Today would had been 4 years

I moved to Texas on Feburary 7th, 2022, I am from Michigan and I had a great 2 years there... I consider Texas my home, I want more than anything to go back one day. It was all ripped away from me on Febuary 19, 2024 when my ex roommate and me had a falling out, and the man I was dating(not roommate) was facing jail time because of his alcoholism. I am still to this day broken and hurt by it. It's not something you just get over. If I had done this the right way int he beginining I wouldn't be grieving the loss of something still very much alive... I spend days suffering in a "survivals guilt" mindset because if I could have stopped it, I would have. I am so angry and sad today, and this whole month. I hate the month of Feburary. Holidays are hard as well, because I had to move back with my (very toxic) family and I do have a therapist but sometimes I struggle sharing too much with her. I love my therapist so much too, that's not the problem. It's just moving on, I can't. I have cried so many tears today and will continue until its back in my hands one day. Grief is just like glitter...