the damage I must have caused her. She speaks to me like she doesn’t remember a thing, but I know she must do. I don’t know how to bring this up to her so we can both heal. I want her to know that I didn’t do this to malicious. I was a kid, I didn’t know what I was doing. Neither of us did. I don’t know what to do. I’m having panic attacks nearly every day. I don’t know how much longer I can live with this and I don’t want my family to hate me even though I know I deserve them hating me.
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