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lilredpanda01
2 708 M Little Steps
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts29 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceAugust 11, 2015
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I lost the love of my life in June 24th, 2026
Grief & Loss / by lilredpanda01
Last post
 July 3rd
...See more I was dating my (on and off) boyfriend David. We met in 2022, worked together in the same mall. Started dating in summer of 2023. Everything was great and I wouldn't have it any other way. I had to move states in 2024 for personal reasons and tried to get back to him since then and couldn't because of health, financial reasons and he had outstanding legal proceedings.  He dealt with a lifetime of addiction, but it wasn't like any addiction, he was a 6 pack every night after work, or so. But we had a lot of fun together. Lots of adventures in 2023 and 2024. We did have a rocky 2024, 2025 and this year, but we always remained in contact as we always did. He was my world. I trusted him with my life. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I am forever saddened but I am grateful.  On Wenesday, June 24th,, he commit suicide. No one seen it coming, he did have past mental issues, such as major depression and suspected Bipolar but that wasn't confirmed.  I found out on Sunday morning via ***. Ever since, I am shocked, devastated, heartbroken, angry, depressed, and every other name in the book that grief has to offer.  I will be heartbroken and traumatized for the rest of my life. He was the light of every room. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. I am trying my hardest to get through each day, but it is so hard and so painful. I don't have support at home but have a therapist I see on Tuesdays.  It feels too hard to handle at times during the day. I just want to sleep and this be a dream. I so devastated.
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Today would had been 4 years
Depression Support / by lilredpanda01
Last post
 February 8th
...See more I moved to Texas on Feburary 7th, 2022, I am from Michigan and I had a great 2 years there... I consider Texas my home, I want more than anything to go back one day. It was all ripped away from me on Febuary 19, 2024 when my ex roommate and me had a falling out, and the man I was dating(not roommate) was facing jail time because of his alcoholism. I am still to this day broken and hurt by it. It's not something you just get over. If I had done this the right way int he beginining I wouldn't be grieving the loss of something still very much alive... I spend days suffering in a "survivals guilt" mindset because if I could have stopped it, I would have. I am so angry and sad today, and this whole month. I hate the month of Feburary. Holidays are hard as well, because I had to move back with my (very toxic) family and I do have a therapist but sometimes I struggle sharing too much with her. I love my therapist so much too, that's not the problem. It's just moving on, I can't. I have cried so many tears today and will continue until its back in my hands one day. Grief is just like glitter...
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Some days are harder than others
Grief & Loss / by lilredpanda01
Last post
 May 12th, 2025
...See more It was a year in Feburary, and I think I have been holding off dealing with it. I just miss that place so much and It pains me today more than usual. 
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